How am I supposed to feel?

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Kimmy5772
Kimmy5772 Member Posts: 4
edited September 2015 in Just Diagnosed

I was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Immediately everyone asks "how are you feeling?" I feel guilty receiving their concern. Should I feel differently? I do feel tired but I have been trying to get things ready at work so I can be out. Is being tired a symptom? I am out of breath a lot. Or is it out of shape? I also have a total lack of interest in things...or could that be due to a complete hysterectomy at the end of last year. These have been the questions going through my mind. I have totally made light of the situation because I am always the strong one. Maybe it hasn't "hit" me yet.

Btw...here's a little background on me...I have a family history of cancer...mom, aunt, cousins. So I always "knew" I was going to get cancer..it was just "when". About a year ago, my new gynecologist sent me to oncologist to be proactive. They have been testing me every 4 months. I had a benign biopsy in March and now this one diagnosed recently. I have been thinking of doing a diep flap, my cousin recently did this without being diagnosed with cancer! So this coming Monday, sept 21, I am having the diep flap surgery.

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  • Kicks
    Kicks Member Posts: 4,131
    edited September 2015

    You are 'supposed to' feel what YOU feel - not what anyone tells you that you SHOULD because of what they did or what others have said they did so all SHOULD - WRONG! We are each unique individuals and not a 'carbon copy' of anyone else.

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  • bride
    bride Member Posts: 382
    edited September 2015

    Kimmy5772,

    Like all of us, you'll feel different feelings at any point. Yes, fatigue is a common SE. So is having any emotion you have. We're here for rants, depression, fear, whatever.

    Please keep us posted.

    Best,

    Bride

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited September 2015

    Hi Kimmy-

    We want to welcome you to our community here at BCO. We're so sorry for what brings you here, but we're glad you've found us, and hope you find this to be a place of support when you need it most!

    Like Bride and Kicks said, you'll feel how you're supposed to feel, when you feel that way. Everyone is different and processes their diagnosis in their own way. These boards are great for finding other women in your shoes who can relate and help you work through your feelings as they happen, so we hope to see you on here often!

    Good luck with your surgery, we'll be thinking of you!

    The Mods

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  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 3,039
    edited September 2015

    It might not have totally sunk in yet--I fell apart about a month into the process--but then again if you were always aware of being in a high-risk category, then you might not be as shocked as someone who had no family history of cancer. But then, I don't think there's a right way to feel!

    I've cultivated a perplexed "As well as might be expected....why do you ask?"

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  • Girl53
    Girl53 Member Posts: 225
    edited September 2015

    Kimmy: Was just dx'd this week, and feeling just like you. I've always been the "rock" in my family, too, and am finding it's hard to feel the vulnerability of tellling people I have breast cancer. What a whirlwind...trying to find opinions and start making treatment decisions, and figure out how to talk to loved ones and friends and neighbors.

    I'll be thinking of you as surgery approaches. It's so good to know we can come here for any reason and be supported. Big hugs to you.

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  • SummerAngel
    SummerAngel Member Posts: 1,006
    edited September 2015

    I agree with Kicks - however you feel is totally how you "should" feel! I never did "fall apart", never cried, never got depressed. Not sure why, but it really seemed to bother some people. It's like they thought I was in denial or something. I did get angry a few times, and when I first found out it felt very surreal, but that's it. Those who know me well weren't surprised by my reaction though. I think I was more surprised about it than they were! I kept waiting to feel like crying or to feel sad, but it didn't happen.

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  • Penzance
    Penzance Member Posts: 101
    edited September 2015

    Hi Kimmy

    I felt knackered too. Had had a couple of busy weeks at work and had travelled by night (I.e. no sleep) the day before.

    Wasn't expecting the diagnosis either as hospital had had results for one month but hadn't called me. Had to break the news to my family GP myself.

    Once the diagnosis started to sink in, I alternated between anger and disbelief. I have been very worried about money too as I don't have a family to support me, or income insurance, and I am not eligible for benefits. I found out that you have to force yourself to cry in order to make some people (Hr) believe that you really have cancer. Generally don't expect any support from people who haven't been there. In a way, it is a good way to filter those of your acquaintances who are 'friends' material: not many make it through that sieve! I expected my family GP of over a decade to rise to the challenge, and he did! Did get a pleasant surprise when telling my hairdresser: they were extremely humane, and immediately set to find solutions if I ever get hair loss.

    Many people will advise you to be 'positive' and not to make any plans for end of life care or see about making a will, choosing executors, etc. I think this is very poor advice and they're just in denial.

    Best wishes.


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