How do I get my life back?

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jlstacey
jlstacey Member Posts: 277
edited October 2015 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I had ups and downs during chemotherapy, but generally I handled it pretty well. I had a double mastectomy on July 31st and it was way harder to recover than I expected it to be. I have a special needs son and a daughter with ADHD and anxiety. They are 9 and 10. It has been very hard for me to be dependant on others and to not be in control. I have felt more depressed for a couple weeks now than I was during active treatment. I have a history of depression for years, and I'm feeling a bit hopeless now. I do have a therapist that I am seeing again.

Something has happened that has just put me over the edge emotionally today. So, now I wonder, how do I get back to real life? I'm still recovering physically. I don't feel particularly worried about recurrence. I sort of feel like I did when I got diagnosed, like I was kicked in the stomach.

Has anybody else felt like they don't know how to transition back to normal life after finishing treatment? Shouldn't I be ecstatic that it is over? Instead I just want to cry. And yes, I am on anti-depressants.

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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited September 2015

    jlstacey,

    I'm not quite through with treatment (a few more Herceptin infusions to go), but I wanted to send some hugs your way. I have sons with autism, and they were already a handful, pre-cancer. With cancer and the boys going through puberty, my life has been one big struggle. Honestly, going to bed at night is the one thing I look forward to, most days.

    Anywhoo, back to your challenges.... Was there a nurse navigator at your breast care center? Maybe she could suggest some counselors who have been effective at working with breast cancer patients. Either way, I hope you find a new normal soon.

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  • jlstacey
    jlstacey Member Posts: 277
    edited September 2015

    I think I felt like there was going to be this epiphany after treatment ended that was like a "live life to the fullest" aha moment. Then surgery happened and it threw me for a loop. I have been somewhat alienated from friends. I also have felt like a burden on people after surgery and it has just done a number on my self-confidence and self-worth. Plus struggles with my kids and I like you look forward to their bedtime, curling up with my coloring pages and taking an ambien. It's no way to live.

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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited September 2015

    After chemo, I was looking forward to surgery. But, it did leave me in a weakened state, and one of my kids ramped up the violence at that point. I remember feeling bad that I couldn't defend myself from him anymore. I did have to ask for more help at that point, but things have gotten better as I've gotten stronger.

    I'll bet your friends would still want to help if you ask them. There's no shame in getting help. One of my work colleagues who supported me during treatment has recently been diagnosed with something akin to MS. Now, I get to ask if he needs anything. We even compare medications (we both have Ativan). Hope you feel better soon!

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  • catlady44
    catlady44 Member Posts: 159
    edited October 2015

    I am SO in this place right now! I finished radiation 2 weeks ago, after having had a surgery with complications, and 16 rounds of chemo before that. I feel completely lost. I'm waiting for my final reconstruction surgery which should happen early Nov so I'm really in limbo. I was ecstatic for a couple days, but not anymore. I feel guilty that I'm not ecstatic too. I'm having a ton of anxiety and I'm on various psych meds for depression/anxiety which I've struggled with for decades. I see my shrink on Thurs and hopefully she'll figure out something new with the meds.

    I'm very grateful to be alive, my treatment was a success and I'm cancer free, but I just feel like a baby bird that was just pushed out of the nest. That's the best metaphor I can find for it. I feel like I'm expected to just pick up life where I left off, but NOTHING is the same!

    I don't know if this is even what you're dealing with or not. I just felt like I could relate to your post. Hugs from a fellow struggling survivor!


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