Starting soon

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the oncologist. I have tried to do what I can to prepare for this next step. I have a chemo bag ready to go, have a list of things for my family that i will need to pick up for me through out my treatment, created two spaces in my home that will be quiet and comfortable for me, stocked my cuboards and freezer with food for everyone, and even set a date to have my hair done.

the problem I have beyond all that is how does one actually mentally prepare for this? I have done the research, and even picked up a few books that I thought might help. I still feel myself flipping form feeling like I am as prepared as I can and comfortable with moving on, to the fear of what will be, and the knowledge that this is not going to be fun, nice, or even at times all that dignified. I have come to accept the fact that there is no one direct easy route to preparing myself mentally.

Doing my best to stay positive, active, and busy is important, and I find that believe it or not those old disney feel good movies help a lot. comedies help as well, nothing like a good laugh when you feel down. I have also used humor to deal with some of this. a new t-shirt that has two construction minions and sign that says under construction, a new funky looking hat that I plan to decorate in a very outrageous manor, dancing in the rain with a girl friend, and jumping puddles as I did as a child, cuddling up on the couch with my two wonderful puppies, using aroma therapy to bring a sense of comfort and safety, and last but not least making light of being truly as flat as a board, and reminding my husband he will have to find a new way of finding out if it is cold outside are just a few of the ways I try to prepare for this.

I have no idea how others handle things like this, but I know that being able to focus on things that make me happy, make me laugh, and make me feel safe are important to me.

I encourage each one of you about to begin this chemo journey to find those things for yourself. Do not get bogged down in the negative attitudes that others will inevitably project, Do not let yourself sit too long in the tears, and find the joy you once knew as a child.

And above all else Please Remember that eveything changes, and this is only temporary!