Adoption after cancer treatment?

Hi Littleblueflowers --

We don't have any experience, but we're sure there will be others by shortly who can offer their advice! In the meantime, you may want to check out the main Breastcancer.org site's page on Adoption after breast cancer treatment for some good things to think about and some tips!

We hope this helps!

--The Mods

Little blue, a double hit... cancer and wanting to adopt. No rhyme or reason to anything. I was married at 21. No pregnancy till 34. Maternal grand parents. 28 & 32 when married. The first two died, early 1900's.  Folks said to them it was a sign they shouldn't have children. They went on to have 8. How and why--who knows until we have history. Keep working it. The story isn't written.

littleblue, my husband and I are in the exact same situation as you. I wondered if you had had any updates or new information? I ended up making a list of every adoption agency in my state, Colorado (no private adoptions allowed, only agency approved), and sorted them into agencies I liked and those I did not. I sorted by information available on their website, fee disclosures, number of placements, whether or not they specialize in infant adoption, and if they had any religious restrictions. Once I made my list, I had six agencies I liked so I emailed all of them asking what their policy is on adoptive mothers with breast cancer. I'm still waiting to hear back from most but one agency said they take it on a case by case basis.

I hope all is going well with you. It's such a kick in the teeth to have your dreams of becoming a parent delayed on top this horrid diagnosis.

littleblue, just wanted to give you an update. I've heard back from the various agencies and there are several in my state who are willing to work with me while I'm still in active treatment! Not all of them, but I only need one. Now I know it sounds crazy to start the adoption process while in the middle of chemo, but we are doing so because the wait time can be so long. The first part of joining an agency is to have an approved home study, which takes a few months for a social worker to do. After that, the national average is 12-18 months of wait time for a domestic infant adoption. Because of that, we know we are looking at 1.5-2 years before we potentially get a baby (knowing some people wait more/less time). By that time I ought to be well out of treatment and we will be ready to welcome a baby into our home.

The agencies do want a letter from my oncologist, but they've been very supportive and understanding. I'll keep you updated after our first meetings next month. Hope you are doing well!

Also, if you are interested, there are several excellent facebook groups for people wanting to adopt that have great information. There is also an excellent podcast by Creating A Family (they are one of the facebook groups I joined, too) that covers a wide variety of topics related to fertility/adoption, including adoption after cancer.

Thank you, Pessa! I happen to live in one of only four states where you cannot do private adoption with a lawyer. Colorado is an "agency only" state so I have to use an agency to facilitate the whole process. Thankfully I've found a few places I really like. There are some good national agencies who promise a shorter wait time (specifically American Adoptions), more along your timelines, but they're about $50k versus $30k and told me they would not work with me until I was well out of treatment.

For those not in an agency state, private does seem easier and perhaps a bit faster, but I picked the wrong state to live in!

jlstacey, our first preference is to do a domestic infant adoption, especially as we will be first time parents. I think maybe later on in life we might consider adopting older children, but currently we're not quite prepared for that. In my research the agencies I've spoken to let us know that for foster care, they will only take on families who are expressing willingness to foster within at least the age range of 0-8. They will not allow you to have a more narrow parameter. Adoption seems much the same; they were very clear there are few children under the age of 5 available for adoption (unless of course they are placed by an expectant mother).

I knew the adoption process would be complicated but it has been eye-opening to really learn about it fully. It's nice to hear about families like yours that had a positive experience!

wishing you good health and much luck with becoming a parent

Congrats MissBee123 on finishing chemo - what a huge milestone! And I'm glad you found the agency that's right for you!

I was recently diagnosed and opted not to freeze my eggs before chemo. My husband and I have both agreed for years that our first priority is to adopt - our wedding registry last year was actually an adoption fund! While there's a possibility we will still be able to have biological children after chemo since I'm still pretty young, we're not counting on it and we are so happy to just focus on adopting. This is probably at least 3-5 years down the road for us, but I'd love to follow along this thread to learn from your experiences! I know it can take a long time and want to be as prepared as possible.