My 36yo Wife is scheduled for a BMX in 2 weeks how can I help?

Thanks everyone for your input. I want to be as prepared as possible for what lies ahead to make things as smooth as possible for my wife.

Debiann- Thank you for sharing your experience. I know it's not going to be easy. It's going to break my heart to watch her go through all that, but I will keep in mind what she is going through and support her the best I can. She has been put on Tamoxifen prior to surgery because I complained about how long the surgery was taking. She has been handling that pretty well, but there have been some mood swings in recent days. It's likely the stress coupled with the medication, but I am learning to be careful about when it's OK to talk about this stuff with her and when I need to shut up about it.

anotherNYCGirl- Thank you for your comments. I will add pillows and a salon cape to the shopping list I am making for her. She is having reconstruction as well. The Dr. has told us the expanders will be painful. I believe the chemo plan is 8 weeks of Taxol followed by 12 weeks of Abraxane. I could be wrong about that. We have the notes from the oncologist, but I don't have them in front of me right now. We could try and sell the tickets game by game, it's just easier to sell as a package because the first couple games that we will definitely miss are "cupcake" games, so they aren't really in high demand. I have thought about going to the games and asking her mother to come over and stay with her, but we have so many memories together in that stadium, I don't know if I will able to enjoy myself knowing she is in pain at home. I am leaning towards keeping the tickets because I want her to have that option of having a welcome distraction instead of feeling like she is missing out.

inks- Thank you for sharing that. I know everyone is different, but it's good to know that some people are able to overcome most of the limitations. She did have the BRCA test done. They did it a while ago but our insurance company rejected it and then she had to wait to talk to a genetic counselor. We are still waiting for the results. They should come back right before our surgery date. It's better if she doesn't have the gene right? I mean, she has cancer either way, but I am not sure if it's better that they know why this happened, or if it's better it was just a freak thing? She is in good shape.Our friends and family have all said if there had been a vote as to who this might happen prior to this diagnosis, she would have been in last. She had been the healthiest person I knew before this. We have no idea how this happened. She had been on birth control for many years, but the doctors say that didn't cause it, but did feed the cancer once she got it. We had been planning to get pregnant this year, we have an appointment with the fertility people next week, but we don't hold out much hope for that. Since her cancer is hormone positive, we don't want to increase the risk of it coming back.

Queenmomcat- We are leaning towards keeping them. I just saw that our running back is now out for the year. Ugh. Good thing we have 2 great running backs! Go Ducks!

Thank you all for for your comments and wishing us the best! We wish you all the best as well. I have tried to get my wife to post on here but she likes to distract herself from all this when she can. When she is willing to talk about it, I do tell her about your experiences and advice. It is all very much appreciated.

*Hugs

Thank you for all the advice.

Glennie19: Thank you for sharing that list. There are a lot of things on there we didn't think of. The tickets were just shipped today so they are on the way. I know we will at least miss the first one, but we are going to ask friends if they want them. We will hold onto the rest for now. I was concerned about her ability to travel and be outdoors for a long period after surgery or during chemo, but if she feels up to it, it would be nice to go. She should be able to work when she can. She is an accountant. We have talked about her teaching me some of the basics before she goes through chemo just so I can double check her work if she has trouble focusing. She is also planning to go to work when she feels up to it. Her company has arranged it so she can get her hours when she needs to and be flexible. They are also going to do a sick time donation for her so she will have more sick days to take when she isn't able to work at all.

CatsRus: Thank you for the suggestions. I will do that for her. Good luck to you as well.

littlebluef: Thank you for the comments. We do have a small bench section in our shower. It is usually covered in her assortment of hair products, but I will clear it off. That is a good suggestion. I don't want her to fall. I mentioned your comment about getting a shorter haircut to her and we are discussing it. We are trying to decide if it's better if I just cut it short for her or we pay for it to be done. I'm sure it would look much better if someone else did it, but on the other hand it's going to fall out anyway. It definitely sounds like it would be much easier to cut her hair short for the surgery.I will likely be helping her wash her hair. Glad to hear the taxol wasn't too horrible. Good luck and blessings to you as well.

loriyg: Your husband sounds like a good man! I hope to be that for my wife as well. She is my everything. I just want to make things as easy on her as possible and get all the information so we can beat this thing. I think we are keeping the tickets!

We went to a fertility Doctor appointment today. We aren't really sure what to think. As I mentioned before, we had been planning to get pregnant this year, so we decided to hear them out on what it would take. The biggest issue for us is increased risk. Cost is also a huge factor, but we don't want to increase the risk of it coming back. I was really hoping to hear some success stories or get some solid numbers from them on what the risk is, but we didn't get that. They only told us that there is some risk. My wife is ER+/PR+ HER2-. Does anyone here have any information on this?

Her surgery is in 11 more days. We are getting nervous about it, but also looking forward to finally getting it out. I know the waiting has been hard on my wife. She is concerned about that lymph node that started to swell in July. She had a lot of pain and side effects from the liver biopsy, so I am thinking that may be the cause, since they told us she may have pain in that area.

Thanks, and good luck to all of you!

Thanks again for all the replies and encouragement. 10 more days until the surgery! We feel a huge sense of urgency to figure this fertility issue out as quickly as possible. They seemed to suggest we use a surrogate, but just the cost of taking the eggs, storing them and using them for my wife will cost as much as a new car. We can't afford to pay another 40K that they said it would cost. I set up a gofundme for my wife since the medical bills are already in the thousands, and we have received an amazing amount of support, but there just won't be close to enough to pay for all of this. Such a tough decision.

3-16-2011: Thank you for your comments. I will try and pay close attention to the drain instructions. That is another part I am not looking forward to. I know no one would, but I'm the one who turns white as a sheet when they draw blood. I'm going to have to get over that quickly. Thank you for sharing your experience. I will keep that in mind if it seems she is feeling down. I know she is having a hard time with the fertility issue. She doesn't want to raise the risk either, but it seems like even if we had the money for a surrogate, she wouldn't want to go that route because she wants to carry the baby if we are going to have one.

Olivia82: Thank you for sharing that. They have told us to wait 3-5 years, depending on which Doctor we ask. Did you have a substantial amount of cost to do that? We are nervous to spend a huge amount of money and then end up not being able to use embryos. It's good to hear you bounced back so quickly. The Doctors say my wife's cancer likely first developed when she was 31, but since she has dense breast tissue it went undetected until recently. It's good to know you were able to have some fun on occasion, I hope that is the case for my wife as well. They told us she is ER+, but we haven't been told if it's "strongly" ER+ or not. I will look into that to see where we stand. Good luck to you too!

debiann: Thank you for sharing that thread! I'm still learning how to navigate this forum. The links are very helpful. I will definitely look into the advice on that thread. I've already noticed that adoption is difficult for cancer survivors, which would throw a wrench into our backup plan. Thank you for sharing the haircut advice. I will suggest to my wife to get her haircut by a pro, and then ask if they will shave it when the time comes. I know one hairdresser has offered to use her discount on wigs so my wife can get a good one at a reduced cost. I will be her rock. I am still working towards being strong for her, I know she is really scared, but sometimes I look at her and tears fill my eyes because it breaks my heart that this is happening to her.

Thank you all for your honesty and strength. You are all an inspiration.

Trvler: Thank you. I will keep everyone updated post surgery. Wishing you the best as well.

Windingshores: The plan for chemo is the one laid out by the oncologist. We have met with all of our potential doctors, even the radiology doc. We are actually on our 2nd oncologist because the first one didn't seem to want to do her job in a timely manner. I will spare you all the drama, but let's just say I'm probably "flagged" down there. As far as the lymph nodes, we are going off of a few indicators. First, my wife had zero pain in the area, there was no sign of swelling of the nodes, and the ultrasound showed no sign of any of that either. I know that doesn't mean they were free and clear before, but now they are painful and swollen. I am still angry about how long it has taken to get to surgery. 72 days after diagnosis is ridiculous in my mind, but we are one week away now, and I'm trying to stay positive for my wife. She doesn't need the extra stress. They only offered to put her on Tamoxifen after I complained how long they were taking to get to surgery. So yeah, I am looking for 2nd opinions post surgery. There is a better facility in another city, but is closer to my wife's place of work. They are doing our fertility work and we have walked over there from her building. I don't know if she can do that going through chemo, but if it gets her better treatment I don't care, I will carry her there.

We have contacted the doctors regarding the strength of her hormone positive cancer. I did show my wife your post, and we are going to be asking these questions and getting 2nd and 3rd opinions once we get the pathology from the surgery. Thank you for your advice. We learn so much from these forums. We understand that we won't know exactly what is in store for her until after the surgery. The chemo plan right now is just based on her age and size of the tumor. She actually has 2 tumors close together, so they are adding the 2 together for size. The MRI revealed a couple other small suspicious spots, but we didn't get a biopsy on them because we decided on a double anyway. And as we have learned, "suspicious" spots mean noting. They were so certain that the spots on her liver were cancer that the surgeon cried when she told us. That was 2 weeks of feelings that I never want to experience again. Thank God for that awesome phone call that it wasn't cancer. I think that was the first time I ever cried and laughed at the same time.

My wife is getting her haircut at this very moment. She was supposed to last night but the stylist had an emergency. She has had her teeth cleaned this week and today we are going out shopping for a wig. If chemo is in some way avoidable we will definitely look into that. We haven't heard anything otherwise. Our main concern was the radiation. That doctor made it clear that he didn't want to radiate my wife if at all possible. I think that was mainly regarding the lumpectomy versus the mastectomy, but it still made an impression on us.

Thank you for your opinions and thoughts. They are very much appreciated. I am here to learn, People and doctors have asked us how we learned about breast cancer so quickly, and it's because we have been talking to the people who are fighters. I have encourage my wife to attend the local Young Survivor Coalition meeting. I am hoping she can draw strength from meeting people just like her. Like I told the reporter who is going to interview us when she said she was doing a story about women with breast cancer in the area, the cancer survivor community is a tough and supportive group. My wife and I plan on beating this, but we can never walk away from this. We plan on helping others, just as others have helped us.

Best wishes to you all.

The surgery is tomorrow morning. I'm trying to stay calm for my wife but internally I am freaking out. This may sound dumb, but I know a lot of you have been through this before...Can someone tell me it's going to be OK? I really need my wife to be OK.

Any last advice to prepare for surgery or for when she comes home is also appreciated. I am have been busy shopping for supplies and sanitizing the house. Her short haircut looks super cute. She even went wig shopping last weekend just to get that out of the way.

We had a fun last weekend before the fight. Went to a baseball game, outdoor music fest, got a room downtown, went out to dinner, and hit the late night food carts, etc....Now we fight!