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MommyLoves79
MommyLoves79 Member Posts: 1
edited August 2015 in Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment

I'm consumed by my cancer...if I feel normal for a minute I feel bad, I feel horrible all the time...I have a good prognosis, and every hope to believe I'm not going die from this but all I can think about is my little children motherless. I'm not normally emotional-I'm that strong person who says f@$k this I'm going to kick its @ss but the last few days I feel helpless. I'm about 1/2 week into chemo tx 1. When does this NOT me person leave

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  • Kimmer33
    Kimmer33 Member Posts: 386
    edited August 2015

    hey, I understand how you feel. You are much further along than I am, as i am still awaiting my UMX at the end of this month. It's all-consuming for me, i eat, breathe and sleep with this awful feeling constantly. What is your diagnosis, I dont see it with your post?

    Hugs, praying for peace for you tonight.

    Kim

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  • keepthefaith
    keepthefaith Member Posts: 2,156
    edited August 2015

    It will subside; give yourself the time you need. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's a process...not an event. The only way you will get to the other side is to go through it; you can't go around it, you can't go under, you can't go over it...and you will get through it. I think it took me about a yr after chemo to finally feel like I did before my DX, mentally, physically and emotionally. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Best wishes to you both.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2015

    Dear MommyLoves79, welcome to Breastcancer.org. We understand how you're feeling, and we hope you find the encouragement and support you need here in this warm and caring community. Hang in there, and vent anytime you need to. We're all here to support you.

    The Mods

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  • CatsRus
    CatsRus Member Posts: 310
    edited August 2015

    Mommyloves79, I had 4 rounds of chemo and about 5 days into each my mood would plummet and i had lots of dark thoughts. Then it would pass and I'd be more optimistic again. I figured out early on what was happening and then had to keep reminding myself that the mood would pass but it's hard. I wish I could tell you I never have dark thoughts now chemo is done, I do... but nothing like during chemo. I'm a month post chemo and it does get easier. I think it will be easier to feel less like a cancer patient once I have hair again!

    Good luck to you

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  • DSW1976
    DSW1976 Member Posts: 118
    edited August 2015

    I don't know if I can be of much help but I will sure try. I know how you feel to my core man im tearing up reading what you wrote as I finshed my last chemo march 16th2015  and today I had a dark day but they are far and few between.  I did figure out that the steroids with chemo had alot to do with it as well not that it all in it self Isn't justified .  I have a 8 year old and to this day it eats me alive but life goes on and I can sit here and tell you post chemo you will get here and feel better.  Im sorry you are going through this.  

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  • Trish3-
    Trish3- Member Posts: 4
    edited August 2015

    Mommyloves79,
    I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I feel like I had to mourn the person that I was before my diagnosis. Before my diagnosis I was me and now I was going to be "the girl with cancer". I felt like that's all people would see because it's all I could think about. I worried about my children. Not so much that they would lose me, but for what they were getting ready to see me go through. Take your time and feel all of your feelings. I really think there are certain stages everyone goes through. Dispair is one of them. I promise you will get through this and it will make you stronger. I hope you are handeling your treatments well and that you are feeling better very soon.
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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited August 2015

    ML-we've all been there girl and it's okay. I had those dark terrible moments too and I truly think that the chemo causes depression in and of itself. ((hugs)) I wish I could give you a hug.

    You aren't going to feel like this forever, I promise.

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