How to celebrate a significant Birthday?

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Hear2day
Hear2day Member Posts: 11
edited August 2015 in Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries

How does one get through their significant birthday (60 for me) just after first few chemos, losing hair, emergency hospitalization, neutropina diet & thrush? Newly diagnosed Her2+ invasive, stageII... Truthfully, I am tired of listing & researching my alphabet soup cancer for myself. Tired of me,mi,mi, from the opera "La Boheme". At least for now. How about you- Anyone have special day stories & how they managed to celebrate or create something different?

You probably know someone like me. I'm the Kool Aide mom who loves celebrating everyone's birthday/ special days by doing something big or finding & fulfilling a secret wish. I acquired a door from a small plane, wrapped it, created a treasure hunt to find eventually the gift of a flight in a WWII plane for a husband who dreamed of flying a plane. The certificate was signed by "Captain Kirk" Miller. Close enough to Star Trek! He was thrilled & the kids enjoyed the riddles to find next clue. It was a gift, within a gift & wrapped with love & a few great memories. And that was months before the actual plane flight. Oh, and the price of this trip, an Air Force veteran receives the funds & a portion (20% if memory serves) goes to Veterans in need! Another gift extended to others! I love spending months hunting down & giving perfect small gifts & watching their eyes grow big & smiles go wide. Loved tracking down my son-in-law's favorite baseball player. Then tracking down where he would be holding signing events. Then getting the certificate of authenticity. And there were more adventures for that gift. But I think you can see the point. To me, that is my greatest joy. When I take someone on a special trip, I love watching their faces. I don't need to see what's on the stage. What I see in their glowing faces is so much more wonderful. Each card given takes hours just to make or find just the right one to fit the day, use the right words, & make that person feel so special. No little detail escapes me. When anything is given with love & joy, it is sure to please & create great memories. And isn't that the whole point of celebrating! Love!

When my mother passed away when I was 21, I never celebrated my birthday again. I felt the reason for my birthday left too soon & without my mom, my birthday was just a date I put down on forms. Nothing special. I would on my birthdate, on occasion, buy gifts to surprise a few people who needed a cheer up. It was a good use for the day. But I thought this year, maybe, my 60th would be a good year to celebrate a little. Well, plans changed completely. No one can plan because chemo is unpredictable for me. And who knew toxins can be so, well, toxic!

So what to do with someone who is not materialistic. I love creating events & memories. But my dear daughter & poor husband are lost. They would rather buy me something, anything. They showed me Internet items & store circulars trying to see what I like. I don't need jewelry on my fingers. I'd rather count my blessings on them or count those few remaining relatives I have. Clothes are nice, but when you are on chemo & other meds, sizes go up & down. And I really don't need fancy clothes to rough house with my big sweet 150 pound dog. Gently of course. Spas are nice but can't risk infections and I'd rather spend time using my hands to support a friend or help my family.

I guess I must be the most difficult person in the world to give a gift.

Truly, this 60th birthday, I would be thrilled to give my birthday date away to someone who doesn't have one. Throw a charity flash mob for The Carol Baldwin Breast Center or Breastcancer.org. These are just a few of the worthy charities I would love to help. Just celebrate being alive that day in this world by making as many people as I can, smile on that day. Maybe break a record on passing on smiles! I'm no celebrity, & I am just a mom. Not rich, famous or infamous. But I can dream big about creating smiles at least, right?

But wouldn't it be a wonderful way to spend a birthday? Making people smile! Now that would be a really happy birthday!

Hope everyone who has a special day celebrate it & smile! Pass it on!

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  • goodprognosis
    goodprognosis Member Posts: 251
    edited July 2015

    Hello Hear... Just saw your post. What a thoughtful and giving person you are. I hope you have a wonderful day, you deserve it, and here's a big smile just for you - from a 62 and counting year old......x x x

    Happy

    have a wonderful birthday - hope it's not passed by this stage..........

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  • Hear2day
    Hear2day Member Posts: 11
    edited July 2015

    Hi Goodprognosis!

    Thanks for the first smile I can collect! Wouldn't it be wonderful to just collect hugs as well as smiles for every special occasion? It is the gift that keeps giving.

    I made my husband do an experiment in his office. You see there was this coworker who always scowls and never says "Good Morning" or even a smile of acknowledgment to coworkers. I told my husband to make a point of smiling in a friendly non-threatening way and just say hi "her name" as he greets everyone in the walk to his office. He was not to leave anyone out or single one person exclusively. Same thing on way out in the evening. He didn't have to be chatty or invasive of privacy. Just a friendly smile as he walked past coworkers. Within 6 weeks, she said "hello" and gave a small smile back. She even began to greet other workers.

    Have you ever worked in an office where one person comes to work in a really awful mood. Didn't it seem as if that feeling spread like the flu through the office until everyone just felt on edge. The same is true of a smile. If you ever feel sad, just look in a mirror and smile at yourself. There is a scientific/psychological reason for it. But what really matters is that it works.

    I always make a point to say a friendly real hello to everyone I walk past at Carol Baldwin Breast Center. Doesn't matter if I know her/his name. Doesn't matter if they are staff or fellow patients. It just makes me feel good when they smile back and they smile at each other. The room feels more warm and friendly. And don't we all like to be in a room of friends instead of strangers.

    May you have a friendly smiley week,

    Hugs to you also

    Daisy who is Hear2day!

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  • Bunnybumps
    Bunnybumps Member Posts: 75
    edited August 2015

    Hi Hear2day, I just came across your post, and if your birthday has passed, I hope it was great for you and your family. In our family, once you turn 18, no more gifts, period. Only, perhaps, a gift between spouses. We typically celebrate with a meal, cake, cards and lively chatter. We recently celebrated my sister's 50th with making a special meal of her choice, all seven of us together, at home. A bit of 1940s music on, rolling out dough, chopping up bits. It was lovely and she had a wonderful time. Birthdays can be built up to crazy expectations, but at the end of the day it's the love from your family that makes it special. And I don't think the reason for your birthday went with your mother, may she rest in peace. You are the very special reason for your birthday and you should be celebrated. I also try to say hello and have a small chat with people. I'm usually an introvert, so it helps bring me out of my shell a bit and sometimes, I think, helps others while we wait for these awful appointments.

    Sending you a big smile!

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  • Hear2day
    Hear2day Member Posts: 11
    edited August 2015

    Hi Bunnybumps,

    You get it! You really really get it! It is about celebrating love not years. Thank you. And thank you for the big smile. Still collecting smiles.

    Birthdays really are about sharing love with new and old friends. It isn't about a cruise or a big party in a grand place. It is about a gathering, big or small-2 people even, a picnic or a special place where memories were made and creating new memories maybe at home or even at a dog park with your best buddy. It isn't about the cake, although I love cake, or the food served, but the soul nourished by love. The spirit, uplifted with gratitude of the past and hopeful for a future.

    Yes. Thank you for clarifying celebrating significant birthdays. Because the truth is all birthdays are significant because of love.

    Big smile back at ya, Hear2day

    And a big smile and thanks again to Goodprognosis. You started me thinking with your lovely thoughts!

    Ps. Check out my introduction post. It is about time I introduced myself properly

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  • Jacfin
    Jacfin Member Posts: 114
    edited August 2015

    sending you a smile from OZ, hear2day. I had a milestone birthday last week. My family and friends wanted to celebrate big time but I was feeling very fragile and asked them to dial it down a little. I thought about your post but I knew this precise moment in time would not be the right time for them to understand my desire to do something for others. I am not materialistic at all, but my family and friends needed to demonstrate in a tangible way that they loved me. I get it, but have made other personal arrangements to acknowledge my gratitude that I can celebrate my birthday, unlike so many others who have experienced bc this year.

    Thank you for this post

    And a smiley hug from me

    Jac

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  • goodprognosis
    goodprognosis Member Posts: 251
    edited August 2015

    Hi Here2D.

    Hope you are feeling good today. Saw you 'On Stage' on another thread. You looked like a Star.....

    BTW what's that lovely Bowler's name in your Avatar? He's a handsome old boy with his grey smig.


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