MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Minus and Native, thanks.
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FOUR MORE PAGES!!! We can make that goal folks.
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Momine, I am sure the waiting for this is equally as bad as all of the BC anxiety you have been thru'. Big mass on kidneys does not sound good, but identifying the problem comes first and here's hoping that resolving it follows shortly thereafter. Will try and check tomorrow for your post. I don't know how the sentiments have been in your family, but my family has kind of gotten used to me being the one to have all the travails. Heaven forbid my DH gets his own ailment...we have no experience along those lines at all!
Tomorrow, I am off early for the annual mammo. See there, Deb2012, I am not so remiss after all. However, I have graduated (backward) to just having screenings again--two squishes per boob, and it will no longer be same-day results. I will have to wait for the letter to arrive before I can exhale. I think a phone call would only mean one thing, so I sure don't want that.
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Momine, sorry to hear about your DH. All my fingers crossed for a good outcome for him. Hugs for you both.
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Eilmar - Here's hoping the Mammo wasn't too unpleasant and that you DON'T get a phone call.
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Yes to no phone call.
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Greetings ladies, Elimar, glad you're going for your mammo. I so enjoy seeing the banners change. Sorry to hear about Momine's DH worries. You may luck out. If the anti-biotic is working and it's related to the mass. Then it may be solely an infection w/o any cancer. If it wasn't having any effect, then it might be more worrisome. If the mass and the infection are unrelated, that's concerning. Let us know. My good friend is the one who had BC. Now her DH has melanoma. Same concept. We were always the "target", the suspect one. Shocking when it turns out that the DH grows a cancer also. Our dog is growing cancer. That will be another post. It's like a Honeymooners episode because it's not as cheery as an I Love Lucy. Stay tuned for that story.
I can't get over how so many of us are falling apart. Teeth, bones etc. I wonder if it would be statistically relevant if some research folks were to peruse various posts/threads on BCO and use them to do studies of side effects etc. based on our posts. We have our DX's at the bottom of the posts. I wonder how many years based on BCO posts was the average time lapse before recurrence for the unfortunate ones who get a recurrence? Clinicians ought to be able to get some type of credit by having to read various themes/threads so they know how we all really feel about what happens to us and the "marvelous" advancements that jump up and bite us in the ptootie years later.
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Well said, Deborah!
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Thanks all for the good thoughts. We got the report from the CT, but neither one of us can make out what it means. It has a lot of "possibly" "maybe" etc in it. We managed to track down a doctor (prime holiday time here) who offered to interpret tomorrow.
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It was 45 minutes from getting handed the clipboard to being back out the door. That was my mammo morning. I was wrong about just two squishes per boob tho'. They took two more on my treatment side. Like a nipple profile or something. My scar is close to that area, so maybe that is the deal; but at least I no longer have to get the magnification paddles so that is some progress, right? I looked on the screen and at a glance saw that my tissues are as dense as ever, so whitish all over but nothing that looked lumpy. Not at all worried and looking forward to the letter next week to make it official.
Sorry you have to deal with another day of suspense, Momine. Let us know.
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I don't post that much on BCO anymore, and mainly just on this thread. Let me just say, I will be happy if we do reach 30,000 (and or 1,000 pages) by thread-versary #6 on Aug. 22; l but if not, no big deal. Really. It will happen when it happens.
I have thoughts about this thread:
1) If I had been a more active hostess this past year, we would have been beyond 30,000 by now, but the fact is my mind does not dwell in the House of BC that much anymore. Good for me and anyone who has liquidated that piece of real estate also. If we fall a few post short of a celebration on Aug. 22, that's on me. But there will STILL be a celebration on that day. Consider this your invite.
2) Because many of this thread's "regulars" (birds of a feather, so to speak---the slightly nutty with a healthy dose of skepticism thrown in for good measure kind of folk) are now some years out from Dx, the thread has lost some of the immediacy and some of the BC relevance that it had when more of us were newly diagnosed. We are just not reading every journal article that comes down the pike anymore. That is too bad but, again, a natural happening over time. We are just not on the brink of insanity over treatment choices, so there is less of that.
3) This was and is a great group, IMO. Otherwise, I think I would be long gone. I would like to say thanks to each person who tagged this thread as a "favorite." (You have good taste!)
4) Someone, whose anonymity I will protect, recently opined that all the popular social threads have devolved into women bragging about themselves. Hahaha. Guilty as charged! I have regularly let my ego off the leash here, and if that was recognized and found to be annoying, I do apologize (not that I wouldn't do it again, mind you) but please realize that I was aware and laughing at myself even as I did it. This thread was tool to get me through the BC difficulties, and it served that end very well. This thread was MY therapy. Cheaper than a shrink.
5) Hope this thread will continue to attract Newbies and, with or without me, I hope it continues to provide information, support and humor to those in need of it. Also, hope it can steer away from the weather talk. In perpetuity...
Now, my thoughts turn to lunch... -
MmMMM, what's for lunch? I wanted to say thank you elimar, because this has been one of my faves, and one of these days I will treat myself from the very beginning, and really see whats up!!! That will be fun. Sorry for the extra views, i think thats just what they do now, I don't know, or maybe its just me. I have been complaining about my tx center for a long time now, but it just does really seem like a LOT of work to go through the annoyance of doing the work to get a new one. But hey, I am more willing now, cause what if I really really like my new team? Wouldn't that be much better than being pissed off at my old fuckface docs? Sure! Thanks for making such a good place for us el
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Not really posting to help meet the goal, more posting a bit of a mental set back. 2.5 years out, and like most of you, BC has taken its rightful place in the back of the room, only to rear its ugly head at mammo time or doctor's office. But yesterday a young gal I worked with posted on social media (oh why do people do this) that her mother had recently been diagnosed with a reoccurence in her spine. I feel horrible for her because her poor mom really had just a year from the time of finishing active treatment to experiencing pain that lead to this diagnoses.
The rational part of me understands that her cancer was a far different animal than mine, first diagnosed as stage IIIC. I'd be rather shallow and selfish to compare my diagnoses to her's. But I'm almost dreading going back to work (I teach school) and seeing this journey her mom is on through her eyes. Even as I emailed her to lend her my support and to help in any way, a small part of me wants to put blinders on and not look at this. I know people live long lives with a diagnoses of stage IV. I know there are many people who live with this situation as a manageable disease. I guess deep down I just don't want to acknowledge the possibility. I'm a hesitant adult, dragged kicking and screaming into facing my own mortality when diagnosed. You'd think a person on the cusp of 60 years of age would be more "mature" about life in general.
Oh well now that I've had my little pity party and mental glitch I guess it's back to the reality of understanding that worrying won't change things, except to waste my time. Count my blessings, pull on the big (and old) girl panties and move on. This is probably the only place to vent this without someone being mad or questioning my sanity (at least to my face). Read often, seldom post, but it's nice knowing everyone is out there.
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kkuziel, one "hesitant adult" to another, it is important to examine these feelings once in a while. I am experiencing something similar myself right now. A friend has a brother that has CRC, and she is feeling the need to share his treatment plan, his SEs, and even his emails to her with me. I have never met her brother; however, because she is a friend, I feel like I should supply what she is needing from me. I try to give some interpretive comments to help her better understand what is going on with him. Kind of doing my duty as a friend, but not really wanting to give CRC that much thought anymore either, truth be told. It's kind of weird.
After we spend all day every day thinking about cancer, only then can we realize what a blessing it is not to have to do that anymore. How lucky we are if we can even reach that point.
I would really like to express something... Remember back when you were a young(er) woman, before cancer. Someone might mention, "so-and-so has cancer," and you would have a reaction like, "Oh, that is terrible. Sorry to hear that," but you had no actual feeling to connect with that thinking. Guess what? Now you do. When you find out someone has cancer, you know the ordeal they will face...all the time that will be spent...getting their body cut...getting treatments that suck the life out...the coin toss on whether it's really going to be gone or not. Now you KNOW the REAL TRAGEDY involved when you hear about someone getting cancer. Terrible, isn't it?
I don't even have to take a poll. I know you all can feel it too.
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Yep. True. very true
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oh elimar, I remember saying more times than I care to admit when someone would say that so and so was getting tests for this or that, and they would finally disclose that instead of cancer it was colitis or, MS, or some other thing that wasn't cancer. Invariably someone else would say (even myself), "thank god, at least it wasn't cancer." Like we made cancer the worst evil in the world, the worst diagnosis one could hear. No wonder we are all terrorized by our own diagnosis. I now cring when the same situation occurs now and someone says that very thing and I'm sitting right there. You are right we all need to revisit our fears once in a while. Thanks for understanding my crazed moment
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kkuziel! Go and look at that 'crazy town' thread I told you about! Didn't you get a pm from me?
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El--happy for the good mammo experience!Very good observations about the natural evolution of threads on BCO.
Kkuziel--I don't see your reaction to your friend's news about her mom as a pity party or mental glitch.I see it as a normal reaction to hearing about bad news that could, conceivably, happen to us, that is a start reminder of how much we don't know about our futures.I am a hospice nurse and regularly meet women with a history of breast cancer, both dying of breast cancer and dying of another disease entirely, and have learned that it will bring me up short with the question of "will that be me someday?"I've also learned to take some time to feel the feelings and remind myself of why I chose the treatment options I did, and my personal plans for managing a recurrence or the emergence of mets, if that ever happens, and then move on.That being said, watching your friend's mom's journey through your friend's eye will probably be pretty hard.I'll be praying for you, and her.
El--yup.Very different reaction after being through the process myself.Very different.
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Momine: any news yet? Hoping that the antibiotics are helping.
Elimar: good that the mammo is over. Dense breasts, too? I thought mine would get less dense after hystrectomy, but not so far. And yes, it is a blessing when we do not have to think about cancer, every day and every hour. I wish that for all of us.
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Hi ladies, I was diagnosed last November, I am going through radiation now but I have to say that I don't think about BC everyday like I used to, I think about it maybe every other day, if that. I don't even really think about it when I'm driving to or from radiation, I just go through that motion. Is this normal to feel this way?? I feel like the worse part, surgery and chemo are behind me and I refuse to allow BC to rule my life. Have any of you felt this way? I spoke to one of my sisters about it and she said that she thinks that it's too soon for me to feel this way, but then she hasn't walked this road either.
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Greetings, 6doggies (from one "little pink doggy" here.) Since everyone is of a different mindset, there is right or wrong, no normal or abberant time frame to feel anything associated with this disease. I am glad that you can fee you are moving forward so soon. Some do not get to that place as quick. Are you in some kind of denial? Heck no! Your mind is probably just taking charge again so that you can enjoy life even while going to your daily rads. and that is probably the healthiest course of thought/action the mind can take, IMO.
Now, can I quiz you a little? Did you have the Oncotype DX test done and get an intermediate score? What was your ER+ percentage? Are you under age 50? I ask because I am surprised that you had the AC/T and not just the TC. You had a pretty strong chemo! On a lighter note of interrogation...what kind of hairdo are you sporting these days?
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6doggies, I was like that, too. I really felt like I was handling it all so well, taking it in stride, and so forth and so on. Looking forward to getting on with life. Then, after treatment was essentially over I went through a period of obsession with all things breast cancer. I'm kind of in the middle now, sometimes I don't think about it at all for days or even weeks, but then I'll start up again, reading, visiting these boards, etc. I think I'm afraid I'll miss something new (research, development, etc.). I'm hoping I'll reach a balance soon.
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el, are you saying with
my diagnosis, that I missed out on a chemo that i should have had??? Is that why, when my stupid previous breast surgeon finally remembered to take a look-see at my non cancer tit, and saw clustered linear and branching micro calcifications, she about messed her drawers, and said that my onc must have given me the wrong chemo. (she was part of the tumor board, and must have known exactly what she was doing...HA) . That's why she is 'previous'. Earlierier today, I saw someone misspell it to pervious, and now THAT is my favorite word of the day. -
Tommie, You must have had some chemo. Are you saying that you had TC alone? I hate to call it "chemo lite" but many early stagers seem to get 4 rounds of that as "insurance." I would think you might have been given something "heavier." The Adriamycin portion is a heavy-hitter and, yes, quite a few with your Dx seem to get that combo. I'm just making observations, generalizations. I do know that the docs review the best course, but sometimes it seems to follow no set of rules...to me, that is, on the outside looking in. So, those questions were just me trying to make some sense of what I think of as major league chemo.
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elimar, she did want me to do chemo first to shrink it, but as I knew nothing, and hadn't found BCO yet, I refused. Maybe that was the one they were going to give me first (Adriamycin, or Adriamycin and Cytoxan). But, I thought I would get rampant infections, (it happened to 3 people I know!), so all I got was 6 rounds of what they called "serious" amounts of TC, plus a year of Perception, even though I was equivocal by both tests, for that. I do hope it was enough, although part of me wishes I would have got to do just hormonal treatments at first! Especially for the fact that it was a scant decade or so ago, that with as many nodes as I had just gruesome with cancel in them, and bursting out of them, i would have been labeled and treated as stage four.
Spell check called it perception instead of Herceptin, so I am leaving it that way.
Come on you guys, only a handful of days left!!! Then we will come and throw a celebration for elimar, for all of us!
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O my goodness! That was EXACTLY the look I had on my face!!! But then I went home and licked my boyfriend.
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Glennie, thanks, yes, the antibiotic is working. We found another doctor, who convinced dh to check himself into the hospital today for 24 hours of further tests. Basically, there is a blockage at the base of the right kidney. Problem is that they can't easily see what it is exactly, even on the CT. It may well be cancer, but it could also be something else. So, the hope is that with some more tests they can at least make a correct DX. The doc we found last night seems excellent, so I feel he is in good hands now and that we are starting to get some answers.
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Momine, Hope that all turns out well for your DH and that it is nothing serious at all.
Re: back in the day, when you would hear someone had a cancer diagnosis, and you would say and think how horrible, and if you were a praying sort of person you might say, "I'll be praying for you(her,him,them)." and then you just sorta forgot and didn't. That is so how I USED to be. Now, I don't say I will pray unless I follow through. Now, I usually don't say anything out loud like "oh when I went through cancer....." unless I am asked in relationship to the person the topic is about. Now, I feel bad for the diagnosed but I also know that there are all kinds of treatment options, etc. I think, pre-cancer, I thought all cancer was chemo'd and possibly radiated immediately. How much we learn when it is us, not someone else.
BUT.....I am VERY happy that BC doesn't occupy my every waking thought and moment. I am VERY happy that my diagnosis led me to these discussion boards and this one in particular. After I'd had my lumpectomy, chemo and radiation, I knew I was going to be put on a medication. My 2nd cousin, who had had the same diagnosis as me, had been put on Tamoxifen, so I found a thread re: that lovely little drug and lurked. While on there, I saw posts from a gal called "Elimar" who literally had me laughing out loud more than once a day, so I checked her member profile and saw she was the starter of this thread and I wanted to read more from her and so that's how I ended up here, just a couple months after the birth of the thread. I have to say, it was the best "googling" I ever did on this site. This thread is about the only one I check on a regular basis and I have come to "know" and love so many of you. I can't wait for the thread's birthday celebration!!!!!!
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6doggies--there is no "right" time line for feelings and reactions to getting a bc diagnosis and going through treatment.Whatever you are feeling is normal for you.Could there be some denial going on?Sure. Denial is probably the mind's most powerful and useful coping mechanism.If that's what is going on it isn't interfering with you getting treatment, so it's no problem.There's no known benefit to constantly being aware of, thinking about and emotionally reacting to having a bc diagnosis, anyway.It takes a lot of energy to go to rads every day and for your body to be constantly trying to repair the healthy, cells getting damaged, why waste any on worry or whatever.It is common, just so you know, for women to go through a rather intense emotional reaction time after treatment is over.It's like the mind shunts the energy from the emotional to the physical during treatment, then re-directs the energy to processing the emotional impact.But that may nor may not apply to you.
Momine--glad to hear you are finally getting some answers and are in good hands!
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elimar, I'm still sporting the "wig" look, my hair is about an inch and a half long all over, I work in Sales and don't feel comfortable showing my short short look yet, but today was the first day that I didn't have to do my eyebrows (happy dance), they finally decided to grow and are full enough that I didn't need to add to them, now if only my lashes would grow faster! Yes, I did have the Oncotype test done, came back at 32, Estrogen is 93% and I'm 47, diagnosed when I was 46. The MO said that he wanted to make sure that I lived a long life and was going to do everything that he could to make sure that happens.
SDM000, I have researched so much about BC when I was first diagnosed, as I am sure that we all do, that I feel pretty educated on the subject, unfortunately. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty more for me to learn but I feel comfortable with my medical team and my treatment plan. I may feel differently come September 11, when I complete radiation. I still have the "what if's" sneak up on me from time to time but I try to push them aside and focus on the here and now.
NativeMaine, I have to agree, there is no right time line for any of our feelings, we feel what we do when we do, no right or wrong. I had a very wise man tell me that worrying is like a rocking chair, it gets you no where! LOL I also have had the great opportunity to meet some wonderful older ladies with BC at the treatment center that I go to, they are always upbeat and happy, the one told me that it ain't nothing but a thing and she isn't going to waste her time worrying about the what if's in life, she also said that her daughter gets mad at her because she doesn't take BC seriously.
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