Just scared like everyone else :(

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  • sbeddows
    sbeddows Member Posts: 29
    edited July 2015

    Thanks slowdeepbreaths. I flip from optimistic to pessimistic every hour it seems.....I am able to just block things out for a bit at a time now which at least gives mt brain a rest :) I just keep praying for the best outcome I can have.

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  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 3,039
    edited July 2015

    Coming by to see how you were doing. If you haven't started leveling out emotionally by Monday, I too would suggest asking/insisting about being evaluated for depression/anxiety. What you do about it is up to you, but a) having an official paper trail helps if you DO decide you want medication/psychological consultation and b) you wouldn't be alone in needing it! Trust me. (Details available by PM upon request)

    (wryly) Not that this helps much right now; I apologize for not suggesting it during regular doctors' hours.

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  • Nichcosmo
    Nichcosmo Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2015

    Hi, I'm new here myself. Recently diagnosed last week...still waiting on my treatment plan. I'm 41 years old. My fiance was the one who found a lump...located in my right breast. So I had a mammogram and Ultrasound done. The Ultrasound revealed a suspicion in my left breast. The radiologist looked it over and told me he felt no need for concern as it didn't "look" cancerous to him. Nothing further was done. Mind you, this took place in April. At a regular visit with my family Doctor we discussed these tests some-what and he felt that the "suspicion" was cause for further review. He said and I quote, "This is your life we're talking about." So he referred me to an Oncologist who felt the same as he did and scheduled me for an MRI. After that I was then scheduled for an MRI/Biopsy which I had done on Tuesday July 21, 2015. 3 and a half months AFTER my Mammogram. My next appointment with her was that Thursday where she told me that the Pathology report confirms it is indeed cancer. BUT the report and samples were sent to the Mayo Clinic for further review. I'm not clear why they were sent to the Mayo Clinic except that she said "they are the best in the world and they look at Cancer all day, every day and you want the best in the world to review it." My next appointment with her is next week. She will then go over the Report with me and I assume a treatment plan. She said the report normally take about a week to come back, so hopefully she will have it in hand to discuss with me. I'm still in shock and quite surprised because I was honestly not expecting these results to come back as cancer since the radiologist told me in April he saw no need for concern. It's now more than 3 months later and I'm told I do in-fact have cancer but with no plan yet. So on top of worrying about having breast cancer I'm concerned now too that it's been untreated as of date and has it possibly spread by now!!

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  • lynn61
    lynn61 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2015

    Thanks sbeddows for your positive words for my surgery, I really appreciate it. Your anxiety seems to be following the same course mine did and I assume probably most. The first few days were the worst, followed by periods of handling it pretty well and then of course some moments when the anxiety takes over. You will feel better once you have all the results and a plan in place. I read the following and it I think it helps...Remember you are no sicker than you were the day before your diagnosis but now you are doing something about it. I will be thinking of you Wednesday and thinking positive thoughts.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2015

    Ladies, the women you start this process with will most likely become your life long friends. Stick close to each other. It will help get you through all the anxiety. Always find time to laugh and just keeping moving forward. You will get through this. To the new women that posted here - welcome to BCO. You picked a great place for support. Hugs to you all!!

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  • lynn61
    lynn61 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2015

    SlowDeepBreaths - Thanks for your encouraging words and support, and I am finding it does indeed help to talk to others who are going through the same things.

    Nichcosmo - I know it is hard and I am new to this too but a little ahead as I have my diagnosis already and surgery tomorrow. I try hard to deal with the moment and not try to let my mind go beyond what facts I already have. It is not always easy but I really try and that helps. I know waiting for tests is hard, I tried to keep busy and keep my mind off it while waiting. Once you have a plan in place it gets easier. I walked in for my consultation so scared and walked out feeling so much better.

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  • Nichcosmo
    Nichcosmo Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2015

    Thank you Slow Deep Breaths! It has been helpful and a bit overwhelming at the same time which rises the anxiety. But I am glad to be here! Thank you!

    lynn61- I agree it will be easier once the plan is in place and I know exactly what's to be expected for me. Working and keeping busy has helped tremendously. And thank you for the advice, you're absolutely right "stay in the moment." I will remind myself of that any time I start to get ahead of myself! :) Thank you ladies and may God bless you and keep you!


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  • TexasFlower
    TexasFlower Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2015

    I too will find out treatment options on Tuesdsy and am very scared. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • Nichcosmo
    Nichcosmo Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2015

    TexasFlower

    Please update us about what you find out on Tuesday. I should know Thursday. May God bless you and keep you! Your in my prayers sweetie!


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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2015

    We are here for all of you amazing, strong women! Please continue to keep us posted, and we're here for you!

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  • sbeddows
    sbeddows Member Posts: 29
    edited July 2015

    I'm so sorry to see new people on here like me but so glad there are people to talk to. I hope we all get through this together! Thank you to everyone for your support. It's so hard to go to Google and look at stats and outcomes then not panic. So I am going to stop.

    Did anyone take curcumin?! I have started taking it to hopefully help......the hardest thing is sitting doing nothing so at least this might be helping things..... waiting for treatment is the worst part of this all......nothing is being done to kill or stop this thing so I figure I will try to do some diy treatment until I can get some chemo....fingers crossed....

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  • CAMommy
    CAMommy Member Posts: 437
    edited July 2015

    I had to stop my estrogen patch the day my biopsy came back so I've at least felt I'm now starving whatever is in there since it is 95% positive for estrogen. Since I had my ovaries removed 2 years ago I'm only making a tiny amount of estrogen now

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  • Ridley
    Ridley Member Posts: 634
    edited July 2015

    hey sbeddows - I'm in Toronto as well. Was diagnosed just over 2 years ago. You are in the worst period of this whole crazy mess - you have a cancer diagnosis, but don't have a complete diagnosis and don't have a treatment plan. PM me if you have any questions about Toronto specific stuff or if you want to talk. I would be happy to help any way that I can. Hang in there!

    Ridley

    Ps after I had a diagnosis, I started having weird symptoms - turned out to be nothing. Just my body reacting to being overwhelmed I think.


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  • lynn61
    lynn61 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2015

    Had my lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy yesterday. It went very well! The pathology done in the surgery room showed lymph nodes removed were clear/negative. Results for the sample sent out should be in by Friday. Praying and hoping for low oncotype score to skip out on chemo. Glad to have the surgery part behind me. I had a very good experience with very caring and experienced staff all around. Feeling grateful.

    Thinking and praying for all those waiting for test results/consultations this week. You are stronger than you think.

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  • TAI_1967
    TAI_1967 Member Posts: 4
    edited July 2015

    Hi All. I am a new member here, from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It's a long way to USA but I am so grateful to find this forum and on-line support group as I haven't found one locally. The first thing I did was to go to the Stage 3 group discussions because I needed to know and understand members who are in the same diagnosis stage as I am.

    My story: I have been recently diagnosed and was so fearful when the pathology report ( based on my mastectomy performed on 10 July 2015 ) came back with Grade 3A, 3 lymph nodes affected out of 14 nodes. It has been emotionally difficult but I have learned to accept it. I am taking it slowly, one day at a time, to remain positive and be grateful for what I have. Just had my chemo port surgery yesterday and will start my chemo next Wednesday. Regimen is FEC ( 5FU + Epirubicin + Cytoxan) for 3 cycles, every 3 weeks and then followed by Taxotere for 3 cycles.

    I look forward to participate in this community and uphold each other as we all continue in our fight against BC and our journey to wellness !

    Blessings,

    Rachel Tai

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2015

    Hi Tai, Welcome to the BCO community, and thank you for sharing your story with all of us here. We hope you are finding the forums helpful.

    Warm wishes,

    Moderators.

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  • sbeddows
    sbeddows Member Posts: 29
    edited July 2015

    Hi all....well pathology showed I am triple negative so that officially sucks! Starting chemo next Friday and praying it works. All of my imaging came back clear so that a definately plus.....I actually had a complete meltdown when I found out so the triple negative info didn't affect me as much as it should have. So here the journey begins I guess......Praying for my life. I hope the chemo kills all of these nasty things in all of us!!!!

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  • lynn61
    lynn61 Member Posts: 26
    edited July 2015

    Sbeddows - I have been thinking of you and so happy to hear all of your imaging came back clear! That is wonderful news! Now you have a plan of action. I know having the cancer still sucks but now you are going to actively fight it and win!

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  • Kimmer33
    Kimmer33 Member Posts: 386
    edited July 2015

    sbeddows

    So sorry to hear, keep strong! My results tomorrow...

    Kim

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  • Holeinone
    Holeinone Member Posts: 2,478
    edited July 2015

    Rachel Tai & SBeddows,

    I am sorry you both are needing to be here....getting the bottom line of pathology & a plan does help. It is comforting to know what you have & what needs to be done. Chemo is easy for some, hard for others. I read here all the time, ladies that basically sailed through it. Worked, took care of there families. I was pretty sick, but had a severe health issue before chemo. Also, had the red devil...aka A/C...

    Rachel, I am also stage 3... The Drs. I have, treated it aggressively in the beginning, meaning chemo, but after that you are in the same boat as someone that is stage 0. Your experience will be different. ..I am exactly 2 years out.... Still difficult, not confident that all is well. Time heals, but way to slow...

    Sbeddows, sorry.....your 2 young, with a toddler.....really upsets me. Rant & rave if you need too. This website is wonderful, because we can be truthful, with no judgements. We get it, walking the same scary path.


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  • Murphy43
    Murphy43 Member Posts: 25
    edited July 2015

    Hi all,


    I just found out I am triple receptor negative as well. I had a lumpectomy July 7 before I knew my receptor status and also just found out that they did not get all of the cancer. The margins were positive. And so I sit here and wait. I have been waiting for weeks. It seems all of the breast surgeons and oncologists in Calgary are on vacation. It is just so frustrating. I am going crazy with worry and have thoughts of mets running around my body. My lump was 3.2 cm, grade 3. My sentinel node was positive. This is crazy. Is anyone else experiencing the same thing?


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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2015

    sb, great to hear your imaging came out clear! I was also TN in one of my tumors. Chemo worked very well for me and shrunk that thing down to almost nothing. Keeping you in my thoughts.

    Murphy, so sorry to hear your margins weren't clear. Waiting just sucks.

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  • Kimmer33
    Kimmer33 Member Posts: 386
    edited August 2015

    Murphy

    Any idea how long you have to wait? So sorry, this is the worst. Do you have anti-anxiety meds u can take?

    Thinking of you and wishing you calm seas tonight.

    Kim

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  • Murphy43
    Murphy43 Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2015

    Hi Kim,

    I see the oncologist for the first time on Tuesday. I am hopeful I will be getting some answers and a plan. The waiting is definitely the worst.

    I am on anti anxiety meds and also have Ativan when I feel really panicky. The meds really help, so I would recommend that to any person just newly diagnosed who are feeling anxious.

    Cindy (Murphy)

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  • sbeddows
    sbeddows Member Posts: 29
    edited August 2015

    Thanks everyone....I got my hair chopped today....it's very Miley Cyrus punk like lol......my poor little girl was confused for a minute :) Toddlers are awesome.....even when you come back with your head shaved they act like nothing has happened!.....Murphy I hope you get seen soon.....I know the waiting game I am in it now for some chemo.....and this lump is starting to hurt....probably because I keep prodding it every 10 mins to see if it has grown.....

    I do just really want to say thank you to everyone one here. When I get desperate I come on here and always see so much love and support between people.....it's so comforting and refreshing. Thanks so much!

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  • Kimmer33
    Kimmer33 Member Posts: 386
    edited August 2015

    Hey sbeddows!

    Wow, you didn't waste any time with the hair! Interestingly enough, I have a hair appointment next Saturday which I had booked a few months back before I knew any of this would happen, and today have been contemplating a drastic haircut to ease the transition to bald. How long was your hair, and is it shaved now? Are you thinking of doing the wig thing, or just wrapping your head? I honestly never thought I would ever be talking to anyone about this, so surreal.

    Kim

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  • WinLT
    WinLT Member Posts: 6
    edited August 2015

    Holeinone

    I'm 3 weeks post mastectomy & ALND. I get the " you look great" comment everyday. But I'm so uncomfortable. My drain is still in & holding up prep for radiation. I'm glad friends think I look good. But this process has been 9 months long so far. I'm tired.

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  • Prettyblueyes
    Prettyblueyes Member Posts: 28
    edited August 2015

    Hi Sbeddows!

    I swear I just read my own post as I was reading yours.

    So far my Ultrasound, mammagram and MRI are showing a 4.7 cm large mass on my right breast. I also have suspicious nodes in my axillary and a swollen node on my collarbone and 2 very large swollen nodes on my neck that shoot pain up the back of my skull. My right shoulder has been numb now for a couple of months.

    My MRI showed lesions on my liver and so I'm over here freaking out about Mets too. I had my PET scan yesterday and biopsy Monday, my 42nd Birthday. Then we meet the oncologist the 18th for my diagnosis. It's going to be a VERY long weekend.

    Ohhh and I too have kids! A 10 week old, 14, 13&7 year olds.

    I have no BC history though in my family.

    ~Joseanna

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  • lauren32
    lauren32 Member Posts: 46
    edited August 2015

    Hi Joseanna

    was reading through these posts and saw your last one and thought I should offer some hope as I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I was diagnosed at 32 last year with a 2 and 6 year old. They also found lesions on my liver mri but after repeat scans pets etc they have concluded they think they are benign so here's hoping yours are too. I remember those Looong weekends and all the waiting. Trying to find a new normal now and I'm still very shaken but it's a relief to be finished chemo and radiation and you will get there too time drags while u in it and then suddenly u look back at a year and it all just feels surreal. I found it all very challenging on every level as a young mom but there's a lot of support out there that reassures us we are never alone xx

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  • txmom
    txmom Member Posts: 306
    edited August 2015

    Sbeddows, I have a friend who is triple - and his 10 years out.  Super healthy and loving life.

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