A place to talk death and dying issues

LindaE54, It does sound like you had TOO much for one day! I'm glad to hear you gave yourself a break and decided to handle one stressor at a time. I, too, hope you receive the best possible report from your scan. By the way, I had a friend who kept trying to communicate her end of life wishes (funeral and other) to a family member, who just would not tolerate the conversation. So, she put everything in writing, then sent her family member a copy, with an encouraging letter that explained why she wanted what she wanted, how she knew having these kinds of discussions was stressful but that it would give her peace of mind to know her wishes were understood, and suggesting to her family member that it was okay just to acknowledge receipt and ask any questions that might have arisen. It actually opened the door to a real conversation. I think some family members think they are giving up hope if they acknowledge the possibility of death by having such conversations. By the way, do you have an advance directive done, so that your family knows about your end of life wishes for medical care and who you want to be your health care proxy? Wishing you more peace about all that is troubling and stressful.

hi calicocat, I followed you here to see how you were doing. Count me in as part ofyour fan club. Your kind words to me just led me here. hope you are resting better without the chemo and WBR effects are diminishing.

I've been lurking. Calico wishing you peace. It seems like you found it. I hope to be as confident as you are when my time comes.

I've made my final arrangements, including letters to my children but not paid for. I've just left a file folder for my family as they can't handle it either. Obit and pix only thing left.

One question, what are you going to do about your online presence? Can you do anything? Not sure my family needs to find all my heartache and fears.

Hi, zilsnot,maybe ask the mods? Does your family know your screen name?

xoxoooxoxoxo

Calico

I am hoping that if I die, my much loved man will come and find me here. He knows I am here ALOT!!! And that it would help him miss me less at first. Because how I am here, might comfort him. I hope, anyway. I had also taken pictures before the ravages of chemo and surgery, so... we live together for 15 years, and he knows where to find all my important papers and stuff, I have fixed my financials and accounts so he has access to them, and I will give him instructions about how to close me out! officially, in the real world, because I learned a lot by being my friends' caretaker, executor, and everything for her, it was an honor. Even tho i am only stage 3c, with so many nodes I think about this a lot, and I thank each of you, and think of each of you, every day and wish you all the very best. I have learned so much from you.

Blondie! Our stalwart friend and Way Shower! So good to see you again, and sooooooo glad your trip was a success and fulfillment of a long-held dream.

Saw my onc today and he said he'd make the same decision if he were in my shoes. It's a relief to not be pulled this way and that. He's setting up hospice for me, but emphasized he was not stepping out of the picture and would see me through to the end. I could have kissed his feet.

I wish I could conjure up a good woman for my DH. He's 77 and someone will need to help him at some point. He's so worth it.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Calico

Hi Blondie - glad you made that trip!

Calico - how thoughtful of you. I hope my BF finds someone who's right for him when I'm gone. I want him to be happy.

I admire all of you women for being able to be so strong. I have not been able to even remotely accept the idea of my husband getting remarried yet. I am sad that I probably won't see my son get married and have children. I just hope that I can be more positive as time passes, as I am new to this whole Stage IV thing.

Fitztwins- I think the scholarship is a great idea.

Prayers for everyone dealing with all of these tough decisions.

dunesleeper- I do have a 19 year old son, but I absolutely relate to what you are saying. I go to work every day, I come home and I think I should be living it up, but unfortunately, that isn't financially possible right now. I am so sorry you feel this way. I know it is difficult to process. I have to think of it as a new beginning as well. Otherwise, we drive ourselves crazy with the what-ifs. A lady on one of the other threads on here discussed starting a scholarship in her name. That might be something to look into. I thought it seemed like a good idea. I am sure you have made an impact on many people. People don't often feel comfortable expressing what you mean to them, but I am certain you have many people who need and love you.

dunesleeper, you HAVE made a contribution! You don't know the lives you have touched already. We all do. You don't need a lot of friends or children to validate that. I know you mentioned it was a momentary upset, and I do relate. Perhaps you are over this and feeling more positive, but I wanted to respond. And Inoticed you have over 1800 posts on this site. Imagine all the people you have helped and made a difference to. We are all holding hands through this. Sleep well.

Angels. I would like to talk about angels. What do some of you think about angels? Do you think they exist? My girlfriend's father molested her throughout her young life, messing up her early life significantly (although she got it together and is doing very well except for having to deal with alcoholism). When he died, he saw angels in the room. If he can see angels as he is about to pass out of this existence, darn it, I want to see angels. It would be such a comfort to see angels. Don't you think?

I also imagine who I might meet up with. Will I see my bff? She beat me there. Will I see my grandmother and be permitted to apologize for the way I treated her at the end of her days. (I was 15 and a total brat.)

I need something to turn my mind to when I go through my frightened times. I guess I have about a week each month, not necessarily consecutive days, when I become afraid.

Would anyone else like to discuss this?

Dune, I believe in angels! Some are on Earth and some come from Heaven to help cross us over. As a nurse, I have seen many people take their last breath. They will often call out and speak to their mother, father, or someone who has passed before them. They mention seeing loved ones up in the corner of the room. One patient said "wow!" Just before passing and one said " oh my God it's so beautiful ". So I believe

Dune - I believe in angels. I talk to them whenever I need to, and many times I felt that they "responded". And I believe there is something else when we leave our body. My father who absolutely did not believe in something after death, said his mother was there helping him in his last days. That's my personal belief for what it's worth of course.

Divine - I agree with you, simple pleasures, kind and forgiving.

I had a recent experience (two weeks ago) with my 95 year old mother who died in my home after living with me for 8 years. Her last few days she was pretty unresponsive. I went in to check on her one time a day or two before she died, and she opened her eyes - said "George!" and she had the most beautiful smile on her face. George was my dad who died 8 years ago - and it was if she was both totally surprise and utterly delighted to be with him again.

I've been wondering about you too, calicocat.