my sister refuses treatment

sisterlove2 · July 2015

Hi all, I had bilateral breast cancer in 2003 and did a year of surgeries,chemo and rads, with 5 years of arimedex..cancer free since then. These boards were so helpful during that time. I find myself now in a situation with my sister, who had a needle biopsy of her right breast. I read the path report. 2 tumors low grade er/pr positive and her2nu 2+ (which would mean she would need next test) I was alsow her2nu positive in 1 breast.... The tumors are 1cm and 2cm... Anyways she is refusing all treatment and we as a family are trying to get her to at least have surgery to remove the lumps... We are all having a hard time accepting that this is what she wants, knowing that it is her choice really. I am sad, mad and scared and don't know how to help her. Perhaps it is the wrong thread to post this, but any incite into how we could convince her would be helpful. We have told her we will support her decision to not treat after surgery, if anything comes up. but at this point all signs are early stage and it just seems foolish. She is 60 and thinks it will all be fine till her time to go....and hates drs and hates what they do ect.......

dlb823 · July 2015

I'm so sorry about your sister's dx. I think sometimes the issue with not wanting tx can be a misconception about what it actually involves -- for example, fearing doctors will "cut off your breasts," when a lumpectomy might be just as do-able. Or if a mastectomy, if necessary, explaining that it's removing diseased breast tissue -- not cutting off anything. Same for chemo. So many people think of someone they knew who went through horrible chemo txs years ago, before there were meds to combat nausea, etc., and maybe a much harsher chemo that was done for a different type of cancer entirely. Or if something like losing her hair is a secret fear, she needs to know there are cold caps available now. Can you at least encourage her to see a top notch medical team (preferably at an NCI-designated cancer center) who can assure her that her bc is treatable and will also paint a realistic picture of what they recommend, so that she truly understands what it is she thinks she wants to reject?

Hopefully, you can get her past what is probably still some shock and denial. Unless she has pre-existing health issues, 60 today is considered young in terms of being able to fight early stage bc, including breast reconstruction, if wanted.

Assuming you're in the US, here's a list of NCI cancer centers: http://www.cancer.gov/research/nci-role/cancer-cen...

Good luck to you both! She's fortunate to have you helping her, and maybe just a bit more time to digest her situation and options will soften her current stance on no tx. ((Hugs))) Deanna

merridee · July 2015

Hi, I am 58 years old...and before my breast cancer diagnosis....cancer and I were buddies, no worries! I did not want to be part of the breast cancer community, however I did do surgery (double lumpectomy with bilateral reduction) and except for a few fuzzy pain-free days post surgery I have been doing well. From my perspective, the worry and apprehension before the surgery decision was worse than the surgery. I understand your sister's initial decision and I encourage her to reconsider. Best wishes to you, your sister and your family.

ShetlandPony · July 2015

I wonder if your sister would talk to an oncocology social worker or psychologist at your hospital or elsewhere, in the spirit of making an informed choice and maybe as a favor to her family. They have a lot to offer because of their experience, and they would respect her right to make her choices. I remember how a psych intern really helped me deal with fear of surgery.

my sister refuses treatment

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