Bi lateral mastectomy hopefully in September

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Simplicity
Simplicity Member Posts: 747
edited August 2015 in Singles With Breast Cancer
Bi lateral mastectomy hopefully in September
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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited July 2015

    Morning everyone!

    Hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected!

    I was diagnosed 3/31/15 with IDC Stage III. My last chemo will be on July 28th. WooHoo!!!! Taxol has NOT been very nice to me :/

    I'll meet with my surgeon once chemo is done. I didn't know what questions to ask when the mastectomy first came up. Think I'm a bit more equipped now.

    She said the right breast had to go and I requested the left breast go as well. So scared for surgery. Funny thing is I don't think it's really the surgery itself that scares me but the unknown of how I'll handle it.

    I'm a single mom to 3. Thankfully, my kids are a bit older so not as difficult I don't think other than their ability to understand things better and know when I am hurting. They have done really well through chemo. My youngest son, 14, loves to accommodate me when I'm hurting :)

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited July 2015

    hi Simplicity- Wow... Hard to imagine s more personal decision. I elected for the prophylactic non cancer side. They found a lot of pre cancerous stuff in the "healthy" breast so I felt quite vindicated that I'd done the right thing. And I haven't missed them at all, the traitors. They tried to kill me!

    I have had back and neck problems and worried about the asymmetry and weight difference (even with a prosthesis) causing more back problems. And I didn't want to continue screenings every 6 months, knowing that with my history now they would biopsy every single suspiciousthing.

    Also, I am 58 and divorced, so the saving of one breast, though it would have been nice to have in case of possible future sexual encounters, just didn't trump the security I personally felt from just taking it.

    I also just couldn't bear the idea of additional surgeries for reconstruction. It didn't seem worth it for something that had no feeling in it.

    But as I said, everybody is different. You must search your soul. I wish you all the best in making this very hard decision.

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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited July 2015

    Hate to hear your having problems JB :(

    I'm still not set on reconstruction. Seems there are so many risks. Either way, I'll be joining the itty bitty titty committee for at least 6 months (delayed reconstruction). lol Im ok with it.

    At 41, I feel like I'm still young. Flipside is, I'm still young. So...

    No SO here to contend with but I do worry how it will effect me should I ever meet someone. Even now, the thought of intimacy, with the exception of one long time friend, makes me cringe haha

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited July 2015

    Simplicity- you ARE very young. So not fair. It may help you bounce back faster though.

    And any man worth having a real relationship will not be bothered one bit by all of this. He will love the beautiful person you are, inside AND out.

    It will actually protect you from assholes

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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited July 2015

    Great point!

    I feel safe admitting it here, and so relieved I can tell someone else. I have very strong feelings for this one friend. We've talked almost everyday for the past 2 yrs. we met on a single parents support site & I've visited him in his home state a couple times.

    He's coming here to visit me for the first time in Aug. I wanted to see him before the next chapter begins & he doesn't want me driving for that long to visit him :) He hates driving too.

    My little hopeful romance story lol

    He knows how I feel. But he's got 9yrs on me & see's that, as well as the distance (6hrs) as a problem. He also has his own stuff going on that has life kinda crazy for him right now. He also says his feelings aren't as advanced as mine thou he has thought about it. He'd want to 'go all in' also, and that has him a bit scared I think? Idk.

    He's the only one I would consider right now. He accepts me for me.

    I'm a bit of a dreamer lol

    Whew that felt good to get out!!!!

    Between him & my last bf, I just don't trust me anymore. Seems I'm misreading what I thought or see as, mutual respect, common goals & desires.

    Humaning is hard sometimes huh?

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited July 2015

    yes...well said.. Humaning is very hard. I'm glad you felt comfortable letting that out. Little dreams make life more bearable, especially when times are tough. Be aware that you are most certainly very vulnerable right now, and you must make YOU your first priority. You don't need heartbreak on top of cancer. As much as an escape into a love affair and running in the opposite direction of cancer is tempting, it's not going away. You will need all of your strength to get through. Your friend sounds nice and it's wonderful to be accepted for who we are. Just make sure your self-protective radar is FULLY FUNCTIONG.

    Just a little advice from someone who has been there.

    A gentle hug coming your way.

    Btw, there is a nice thread on single life after mastectomy. Nice girls of all ages on it. You might do a search and lurk around a bit.

    Have a wonderful day

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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited July 2015

    Exactly :)

    I had told him a year ago to somewhat the same degree. So, before diagnosis. With him visiting, I thought it import to remind him? Thou I do feel a bit selfish for not carrying the burden of my own emotions myself. Make sense?

    I'm definitely vulnerable right now. Eyes are wide open thou. Fairly certain anyway lol

    Thanks for listening! I really appreciate it. I'm a private, guarded person typically. Thou this has really brought me out of my shell. So it's nice to be able to discuss that on top of & considering where I'm at in my life right now. It does get lonely doing it alone. I've been a single mom for 12 yrs. I'm so picky & understandably so lol Talking about these kind of emotions is somewhat foreign to me.

    You enjoy your day as well! It's a beautiful one here even if my right leg & hip are hurting today for some flippin reason. I see a nap in my near future lol

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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited August 2015

    Still trying to decide what surgery to have; uni or bi. I have until Tuesday to decide. Surgery is Sept 4th. This decision is really f*&#$ng with my head.

    Surgeon says I can always go back and have the other one removed. Not to make such a big decision if I am unsure. WTH? I still have to make a decision. Both are big decisions, IMO. And if I try to go back and get it done, who knows where my life will be down the road. What may come up. If insurance will cover a delayed mastectomy. Not to mention, no decision guarantee's squat down the road.

    But, only being 41, I want to get as natural of a look as I can after reconstruction, ya know? I don't feel like much of my self esteem/confidence is based around my breasts but I have never had them removed either, or lopsided. So I can't say that for sure. Ugh. this is hard. This sucks

    Meeting with the PS Tuesday to hopefully gather some answers. They didn't advise or tell me about photos they had available there to look at. Wish they had. You just don't know going into this what questions to ask or how to ask them properly.

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  • BDawk
    BDawk Member Posts: 12
    edited August 2015

    I am a single mom/to a 16 year old daughter with autism. I got my Dx in July and opted for the bilateral on 8/12. I just did not want to have to deal with any what ifs and decided to be aggressive. The doc just called me yesterday to say they found a 2mm spot in the "unaffected" breast that could have been invasive. Get all the info you can then make the decision that is right for you.

    Wishing you well!!

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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited August 2015

    Wow. Thanks for sharing. I've heard of that happening. Best wishes to you as well!

    Single mom here too; 2 teens, one 21yr old. Hard decision

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  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Member Posts: 747
    edited August 2015

    The more quiet my mind became this weekend, the more I think Bi lateral is my decision. Not settled just yet, but....
    I was already decided and emotionally ok with this decision from the get go up until the Dr made her recommendation of Uni.
    It'll be more difficult; longer surgery and recovery time. Higher risk of complications.
    I think in the bigger picture, for the long haul, this is the best decision for me.
    I don't know that it's the right decision. I don't know that either option is the right decision. Not sure how much more reading I can do....I just know that once I firmly decide, I need to be ok with that decision and know that I made the best decision I could with what information I had/have at the time.
    It's my body, and I am fairly young. I do want or would like to return to as 'normal' of a state, physically, that I can.
    FRB (fucking rat bastard=C) will always be a fear, no matter which way I go. No decision I make guarantees anything.
    My biggest thing is, out of all the pro's and con's of either, seems the one reason to hold onto my left breast, the one my brain keeps going back to anyway is hoping that if I left the healthy breast alone, that any recurrence would be a local recurrence and that can't be guaranteed.
    My thoughts are with any woman that ever has to or already has made whichever decision was right for her while fighting breast cancer.
    The struggle is real.

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