INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
Comments
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marla. - I agree with Jazzy. Getting some sun and fresh air does wonderful things for our bodies, mind and soul. I also understand sometimes getting outside and back in is a major task. Small steps. Little at a time. No need to exhaust yourself.
Hootie hoo
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yooohooo queencat---okay yay you posted three times? welcome ...keep postin
bbl or in morning........................
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Thanks SAS I somehow missed queencat. Sorry queencat. Welcome. Feel free to posy often. Always someone on here who gets it
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(waves hello officially to sas-schatzi and pattypeppermint and everybody on this board) Genuinely grateful for having found this board and all the others here. Unspoken fears are the worst and I'm glad to have found a place where i can ask all the 'silly' questions, express all the 'negligible' worries that occur to me after hours or which my (generally male) oncologists haven't the time for.
I've already had one nightmare incorporating a few general anxiety tropes (checking into a hotel which should be familair to me), body image, discussing treatment of my lady parts with my beloved daddy (77 years old) who is himself undergoing cancer treatment more advanced than mine and some general tropes. Why can't my subconscious discuss matters with me when i'm awake?
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Sas will answer but tomorrow other thsn everything n rve3body is finevn 3xcited, they r going to ft myers beach tomorrow to fish. Been to wwmart ublix, dq, get gas.
Hi everbody (WAVING TO EVERYONE)
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Hi Blondie!!! Aren't the sunsets in Florida gorgeous! So many colors and clouds, just lovely. I hope you are resting and enjoying yourself. Try Publix' foccia (pizza thingy) they make this one with tomatoe and cheese and slivers of onion and garlic that is just delicious and only 5$. Makes a great meal with iced coffee. They are really tasty.
Hugs to ya'll. Welcome newbies!
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Hey rosie, sorry to swy hav3n4 seen any, lol
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Blondie- you haven't seen the sunsets or the fancy foccia bread/pizza thing at Publix? You must see/try both!
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Imagine you are walking toward the ocean.... walking through a beautiful, tropical forest....
You can hear the waves up ahead.... you can smell the ocean spray.... the air is moist and warm.... feel a pleasant, cool breeze blowing through the trees....
You walk along a path....coming closer to the sea....as you come to the edge of the trees, you see the brilliant aqua color of the ocean ahead....
You walk out of the forest and onto a long stretch of white sand.... the sand is very soft powder.... imagine taking off your shoes, and walking through the hot, white sand toward the water....
The beach is wide and long....
Hear the waves crashing to the shore....
Smell the clean salt water and beach....
You gaze again toward the water.... it is a bright blue-green....
See the waves washing up onto the sand..... and receding back toward the ocean.... washing up.... and flowing back down..... enjoy the ever-repeating rhythm of the waves...
Imagine yourself walking toward the water.... over the fine, hot sand.... you are feeling very hot....
As you approach the water, you can feel the mist from the ocean on your skin. You walk closer to the waves, and feel the sand becoming wet and firm....
A wave washes over the sand toward you.... and touches your toes before receding...
As you step forward, more waves wash over your feet... feel the cool water provide relief from the heat....
Walk further into the clear, clean water.... you can see the white sand under the water.... the water is a pleasant, relaxing temperature.... providing relief from the hot sun... cool but not cold....
You walk further into the water if you wish.... swim if you want to.... enjoy the ocean for a few minutes..... allow the visualization relaxation to deepen.... more and more relaxed... enjoy the ocean....
(Taken from Inner Health Studio)
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ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz...............
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Oh for DOGS sakes Loverly! I had my own vision going there, reading what you said, and I got to the part where you said take off your clothes, and 3 hot looking studly men will come carry you the rest of the way into the cool, water, above their heads, with the salt smell, and then when deep enough, throw your ragged butt into the deep.
I was sooooo ready for a romantic get-a-way!
Did you see THAT Queensomething? You will SURELY think we are all DAFF!
And Sass fell off her chair and went to sleep! Haaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
Marla, yes! Aloe Vera will fix you right up!
Those 2 girls came over last night! Man, they would drive me crazy if they were here together all the time! Have to sit in their same SPOT at the table.... One can't scrape the fork on their teeth, or smack their lips, and the other "swishes" their fork on their plate, playing with their food! And they feel the NEED to TELL each other their faults with their table manners! I just sit there LOOKING at them!
I couldn't get them out of the house FAST enough! They would sap all my energy... Their Dad just looks at them in dis-belief.... probably thinking WHERE did I go wrong????
But they are sooooooo fun! Hard to keep up with them... Man, I slept ALL night! But I need the rest... The big one is coming over this morning... probably to see what she can talk us into!...
Then tomorrow the younger one is off, and we are going up to Echo Lake...
Spookie! She rented a new Chevy Cruz! Hah! Like Mother like Daughter.
Sass you were talking about all this stuff about venues, and whatever! Sheri showed us pictures of the gorgeous wedding and reception and dinner and views, and it MUST have cost a BUNDLE!
We never even KNEW about "bachelor" stuff... or honey-moons away from our house! We had to wait for him to get his Driver's license back, so we could drive up to the mountains, and stay in this little cabin!
No beaches, or trips or cruises for US guys... In fact we stopped and bought stuff to make corned-beef and cabbage for dinner that night! And we walked in and I accidentally broke the handle off the refrigerator door! Sat right there in my hand!
But that didn't slow US down none! We had a blast! 2 20 year olds, up in those hidden mountains, all alone, and happy as 2 Raccoons finding a water bowl!
And what's this about someone said I should say "If you can't be my friend, get the #$@k off the road? HaaaaaaaaaH! The goats! The goats were in my way! Or get out of my way? WhatEVER.... it was funny!
Loverly, under the bed? Haaaaaaaaaah! It was Billy Bodandistal, and Jackie Skeen... my Brother's 2 friends...We must have been like 12 or something...
Ah geez... Sass regressing and talking about making out, or up, or whatever....
So did I tell you about this BOY? We must have been maybe 15... just in High School... I was such a Dud... Well my Brother's "handsome" friend asked me to go out to get a coke... in his CAR!!! He must have been 16... so he was much "older"...
So we were parked, which probably was the INITIAL plan anyway... And it was dark, and he put his bony little arm around me, and said lay your head back, and he whispered.... "close your eyes"..... and then "count to 10"... Well he kissed me at some point... ON MY MOUTH! And stars fell and the earth shook violently, and when I recovered, I was still ALIVE! Only my heart fell out of my body!!!
That's all I remember of that night! And I was surely in LOVE!!!! Until my Brother told me the next night, that "HE went back to his girl-friend"... Well my world ended. I walked up to my girl-friends house, crying all the way! My life was surely over... at that point.
Okay, now spin ahead about 50 years... On class-mates.com I see this "note" from HIM... that he left about 2 years ago... "Do you remember... count to 10"..... That's IT? That little B-tard! Of COURSE I remembered! So I looked at him on FB... NOT the same.... Hah! Of all the NERVE! He thinks he can go willy-nilly through life, and kiss stupid little girls, and then pop-up like some knight in shining armor? He should take a look at himself FIRST! HAH! So then he asked to be my "friend"... And I did, and I am.... But I'm a tad smarter than I was at 15!
And I thank GOD that I am with the one I was meant to be with.
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Good morning friends- wishing everybody a good start to the week.
Blondie- sounds like you are getting out to do a few things! I know your love going to Walmart! I hope everyone there is taking good care of you. I can tell you are happy to be in Florida! Keep it going girlfriend!
Queen- everything is so confusing and frightening when you get diagnosed and are in the beginning of treatment. There is so much we don't understand or know, yet we have people around us who need to understand what is happening,and thus, are filled with questions and their own fears. Talking to an elderly parent about this would be especially hard, but if he is going through any kind of cancer treatment, he can probably understand the process better than most others. But I am sure he is scared too, for you and perhaps himself too.
And when we feel overwhelmed with everything during the day, our subconscious has to do the work at night to help us otherwise. So you are not alone in this experience. Just try to keep things simple and talk to the folks you need to with simple responses.
I hope you are healing well from your recent surgery so you can be ready for radiation treatment next.
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Chevyboy: yes, but it's MY kind of crazy! (now imagining the totally hot guys carrying me out into the surf. Helps that I'm in the middle of editing a decidedly racy (but HEA) romance for a repeat client)
Jazzy: I'm sure he's scared for himself (stage iv melanoma, on immunotherapy) as well as for me. I'm sure I'll be able to discuss both his cancer and mine with Dad in a way that's reassuring to both of us. Just as long as I don't have to do it in a dripping-wet bathing suit, like I did in the dream--I'd been discussing body image problems with my stepmother that day. (My second lumpectomy wasn't nearly as appearance-sparing as the first: there's a visible difference in outline when not wearing a bra.)
Overwhelming? Isn't it just, now? Does the overwhelmingness vary by diagnosis? I imagine it does--glad I have a husband and insurance coverage.
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Puppies and beaches. Two of the best things ever. My hands are still itchy and a bit swollen but I "think" they are getting better. Was very tired this weekend so could not have done much with my hands anyway.
Hubby took me to lunch and in all honesty I would have just rathered went to sleep but it made him feel good . Actually, it was probably a good thing I went out of the house because I do not want to be a lay-a-bout. Yesterday was my worst day for this round and hopefully today starts my upswing in energy and a downswing in itchy.
I hope all you ladies had a great weekend.
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Queen- I am sorry to hear about your dad's dx. Your family has much to deal with right now. Seems to be the case so often when we get diagnosed. My sister was diagnosed with bc two months before me, and just a few months after our mother passed; 2012 was the for sure year from hell for us.
I was overwhelmed in the beginning, and then I got on board with the whole process, I was better. I am a person that needs to know what happens next, a planner by nature. So once I got through the dx, got the plan, I had something to focus on/get on board with, I was a bit better. I also had some other much bigger surgery the month before my lumpectomy too, a whole convoluted story for another time. And I understand body image too. After November of 2012, I had five incisions on my body between the two surgeries. Our body image takes a big hit with this stuff.
And just to clarify, I felt overwhelmed during dx and through most of the treatment, but told myself that was okay too. Each step of treatment was a hurdle to get through physically and emotionally. Can I do this? And yes, I could and did do it, and so can you. Know what you need to do, park everything else that you can for later. Good to be grateful for a good spouse and insurance too!
My reference to the longer term is what those of us who are a few or many years out know, and that you don't have to worry about. The conversations you have with people for the longer term after treatment and as you go through recovery and follow ups. We can share more of that when the time comes, but right now, you need to focus on your next step in the treatment process. Being present with this stuff is the way to get through it.
Let us know how else we can help? I share based on my own experience, other ladies here may have some other insights to share. We all have our own unique experience with this.
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Qeenie..... Just don't worry about "nothin".... But if you DO, write down those thoughts, in a note-book, or those yellow things, and take that with you to the team of Doc's.... If you go with your Dad also, write down HIS questions, and what he is worried about...... Then write down all the answers.... ! It will help with future reference, because your mind will draw blanks during a lot of this.........
When my Husband went with me, I tried to sound up-beat, because when I would look at him, I could see panic on his face.... So I would just take it all lightly, and say "Okay, what's next?" Then when we went for radiation, we would go upstairs in the hospital after, and have breakfast or lunch, or go shopping.... anything fun!
Okay, now what is HEA??? Are you a writer? Like as in 50 Shades? No, don't edit anything.... just let the thoughts flow, like I usually do.... Make something out of a "thought" or a "dream".... like I do..... Doesn't have to be true, just has to sound fun. Except SOMEtimes the "real" thing is better than any made up stuff.... But you have to always keep your own "secrets".... something to smile about ...... Not that I know what that is............
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Well, my trip to the BS got postponed from later today until next week as she has an emergency, but that is okay too. I have to go to a memorial service this afternoon for a friend's daughter who passed quite unexpectedly. I think that will be more than enough hard for the afternoon, right? Now I can go to the gathering after if they have one.
Now on a much cuter note, on the morning show today, this baby gets to see her parents for the first time so clearly with a new pair of glasses. I just love the look of joy on her face.
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Afternoon Owlies
Queen-- Jazzy and Chevy covered it from one end of the spectrum to the other. Seredipity that I found this link from one of Chevy's link. Find the Rain(JOY).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCRqNsRflHM
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Jazzygirl: too bad your appointment got postponed, but I guess feel glad you're not the emergency? The memorial services is quite enough!
Chevy: HEA=happily ever after. And yes, the books are similar to Fifty Shades of Grey except a) science fiction and b) with considerably more supportive relations. But in regards cancer care, t3aking note of not only my questions but my father's as well is a good idea! He's in Seattle, I'm in Michigan, or I'd just bring him with me, to demystify what I'm going through.
But thank you both (and everyone else on the boards, even the ones who aren't answering my questions directly) for the support--you're right that a lot of my stress is coming from "What happens next? How will I feel (physically) after surgery, radiation, tamoxifen?" At this point, I'm not even sure what does come next! It depends on whether my surgeon got clean margins on the second surgery: yes--radiation, no--mastectomy. Visit upcoming this afternoon with the psychologist associated with the local cancer center; hopefully she'll be able to help deal with the stress-related issues, like appetite loss, wrecked sleep and "gerbils on the brain".
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Queen- I am glad to hear you are going to seek some support through the local cancer center. All the things you shared above are definitely things we have all thought going through it. We are all different here with respect to our dx, particular treatments, other complicating health issues, etc. So each one of us gets through this differently and recovers differently too. This is a wonderful community to ask questions and receive support. Those of us a few years down the pike try to help the newbees. Just like there were sisters here to help us. Thank god for BCO!
Do join the rads thread here if there is one. They can give you a lot of helpful hints going through that part of treatment.
And yes, I am glad I am not the emergency. I had my mammo and ultrasound on Friday, which the rad doc said looked good, so the visit to the BS is more to check on healing, any signs of lymphedema, talk about other questions, etc. It is the easier of the two apts I go through with the follow up process. So next Tuesday will be fine to see her. I am not worried.
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queensmom. - body images issues is something most of us have or are dealing with. My first diagnosis was 13 years ago. I was 31. I had almost decided keep the boobies and die with them. I was married but no children at the time. Dh finally talked me into the bilasteral bmx - although he said he would support whatever I did. He's told me many times since to think of them as battle scars. That without the scars I would prob. be dead. I did choose reconstruction surgery but never went back for nipples. Just so tired of procedures. Dh has always been aroused by me with or without boobs and with or without nipples. I figured as long as he is still sexually aroused by my body after 24 years , I should be happy with it to. I no longer avoid the mirrors when I am naked and don't have to shut the lights off to get naked. Hopes this is not tmi.
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Blondie- waving back. So happy you are living life to the fullest. You go girl ! Are you going to the beach today soon or taking some alone time to rest up ?
SAS. - wake up ! still rereading. I forgot to say that with my RX ins I only pay $2 and some change for 30day supply of synthroid. The generic would be $1 and some change. Was there another reason to switch besides price ? Guess I'll need to reread that again.
Loverly - awesome pics of the beach and blue water. That's on my bucket list. My boys have never been to the ocean. I love the ocean and blue water and sand. So relaxing. Makes my problems seem so tiny. Nice visualization relaxation technique. It worked. Gonna read it to Dh tonight before we go to bed.
Chevy. - what's Daff? Did i miss something. Glad you are enjoying having both dds there. Good to know Sibling rivalry continues thru adulthood. Bummer. Thought mydss would outgrow it. Hope y'all have fun at echo lake and of course take pics. We want to see your itty bitty yellow bakini.
Jazzy - sorry to hear of the unexpected death of the dd of your friend. I'll be praying for their family. Its just not the normal process. Parents shouldnt have to bury their kids
Frenchfrey - glad your Dh got you out for lunch. I know its exhausting sometimes just getting ready and getting there and back. I always feel better when I get out of the house and remember life is going on with or without me.
I've already gotten my am swim in. Swam about 30 minutes. Great exercise without over doing it. Its going to be another day of heat index over 100. Boo. Either staying inside in the ac or in the pool are our only choices today. Ds2 came back home from sleepover and him and neighbors kids are swimming. Ds1 still st his sleepover. They will bring him home later today so I don't have to drive. I still got some sinus junk going on but nothing bad enough to complain about. Well I better get some laundry started. So much for getting an early start to beat the heat. Bbl
Hugs all around
Hootie hoo
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PattyPeppermint: no, it's not TMI at all! but rather deeply comforting to me: others have gotten used to this! Not to mention the NOT going back for a nipple; I wasn't sure I wanted to since it wouldn't feel or react like a nipple, no matter how good the surgeon. (Only one's gonna pop up like a turkey timer when I jump into cold water!) One of the "gerbils on the brain" was "If I'm taking a partial mastectomy this hard, how will I react if I need a complete one?" so it's nice to hear from women who've come out the other side. Though having a husband/partner who loves you with or without breasts is a huge help!
Jazzygirl: Deeply grateful for the boards here, and the knowledge that I can just ASK people who are ahead of me in the process. I've started following one of the rads threads here; I may look into others, if only to find out what to expect afterward, in addition to during, the treatment. Now off to the psychologist!
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Oh Patty you will have so much fun at the ocean when you decide to take that trip. Warn your boys about sand in their shorts.
Jazzy, I am sorry to see that your friend has lost a daughter suddenly. That is not a club anyone wants to join. Sorry for the loss.
Anyone ever notice how long the day is when you are itching?????????????????
I am going to put some music on and walk er hum dance and see if that helps./
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Patty, Alright already I'm awake!. Nope, cost was the primary issue on Synthroid. You're good to go on that one. You sure are getting to be a chattypatty. Now I can beat it into the ground if not your head. All the chit these many month's was thyroid. The doc may not say that. I cancuz I had a 150 TSH too. Never again. I thought I was going to die. They said if I ever had to have RAI 131 again, I would. But it can be chemically induced. They didn't tell me that the first time. Shame on them. I trusted. OH yeah, that was my mistake........Back to you. Think how you are at this moment. Swimming for 30 minutes AND you are a 9.8. GOOD DOG what will we do with you if you get in normal range.
But please, the backstory now. History on thyroid. First dx & amount of drug? Was it an incidental finding on yearly labs or b/c of symptoms? Sequence of increases on meds? How long on 100 mcg? How long since last TSH? Did they ever say you were being tested for Hashi's? Are you going to an Endocrinologist? How often do you see them?
Queen, Wouldn't of thought of this, but Patty's post reminded me of it. I did get the nipples, but in a do over would seriously consider not doing it. In Florida, one of the very uncomfortable things for any woman is wearing a bra. Heat and high humidity. In the period before the nips were done I went braless. It was great. After the nips were done. I have to be careful what I'm wearing b/c the outline of the nips shows through clothes. Particularly, cotton knit fabric. Not appealing. Bummer. Depending on what I wear, determines if I have to wear a bra. Odd the different things that are important to each of us. Glad, you are delving into more threads. I'll send you a PM with a bunch of threads I put together for newbies. They each have a purpose. Some are resource info type, others like here. The resource threads are good for getting organized. Forget where you are on chemo in your plan? If chemo hasn't started, talk with your doc about vaccines. Pneumovax and Prevnar. shingles, and flu. Even measles if your titer is low.
Rosie, thinking of you and Flower.
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Steve's coming home tonight. Making crock pot chili. Oh, must get on the chocolate cake. Was going to make more biscuits--maybe. Yesterdays chicken and dumpling's were great. We ate up all the biscuit's before morning.
Any suggestions on how to make light and fluffy biscuits. I have decided to try and become proficient at them. Such a nice comfort food. The store bought one's have to many foreign things in them. I'm actually having fun with the flour all over the place.
Cake up next
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What did I miss. Patty you coming to the OCEAN? You have a place to stay. I have room for all of you. Rent free!. Honestly, though if you want to pick up and come down, pack the car and head out. Oceans a short 20 minute ride away, and they're is a pool out back. 30 minutes from the Space Center. Disney is 60 minutes to the parking lot. Not having to spend money on hotel rooms can make a trip allot more doable. Spur of the moment trips can be so much fun.
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