Embracing the Bald

I got brave enough about 2 months ago to ditch the wig but for the last 4-5 weeks since chemo ended my hair piece (aka..Ronald) has been seeing less and less use.  I am now embrassing the bald but with a cap and my 5 o'clock shadow.  I do get some looks and some double takes but I just make sure if I notice the person I look at them and smile and normally they return the smile. 

I wonder how many of you ladies find yourself rubbing your head just because you like the feel of smooth, soft skin.  For months, when at home relaxing, I would leisurely rub my head.  Now my hair is slowly growing back and I actually miss rubbing my baldhead!

I must admit that the re-growth phase makes me uncomfortable, but I, like Jaimieh, just return the look with a friendly smile.  I worried about the unattractiveness of sparse dark hair growing randomly on my baldhead, but I never imagined the new school term would present me with horrified looks from the children; after all, they saw me go bald.

These past two weeks have been a real challenge for me when walking about the campus.  The stares from the children make me want to dive into a row of shrubs, but I straighten up, shoulders back, head held high, and give the children a hearty greeting.  All the while, I am imagining that I have a head of lovely, short, dark curls.  You know, a real "fake it till you make it--er, grow it" moment!  In fact, I have imagined my lovely, short, dark curls so often that I am often surprised not to see them when I look into the mirror!  

I may always question certain aspects of my breast cancer experience, but deciding to embrace being bald is NOT one of them.  At age 51, I had gorgeous, long brown hair.  I was heartbroken that I would lose my hair, but I took matters into my own hands: I cut my hair short, shorter, shaved it, and then used a lint roller to remove the stubble.  I tried to wear hats, scarves, and a wig, but I didn't feel comfortable.  In the end, I wore a head covering when my head was cold or I was out in the sun.  I wasn't trying to make a statement; I simply allowed myself the gift of being true to myself--it is a gift I will always cherish. 

Cheers!

Cloud

WooHoo! At some point, I cut my boys & hubby's hair so that mine would finally be the longest hair in the house! Looking great cloud, just in time for Christmas How do the kids at school like the new hair?

Cloud, that's great with the kids, sounds like a sweet bunch. We're having a great Christmas time this year. So different from last year, I lost my hair 4 days before Christmas last year! What a ride! I still haven't build the guts to have my first hair cut, I'm holding on every hair I have. About 3 inches by now but still so short. I'm sure a stylist could make it look better for me but it implies cutting! LOL!

I did keep my head shaved until it was real hair growing. The fuzz was driving me nuts and I was much happier bald than with a funky fuzzy head. The biggest mistake I made was letting my MIL talk me into dying my hair. On my last day of radiation, she took me to the hair salon to get it dyed and I picked a HORRIBLE color, the hair dresser didn't even try to talk me out of it and I got out of there miserable on one the most wonderful day of my life. We went to the Relay for life that very same night and I refused to take the baseball cap off my head! LOL! I was more self-conscious with this bad dye job then my before very short gray hair!

Paulding Mom - I am of absolutely no help.  I went for my second cut/trim at SuperCuts just after Christmas and I am now sporting an incredibly BAD haircut. Today one of my third graders couldn't stop giggling.  I told her I got a haircut and she asked, "but why does it look so fuzzy?"  I told her I had the same question!

I also want to know why my eyelashes fell out again.

Oh the mysteries of life. . .

Good luck!

Cloud

Thanks for the explanation Gayle.  It is always so much better when I understand what is "normal." 

Oh, but wait a minute, if my eyelashes have an all or nothing cycle of falling out, what is to happen with my hair?  Recently I have been looking for hairs on my pillow and comb and I never find any.  Oh please say it isn't so with the hair on my head too!

Cheers!

Cloud

Oh my, what fun I had re-reading this thread. I truly loved my bald head! And, I truly loved sharing my experience of "Embracing the Bald" with such wonderful and supportive women. The experience was a gift we gave and shared with each other.

I am now 6 years post-chemotherapy and I have chosen to keep my hair short. I love the freedom of short hair. If I find myself using a comb, then my hair is too long! However, if those adorable curls I am sporting in my avatar had remained, I would have opted for short curls. It may have been the Herceptin, but my hair remained thin until this year--so four years post-Herceptin my hair was thin. My hairdresser is amazed at the growth this year!

For those of you lovely ladies wondering about "Embracing the Bald," do not shy away from it if your reasoning is for the goodwill of others. If going without head coverings is true for you, I promise you will find both the courage and joy to experience this part of your cancer journey on your own terms.

Cheers to Us All!

Cloud