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wintersocks
wintersocks Member Posts: 922
edited July 2015 in Life After Breast Cancer

Hello to All,

Today is a bad day. I was at the hospital yesterday, having a small lump removed on the recon. No one is concerned,and I am not either, although I will be relieved to get the biopsy back.

On Thursday, I saw my breast surgeon for my last 6 month check and I will be moving to yearly check ups from now on. That has upset me a lot.

I should some how feel ok that all the above is ok? I mean no concerns here at all.

But I don't. I just want to stay in bed under the duvet.

I mean I just want to cry.

Why can't I just feel good and get on?

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  • MelissaDallas
    MelissaDallas Member Posts: 7,268
    edited May 2015

    I felt the same way, more for being cut loose from my nurse navigators than my doctors. When I went to that first six month stretch it felt like forever and I was surprised how "orphaned" I felt. It gets better & you develop more security & confidence as time goes on

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  • grammakathy
    grammakathy Member Posts: 407
    edited May 2015

    Each step is difficult to adjust to.  I was diagnosed in September 2013 and now will see my BS and MO only once a year each.  Another way that I look at it is positive.  I don't have to give BC as much of my focus and time.  I feel I have spent too much energy on this and it is time to move on.  Of course, I still do self checks in the shower!  So it is always there a little bit.  And there are times when I am just "down".  Have you thought about asking for an anti-depressant for a short while?  It might help.

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited July 2015


    Hello,

    I am not even sure that I am in the right place but after trolling all the boards this seems somewhat appropriate if a little inactive...Before I start please understand, I don't want to sound flip or 'pollyanna' but I am just sort of confused and bewildered....

    I was diagnosed May 22,2015 - I had a BMX on June 10th and last week the oncologist gave me Tamoxifen and said " no need to see you for 3 months - look after yourself, call if you have any changes, questions or symptoms." Ok..... I had a lovely July 4th weekend and then Sunday, I get these strange thoughts:

    It is sort of weird to go from more medical appointments than the rest of my life combined along with, make this decision, read this, test for this, etc.for the last 5/6 weeks to nothing - I have my last fill up with the plastic surgeon Thursday and then even my expanders sit until the end of October. I understand that I will have a life time of vigilance and possible fears, that is my new normal.  I really don't mean to sound contrite and of course, I am happy (and feel so lucky) that I did not need chemo or radition but I still feel like something is, oh I don't know, I guess I sort of feel guilty in a strange. I know I am not 'done' but it feels like I can begin to move on even though I only just arrived? I've always ate super healthy and organic, I excercised daily, I take vitamin D, don't smoke, so none of my Dr's recommended any changes to life style, so I don't have something to try to control as such. I spoke to my Nurse Nav. and she told me to be happy, which as I said, I am. It just seems so very quick.  Has anyone else felt like this?

     

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  • grammakathy
    grammakathy Member Posts: 407
    edited July 2015

    Definitely. The focus is on the BC as soon as it is diagnosed and then we are set adrift. And we were hit with this diagnosis after a lifetime of not smoking, not taking hormones and trying to eat healthy. It's like BC didn't follow the rules. Then we discover there is no answer for why we got it. And no assurance that it won't come back. We have gone from one appointment to the next and even that has been stretched out.

    I decided that I wouldn't sit and wait. I would make choices about what I wanted to spend my time on and say "no" to things I don't want to do. With BC I really learned that I won't live forever - things are less important and people are more important. I have done everything I can to fight a recurrence (take tamoxifen and lost weight) and now I am moving on.

    Best wishes and hugs

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited July 2015

    yes, yes, exactly....I am only 41 but I have spent my entire adult life doing everything to avoid this stuff: Working out, eating organic, taking vitamin D, breast feeding my children for extended periods, having them before age 30 etc. etc.  Even my BS said, " yup! you are text book for NOT getting it...but cancer doesn't care, so here we are." Not having an answer as to why we got it is the hardest, well, along side not knowing if it is really gone....I wish there was a true cure - as everyone on here does.  My onco told me usually I can tell people to make lifestyle change - excercise more, lose weight, don't smoke... whatever... and they can grab that and run with it, feeling they have one element of control - a piece of the puzzle they can change, I'm really not sure what to tell you to do...

    But you are right, live like it is not coming back, that's not so easy in practice but it is what needs to be done.

    Thanks Gramma Kathy, I just wanted to know that I am not alone in feeling adrift!

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  • grammakathy
    grammakathy Member Posts: 407
    edited July 2015

    English Mummy - we are all in this together unfortunately. It breaks my heart when I read that younger women are dealing with BC. I'm now 65 and was 63 at diagnosis. I remember lying there, waiting for my Mx which was delayed later and later. I could hear the surgery nurses questioning the other people waiting for surgery. Unlike them, I didn't have high blood pressure or diabetes. In fact, I took no medicine other than a vitamin pill and a daily aspirin. I came around to the belief that since I am healthy, I have the strength to fight this off. If it had happened in later years, I might have had more complications. My mother was diagnosed with BC at age 80 (too late in life to count as a contributing factor in my BC), chose only a lumpectomy and no radiation or pills, and passed away at age 87 of a heart attack with no return of her BC.
    Hang in there!
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