Doubting myself about reconstruction, is this normal?

It is a decision that only you can make. Draw up a list of the pros and cons.  Talk to women on here who have had recon surgery and those who remained flat. And there are a few who had recon, and then had it reversed,, TE's removed, etc. Don't feel pressured one way or the other.  I decided to remain flat,, always knew that I would not want recon, but yet, I had a LOT of pressure from the doctors to do recon.  It is YOUR decision.

I...Had Recon....the great thing was when I woke up that was the first thing I did was to feel my left side...and there was a bump....that made me very happy....but then I ran into infection and two months later I had to have a revision.....the Doctor said I have up to Five years to try again.....but I did not...it all was too much for me to go through...and really I just felt beautiful anyway....Liz

You are totally normal

Right now I am in limbo on my recon, my TE's failed due to infection and after 5 surgeries and 3 rounds of IV antibiotics, I said enough is enough.

I still don't know if I will go back and have it done, but taking a break was necessary for me. You have time to think about it ((hugs))

Imediate recon was not an option for me, and I am happy with my decision to remain flat. Very early on I read of someone who waited years before pursuing recon, and found it reassuring that I could pursue it later if I felt I needed it. I am athletic and busy and appreciate being able to get on with enjoying my life. I don't anticipate pursuing reconstruction, and am glad to not have had pressure to. It is such an individual decision, but one that only you can make. Best wishes for a wonderful summer of healing and playing with your little boy!

Bluefin - I agree with what everyone is saying. So normal to have all these conflicting thoughts. You have time to think about it, so taking advantage of whatever mental health help the TEs are giving you is a great idea...we are all so different in our choices. We think we know what we want, and then we change our minds sometimes or find out we need something different than we thought we would want.

For me, I have been on a teeter totter of thoughts (thankfully not actions) with my relationship to my breasts & reconstruction.

I had nice biggish boobs before cancer. After diagnosis, I first had lumpectomies. I thought I would be able to get away with no reconstruction.

Then they did not get a clear margin, and I agonized and researched while doing chemo as to whether I should try another lumpectomy or BMX. I ultimately decided BMX because of a number of things. I could not do immediate reconstruction because I was heading into radiation a month after my surgery.

I thought I was ok being flat & I felt like I was going to stay that way. I did not want more surgery. I knew for me a prosthetic bra was not something I wanted, and never got one. When I went back to work in my professional clothing, nothing fit right. Because of being sort of concave on top, my shirts would all slide up. When I bent over, my shirts would fall forward and I could see down to my belt. People I did not know that well felt somehow comfortable enough to ask about my lack of reconstruction, and I hated that. My husband started reminding me to put my shoulders back because I was slouching more than normal to hide. My little chemo pot belly I have acquired stuck out further than anything else.

It became obvious to me I was not comfortable in my own skin. I wish I had been. I just did not feel feminine (the no hair might have had some impact on that too).

So, after 10 months of nothing on top, I had to have my ovaries out because of a tumor (not cancerous, yay!). I convinced my gyno and my Plastic Surgeon to share the OR and do both surgeries at one time. I got my PS to agree to try reconstruction on the radiated side without a flap procedure. After my first couple of weeks, I noticed immediately even with 100 ml on each side I felt more confident about my body. I did not know it would be that simple. Just that little bit helped shut people up, my clothes stay in place and I felt a little more whole.

3 months later. I hate my tissue expanders. They hurt. The fills on my radiated side are excruciating sometimes. But now, my crazy mind has me a little greedy. If I am going to do this, I do not want all this pain for an A cup. My goal is to get to 400 ml on each side. I am in a lot of pain on the radiated side, and my husband thinks I am crazy to keep going. I only have 60 more ml to go on each side. My thought is I will be mad at myself if I quit before my goal. I have no idea why because they cannot tell you what 400 ml will be anyway.

I am happy I am doing reconstruction despite the issues I am having. I now that like chemo and everything else, I will have my exchange and this too will end. The next chapter is whether or not I will do the tattooing. I don't know yet, but no hurry.

Good luck in your decision. Forgive yourself if you change your mind on what is right for you. I hope you do get to squeak by without radiation, because that would make it all easier for you.

Completely normal. I'd originally wanted DIEP but it wasn't offered in my area (downfall of living in rural America - not a lot of options). I kind of feel like I got talked into TI and breast implants; didn't really have another option other than flat. On the plus side, I told myself, maybe DIEP would have been even more surgery and pain. With the TI I've had a LOT of pain after the surgical fill and haven't yet gone for my first real fill, dreading it. Plus I think I'm not liking my PS very much (which I sort of had that feeling but again, lack of options). Sometimes consider calling the whole thing off and going flat. Part of me thinks I'm only 42, and single, and someday when the kids are grown I might date again and having boobs would make me feel less self conscious. The other part of me thinks who am I kidding, I won't care to date by then nor care what anyone thinks of me.

Today....I'm just going to keep going, day by day. If it becomes overly painful maybe I'll give up. But I want to at least try so I don't regret not trying.

Hi ladies. I have some questions I want to ask about recon vs not recon

I have a tissue expander in my breast since mastectomy..it has killed me since day 1. It is too big and goes way over past the middle of my chest too far, it slides and moves and scrapes like sandpaper...I have a huge dimple gouge on the side my my armpit which feels like a stick gouging into me 24/7, and I have a pinched nerve by the incision I have to put a big sock wadded up under the top of my bra strap to try to keep any fabric from touching the pinched nerve, so I look like a freak when I go out..the TE is ttoally mishapen and totally hideous like a monster really I call it frankenboob. The doc put in 250 cc's at skin saving mastectomy and it is very close to the size of my remaining breast already. I have flatly refused all and any fills as I don't need it and I refuse any more pain needles that are not medically necessary. I am 61 years old, am not sexually active any longer and wil not be due to vaginal atrophy issues. At this point I want this horrible TE out of me. PS says I must wait 3 months from mastectomy date. OK

So I am wondering if I just have a little implant exchange will it still fell like this damn TE? I am thinking about just having her take it out and sew it up but she will have to remove the excess skin. What is the least invasive approach? What is the least painful approach ... Does going flat have post pain issues like the TE does....man I hate this...wish I would have never done the TE. BUt need some advice on if I should small implant now or just sew it up? Any advice is appreciated.