Starting Chemo May 2015

Guess I am just feeling emotional, but I am feeling angry too. I am feeling sorry for myself as all around me....family, friends are going on with happy lives. Doing things, going places, and I am felling so alone and like this is not fair. I live alone and the days are so long. Yes, I get text messages and a few phone calls from my kids ( who do not live near and are busy with their families). But, I feel like after we hang up or I text back, they go about their happy lives and I have to just be here going through chemo snd all that goes with it. My sister and her husband just moved into a new house, Yes, I am happy for them, but am feeling sorry for me. I am trying to be more positive, but it is so hard. Does anyone else feel angry

mysunshine, Grrrr - I feel angry and alone too and I'm in a houseful of people! This diagnosis can be very isolating. As I am nearing the end of chemo I am more and more fearful that it didn't work and apprehensive about starting an AI, but everyone else expects me to be happy. Hang in there

Rant away MySunshine. We all have good reason. I want my life back..... I retired last year and had all kinds of plans. Unfortunately last year I also lost my dad, my father in law and early this year my mum, so a chunk of the year was spent travelling 'home' to the UK to be at sick beds and funerals. Don't get me wrong, I cherish those final times with those special people and wouldn't change a moment, but this year was supposed to be about me.... well.. Me and DH. We had a two week trip planned for April, 3 long weekends booked at a place we like to go a few hours from home.... all cancelled.... It became about 'me' for sure..but this wasn't what I meant at all.... so yes, I'm angry too. I agree with Scarlett, it's easy to feel alone in a room with other people, this is very isolating. My daughters live a long way away, one lives in the UK. So I understand what you mean about phone calls, emails... These feelings are one more thing to fight and we can!

Scarlett, again like you, I am nearing the end of chemo...one more...and then AIs for me too. I am dreading more scans and waiting for results.... and possibly bad news and the nightmare not being over...though even with good news, I'm not sure it will ever be over. I am fearful of beyond too.

Then next year I'll have to decide on reconstruction or not....

Hope you are feeling better today MySunshine. With pain, lack of sleep and at this low point in our chemo schedule you have every right to be angry, but I hope today or tomorrow you can draw on the strength you have shown so far and rise above the anger.... today's another day. Be well.

Cats - I have been trying to do one project at a time around the house. Some days I may only do 20 - 30 minutes, others a couple of hours, but it really does make me feel better. Purging my 17 year old's bedroom while he is out of town. It has taken 4 days, but I feel good.

More importantly, has anyone done a mani/pedi during chemo? I'm 14 days out of my 3rd TC. I've been avoiding them for fear of infection, but would love to get a fun 4th of July design for our little town parade. I'm not skilled with dark colors or I'd do my own. Also, would love to do something from my "old" routine. I have a nail salon I trust. It's the little things!

Hello all. I am still alive and kicking cancers butt. Tuesday was the fourth AC treatment. I get a three week break before starting Taxol, and hope to get a few things accomplished. Last treatment came with some nausea and more fatigue, but this time it doesn't seem as intense.

I am staying out on disability until after surgery recovery, so I won't be back at work until December or January. I just hope to not go stir crazy in the mean time. There's only so much TV to watch, and my focus has diminished so reading isn't happening much either.

Have a safe and sane Fourth of July!

rant away, we understand. I feel resentful and overwhelmed. Mom now has hints of pneumonia after her fall on Sunday along with the continued MRSA wound infection and dementia on top of that. Brother is about 40 hrs away (drive) in NV. And so appreciative that I m taking care of all of this..grrr

Made time for myself tp go out to breakfast with a friend, took my mind off myself for a bit.

Being back at work the day after chemo for the next 4 days may not be the smartest thing but looking forward to only working Thursday next week. Starting to fade a bit from the steroids. Luckily the Neulasta pain won't kick in for a few days.

Keeping busy keeps me out of my head. But could so use a nap right now.

Indigestion an heartburn are the worst s/e today.

Prayers and hugs to all

Charrapril, if you read the April chemo boards, there is a lot of women doing Taxol.....some over 12 weeks, some dense dose. They talk a lot about side effects. Also, I am on Taxaterne/ Cytoxin and lost my hair at two weeks. I hsve had 3 treatments and my eyebrows have thinned a lot and have maybe half my eyelashes. I have heard that we can still lose more after treatment 4. Oh, boy! At this point, I just want to get through it and not stress about hair issues. All this will grow back.

I had my final A/C this past week and am only getting a two-week period before I begin my Taxol, once a week for 12 weeks, then 7 weeks of radiation. I am so dry, and the coating in my mouth is so persistent that there is very little I can eat. Mostly I have been living on blended fruit drinks in the a.m. and vanilla ice cream. Rinsing mouth with the water/baking soda/vinegar has done nothing to help. DH has tries to cook for me—I just tell him to cook for himself and if I can get a little of whatever it is down my gullet I'll do so. Chemo nurse suggested I try to find very sour lemon drops to help the mouth problem but I couldn't find them locally. Just ordered some on Amazon.

My hemoglobin and red blood cells are very low. Here is the odd thing: the chemo nurse told me (something like this) that since my medical record said I was being treated for cure I wasn't eligible to get the shot of Procrit to improve my counts. I see the MO on Tuesday and will have another blood test done then. Meanwhile my DH had some 374 mg ferrous gluconate tabs which I'm now taking once a day.

I'd say, "Yay" for having finished A/C but not looking forward to what new SEs Taxol will bring, not to mention radiation to come.

surprise....you rinse with baking soda and salt water, not vinegar. Aldo use Biotin toothpaste and mouthwash. Rinse several times a day. I am wondering if you have lost weight by not eating a lot. I am trying to eat healthy, but obviously too healthy, because I think I eat a lot, and lost 5 pounds last week. I guess I do not eat high calorie foods....no sugar and I am not a bread eater.....mostly protein, fruits and vegetables, with some yougurt now and then. Just not very hungry either. Having bar b q ribs and corn on the cob tonight though! YUM!

Hope you feel better and get the rest of your treatments done!

so I'm on day 4 after my 3rd round of FEC and feeling tired and bad taste in the mouth, the only thing that takes the bad taste away is to eat more. Which isn't good, as I'm putting on weight. I had to give up running, didn't have the energy for it anymore. I know I'll get back at it after this is done.

Up next is the "D" part of the chemo... Which includes:

Docetaxel or paclitaxel + trastuzumab + Pertuzumab.

Just wondering what effects I can expect if anyone out there has been through this?

On the positive side I got an apt with a reconstruction Dr... So I can expect to get my new boob and tummy reduction to create the boob in about 1.5 years!!! So much sooner than expected. Most people suggested 3-5 year wait. Buts is covered through government insurance.

I feel left out of things and being 38, when I do go out during the week, it's usually a sea of white hair. I have nothing against seniors but all my friends work full time with small kids. It makes it hard to stay in touch. I've recently decided to book lunch dates with all my friends and meet them near there work. I can't afford it but I need this to keep sane!

Thanks in advance for anyone that responds!

Marlanab- That's what I did with round #3- I stayed with my parents. They have a huge king sized bed with a t.v., and they just let me sleep. I go down about 24 hours after the nulastra (sp) shot, and sleep until Monday. Well, with each treatment it seems I sleep a day longer.

I have bands on my nails from each A/C treatment. The women in my metaplastic group suggested Emu oil and it has helped keep my cuticles from cracking and my nails from splitting so far. 4 treatments down and start Taxol next week if my body can handle it. I've been on a very high dose 2 week instead of 3 week cycle of A/C and I'm so run down. Spent 7 days in hospital and just trying to make it through. Hoping taxol is not so bad, but already having lot's of bone pain and neuropathy from Neupogen so my MO says we'll try 1 dose and then re-evaluate. Good news is the tumours are shrinking. The one under my arm can't be felt anymore and the one in my breast has gone from 9.8 cm when treatment started to around 2 cm!!! If the tumor shrinks all the suffering and tiredness are worth it!

Gina--Good news on the tumors shrinking! So yes, it's worth it.

Klanders--About the only chore I keep up on is vacuuming and I wouldn't survive without my Roomba because the dogs sure aren't going to vacuum up after themselves. Plus, the Roomba only picks up so much hair so I still have to get the regular vacuum out at least once a week. My housekeeper comes every two weeks but if I don't do something every 3 or 4 days, either Roomba or by myself, I have fur balls blowing across the floor. And I hate it as well when people say "You must be tough." I'm as tough as I need to be and all of us going through this are just trying to get through this so we can get back to being "normal".

Shanann -- i stayed the first couple of times because I didn't know how I was going to react. But I really want to stay on my own this time because I'm a night person and at my parents' house I try and stay on their schedule so I don't thinking I"m resting as well as I can on my own schedule.

Roses--I'd call tonight. Bites can get infected fast and with our compromised immune systems we're at an even greater risk. If you don't call tonight, then at least make sure that you flush it well. I got bit by my smaller dog (a 75 pound German Shepherd/Belgian Malinois crossbreed) in March when I was breaking up a fight between him and my 100 pound shepherd and my PCP put me on an antibiotic right away.

Magnolia83= will you let me know how the taxol weekly thing goes for you? I have to choose between doing it weekly for 12 weeks, or doing the dose dense 4 times every two weeks. I am SICK of being down, but at the same time I want to get it over with. They are saying that the taxol is not as hard. My Oncologist said if I could image Red Devil put me down at 100%, then the taxol would effect me comparatively 70%. I'm really wrestling with this one. HELP! Anyone have any idea which is better? I got my #4 and last Red Devil on July 4th, and the Oncologist said I could take 4 weeks, so I don't go back until July 29th, but I have to get something on the 29th.

Marlanab- I went to my parents to get away from a baby pit bull, a daughter and her 18 month old child, and renter, and a fiance who, bless his heart is amazing, still looks at me as healthy, and wonders why I won't get out of bed.... I"m gaining weight, so I must look very healthy. But, I go down after that shot the next day, and I don't get back out of bed until Sunday/Monday. Getting ready to head to work now. Feeling much better on this wonderful Tuesday. I just feel like I am absolutely sick and tired of pumping toxic chemicals into my system. Did you ladies hear that Joan Lunden is undergoing chemo. Somewhere there are youtubes. She explains the port, and takes us on her journey, but they might be old, and I'm just finding them.

Well I did call about the cat bite. He thought I would be ok but could start if it looks angry. I go in Wed for H along with labs.

Oh wow watching about Dr. Fata in Detroit. What a betrayal of trust.

Happy birthday Magnolia. Glad you could taste the beer.

Yea Marlana, glad the tumors are shrinking.