Cancer- depression, pain, mood swings and raising kids

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Brittney2020
Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30

Hello, I am 41 years old, and almost complete with treatment for triple positive bc. I have 3 Herceptin treatments left and have been on aromasin and Lupron shots for a couple of months. So far I have had achy, sore joints and extreme fatigue all due to the depletion of estrogen. I have a very supporting husband and two beautiful children that need me. I have been gone a lot since my diagnosis and feel terrible about it. I was diagnosed when my son was 6 months old and daughter 3 years old. It has been ruff. I have tried to keep a positive attitude about everything, even though it has been a Rollercoaster ride. My Pathology came back complete response to treatment which is great but i know that it may not end there which is bumming me out. I have been feeling so low that I can't be there for my family the way they deserve. I feel like crap most of the time and feel moody a lot. My mind wants to do more than my body can handle and i am terrified it will come back. I can only talk to my husband about it for so long. Only another cancer survivor will truly understand. I hate the uncertainty. Some days are better than others. But i am coming to realize that I will never be the same again. As i am typing this, my son is pulling at my shirt and my daughter wants to play and all I want to do is crawl in bed and feel so bad that I feel this way. Any uplifting words would be great. Thank you

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  • Stephmoen
    Stephmoen Member Posts: 563
    edited June 2015

    I am 30 and also triple positive I will beon my 4th treatment tomorrow tchp every 3 weeks..you had a pcr that's great and no lymph nodes that's great too!! I know we have been dealt a shitty hand I have my bad days too. I have been thinking about just taking my ovaries out which will send me into menapause instantly it's a very scary thought although my husband has been very supportive and understanding my sex drive is so low and worried adter all this it will never come back I also have 2 kids a 5 year old and 15 month old and it breaks my heart when I don't give them the attention they need on those bad days but I try to make up for it on those good days it will get better with time.. And remember how lucky us her2 girls are that we have these newer targeted therapys as well as medication to take for hormones to prevent this from coming back!

  • geewhiz
    geewhiz Member Posts: 1,439
    edited June 2015

    Hang in there Brittney!! I was 42 when diagnosed +++ with 3 kids. I missed so many kids sporting events, plays, and even the precious time doing homework. But I did my best. I am quite a few years out now. I still get tired, sometimes sad and sometimes scared...but it passes. Your energy and mood will improve. It's ok to feel sad, or scared, or tired. It's normal - we all went through hell. But you will survive and thrive. Allow yourself the time to heal and whatever you are feeling...is just fine.

  • Deblc
    Deblc Member Posts: 479
    edited June 2015

    Brittney be kind to yourself, you cannot help that you feel like crap and do not have the energy to cope with your very young children. That must be so difficult, physically, emotionally and in every way. Remember, the most important thing to them is that you're HERE. Let your kids crawl into bed with you!It's hard to step back from your role as caretaker, but you need to allow yourself to be selfish and take care of YOURSELF now. You're right that we can only talk to our families so much....that's why this board is so great, we all understand what you're going through, so come here whenever you need the support.

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. Blessings to you all! it helps to be able to vent:)
  • Jillian123
    Jillian123 Member Posts: 16
    edited June 2015

    Girl, I hear you! I'm just now getting back into the land of the living. I know you don't want to hear this - it just takes time. There is really nothing you can do. I mean yes, technically there are a thousand things you can "do" - you can diet and exercise and have a positive attitude and mediate and read bible verses and use essential oils, etc. etc. etc. but honestly, doesn't that sound freaking draining? I vote that just living - just "being" is the best thing you can do. Are you are in bed watching Netflix marathons and your kids are covered in jam and the clothes in your washing machine are rotting and your husband just made a fast food run for dinner for the 1,000th time - WHO CARES. You are here for your husband. You are here for your kids. You are here for the people that love you. They all need you, even when you feel like you are running at 20%. And you know what's funny, they won't remember this time the way you do - they will just know that you were here.

    This was a hard time for me - with just a few treatments left. I understand. I often joke that when I talk about cancer with my friends who DON'T have cancer, we all end up crying. When I talk about cancer with my friends who HAVE had cancer, we all end up laughing and drinking margaritas. It's just hard to explain unless you've been there. I get it. Thinking of you!

  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited June 2015


    Brittney,

    have you considered seeing a counselor or possible medication for the depression.   Many of us have found one or both hugely helpful.  I have a counselor I see every other week and can "dump" there, giving my friends a break!   And anti depressants have been a life saver.

    Just another option available

    Be well

    Nel

  • debiann
    debiann Member Posts: 1,200
    edited June 2015

    Brittney,

    I understand when you say you feel like you will never be the same again. In some ways this is true, you've experienced something most can't understand and you'll always carry a bit more worry about your future. However, I'm really happy to report, physically, you will start to feel like your old self eventually. 

    I was dx May 2014. I finished hercepton this past May and had stage 2 recon 3 weeks ago.  While it sucked to get knocked down one more time, its good to finally have it behind me. During my year of treatment I hardly did anything with my grandkids. I moved slower than my 80 year old mother. I managed to work, but fell asleep the minute I got home.  But this month, I'm starting to feel like me again and the more I do the better I feel. I planted a garden, went to a community picnic I missed last year and this week I'm teaching bible school and keeping up with the pre-k group. My dh just installed some carseats so I can pick up the grandkids and catch up on what I missed. I just feel like shouting "I'M BACK!" Truly hoping the dreaded c can never make the same claim, but for now I'm feeling great and I hope you will too when your tx is finished.

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    Thanks so much, Jillian 123...spoke right to me, you are so right. Best wishes to you:)

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    Thanks Nel! I am on Zoloft which had been a life saver. I wish I had time for counseling! This site helps a lot :)

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    thanks debian! Appreciate your advice and prayers to you:)

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    Thanks so much, deblc! You are so right. This site is wonderful! Good luck to you:)

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    Thanks Stephmoen! Bless you and your family. Thanks for the great advice:)

  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited June 2015

    Thanks geewhiz, I appreciate it! Hugs:)

  • Yoshi_Falls
    Yoshi_Falls Member Posts: 22
    edited July 2015

    Hi Brittany, thanks for Sharing your concerns, your post could have been written by me. I found out I was Her2+ yesterday after been told 3 weeks a go I was only er and pr positive. I am going to look at counselling. My poor husband and friends can only take so much.

    I did speak to a triple positive survivor friend yesterday. She is now 2 years cancer free and feels great. She said that she still has the fear but it does diminish over time.

    I know exactly how you feel with the kids. It's very hard but it isn't for ever. My surgeon told me that as bad as the treatments are. You are sacrificing months of life to buy years with your kids. I start chemo in a month and wonder how I will cope. You are nearly through it and that inspires me because I now know that it is possible to cope with it even when you have kids.


  • Brittney2020
    Brittney2020 Member Posts: 30
    edited July 2015

    Yoshi Falls, thanks for your post. To be honest, treatment isn't that bad. You will get through it! I had TCHP. .please ask me anything and big hugs to you:)

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