Should tell my kids?

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CAMommy
CAMommy Member Posts: 437
edited July 2015 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

hi,


I was dx with DCIS last week but this roller coaster started on 6/3 when I got the callback from my routine mammogram that they found something. I have not said anything to my kids yet (ages 13, 11 almost 12 and 8 almost 9). Having surgeries in our house are not uncommon. My husband had two open heart surgeries within 6 months 5 years ago where we though he was not going to make it, thankfully he's 100% fine now, and I had a foot surgery 4 years ago and a complete hysterectomy 2 years ago. So the kids are used to surgeries and dr appointments and lab tests, etc. so I'm not sure I need to tell them any more than I'm having a surgery to fix my breast. But.... My older two are very bright and will probably know it's cancer or will be worried it's cancer. My son, the 11, year old will be ok. My older daughter, the 13 year old is a worrier and will worry not only about me but about her health too. She already assumes she will need a hysterectomy when she's older because I had one. The 8 year old is in her own world, she won't completely understand. Since these things have been going on since she was 3, I don't think she will be too badly effected either way.

Should I tell and how much?

Should I tell friends? I find that the one friend I told, my husband and my parents, I spend more time reassuring them I'll be ok than them giving me any kind of emotional support. And the one friend I told almost immediately distanced herself from me. I think people feel it's contagious or something. I feel rather alone.

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  • BLinthedesert
    BLinthedesert Member Posts: 678
    edited June 2015

    Everyone is different about how much they share in terms of detail, I told my friends, co-workers that my absence impacted, and my close family -- but I told them it was not a big deal (even though I was frightened, and very sick at times). DCIS is a nearly 98% treatable cancer (I liken it to non-melanoma skin cancer in the treatable sense). That said, you will be having significant surgery/treatment (no matter which kind you have) and it will take a lot of teamwork around your house during your recovery (lots more than hysterectomy, in my case -- I am not familiar enough with heart surgery to compare).

    Best wishes to you, this is the most difficult time -- making decisions and wrapping your head around your diagnosis. It will get easier. And, BCO is such a wonderful place for support.

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  • Lj061197
    Lj061197 Member Posts: 47
    edited June 2015

    I didn't tell my 15 year old until I was 100 percent sure what was going on. I am glad I told him. He has asked a few questions, I wait for him to ask since I don't want to scare him. Sounds like your daughter is one amazing girl and would be a great support for you. Sounds like the other kids will b okay too, as their mom you will b able to gage what they can handle. I've only told me closest friends and family. I get the sad look and I'm sorry, I reply don't be sorry for me cause I'm going to kick cancers ass.

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  • Lj061197
    Lj061197 Member Posts: 47
    edited June 2015

    I find the same thing with my friends. I am so glad I found this group everyone is so supportive they know what we are going through.
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  • sandcastle
    sandcastle Member Posts: 587
    edited June 2015

    When...someone would say Sorry....my reply was...do not feel sorry for me...for I do NOT feel sorry for myself.....that just is NOT going to help......Liz

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  • fizzdon52
    fizzdon52 Member Posts: 568
    edited June 2015

    My kids are older (young adults) so I guess it was easier for me. I told them everything right from the first bad Mammogram. That way they got used to the idea that Mum might have something wrong with her. Kids are pretty amazing little creatures and you might be surprised at how well they cope. With regards to telling friends, I told everyone I knew and you really learn who your true friends are, that's for sure! There are several people who I thought were friends and I haven't seen them since my diagnoses. This certainly is a bumpy journey we are on. Lucky we all have each other to talk to. Good luck to you :)

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  • Tigger969
    Tigger969 Member Posts: 13
    edited June 2015

    My children were 10 & 8 when I was dx in December. Once I decided on my course of treatment my husband and I sat down with them and told them what was going on, when it was going to happen and why. They were nothing but positive and supportive during my first 2 surgeries as were their teachers and classmates (we told their teachers just in case).

    In regards to telling friends since I was dx right before the holidays I didn't want to ruin anyone's so we told only immediate family. The day before my surgery I did post on FB what was going on and received a ton of support.

    Good luck to you on your journey.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2015

    I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. also was found in bones, liver, and brain. Liver was full of legions 5 total largest 6x6x6cm.My liver is almost twice its original size. My Dr. told me there was no medical cure for my cancer and I had very little time left. said chemo could extend my live from 6 months to two years. I don't believe he expected me to be around the middle of June without chemo. I am taking 3 parts maple syrup and one part baking soda. Getting stronger and feeling better. I have eliminated sugar, white flour, and red meats from my diet. I take 3 to 4 teaspoons of my baking soda mixture a day. I make it by heating the maple syrup then mixing in baking soda for 5 min. keeping mixture between 100 to 120 degrees F. I supplement this with turkey tail mushroom and milkweed thistle seed. Getting stronger, pain getting less each day. They gave me a cancer blood count first one was 1781 then 2 weeks later I took another and cancer count was 801. Mix mixture before taking never MICRO WAVE.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2015


    I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. also was found in bones, liver, and brain. Liver was full of legions 5 total largest 6x6x6cm.My liver is almost twice its original size. My Dr. told me there was no medical cure for my cancer and I had very little time left. said chemo could extend my live from 6 months to two years. I don't believe he expected me to be around the middle of June without chemo. I am taking 3 parts maple syrup and one part baking soda. Getting stronger and feeling better. I have eliminated sugar, white flour, and red meats from my diet. I take 3 to 4 teaspoons of my baking soda mixture a day. I make it by heating the maple syrup then mixing in baking soda for 5 min. keeping mixture between 100 to 120 degrees F. I supplement this with turkey tail mushroom and milkweed thistle seed. Getting stronger, pain getting less each day. They gave me a cancer blood count first one was 1781 then 2 weeks later I took another and cancer count was 801. Mix mixture before taking never MICRO WAVE

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  • MelissaDallas
    MelissaDallas Member Posts: 7,268
    edited July 2015

    Gene, your response is in no way pertinent to the poster's question or the subject

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