April 2015 Chemo Crew... Starting in April? Please join us!

Littleblue: No worries, no offense taken. I have an optimistic outlook too but I am also a realist. I am certainly hoping for the best! Failure is not an option. My oncologists are certainly optimistic, which is reassuring.

It is very interesting this cycle (TC#3) - I am not as hopped up on steroids as the previous two. Feeling pretty calm and not as hungry. Hoping that the steroid crash tomorrow will be minor or non-existent! Sleep last night wasn't great but it could have been worse.

Gingeel: I did watch the 1st episode of OITNB season 3 tonight...awesome! Not going to binge watch because it would be over too soon!

Andrea

Happy Saturday!!

I have been busy all morning picking up a 2nd hand Treadclimber (Bowflex). I am psyched, because I got it for a very good price on Craigslist. My BFF's DH and my DS went with me to pick up - the sucker is heavy, and they ended up taking a lot of it apart to get it in my house, but they got it all back together and working. I am excited to try something different with work outs - I have been a treadmill walker/runner for years, but I totally got burnt out. The other nice thing about the TC is that you don't have do as much to burn the same amount of calories. I'm so out of shape, and I'm pretty sure the low iron from chemo has done a number on my hemoglobin, that I doubt I'll be able to go more than 10 minutes at first.

Yesterday was my last day of work. I am officially on a LOA until after chemo. I hope that will also give me the time I need for self care and exercise.

Andrea, I think of you often and what you have endured. If a year from now I have a reoccurence or they found a different cancer, I'm not sure if I could go through this again knowing what it entails. That takes incredible strength.

I made the mistake of reading about Elizabeth Edwards. Six years from diagnosis to death. She had ER+ cancer, which I read is one of the most likely to reoccur and to metastasize. I haven't thought to much about dying from cancer, I have been staying positive and focusing on just getting through this. But, jeeze, what if you only had 6 years of life left? And if part of that time was spent sick? I don't want to be negative, but I do want to be realistic.

This BC diagnosis hit me as such a surprise. "Come back for a follow up mamo." Ok - I've done that before, NBD, just a formality. "Probably cancer, come back for a biopsy." Cancer? Nah, they made a mistake. "Cancer, but early and treatable - have a lumpectomy, sentinel node biopsy, then we'll give you radiation, and you'll be on your way." Just get rid of this little tumor, have rads, and it will be like it never happened. "Sorry, tumor was more aggressive, cancer in your node, have to have chemo, rads, and drugs for ~10 years." I just keep letting myself get socked in the gut, and I wonder if I'm in denial right now with all this and should get myself more prepared for the possibility of this being the WCS.

Lynne

Lynne, this is my third time with breast cancer, and I can assure you that is a big pail of cold water right in the face.  The first time I really cried after this diagnosis was from relief when the petscan was NED.  I know that cancer can and does reappear.    But I also know it can and does disappear for very long periods of time.  We're all doing what we need to do to prolong our lives - we wouldn't be on this blog if we weren't all willing to fight hard.   There are people who turn a blind eye to health issues, hoping they will just magically go away, or they are too frightened  to face the reality of cancer diagnosis and don't follow up.  But no one here is in that group.   So I think being realistic means you understand what you need to do  and you're doing it, and you'll keep doing it. 

Lynne same thing happened to me. Thought ok nice little lumpectomy, a "few" rads and back to work in a couple of months. Knew nothing of genomics that got me in this chemo rabbit hole, and a "few" rads is more like 30! Real eye opener...

#7: I am grateful for an orange hazelnut swirl and a cup of good coffee on a cool, sunny morning at the farmer's market.

allicat1214… Congratulations!  For all of you who are heading into radiation;  you will find it very, very doable after chemo.    I think several ladies on this blog have had radiation before, and will probably concur.  Just take really good care of your skin right from the beginning, expect a little fatigue as you move through but absolutely nothing like chemo, don't get too annoyed at the daily routine, and try not to let the machine scare you. 

I will see the radiologist soon to determine what if anything for me on the right side, since I had positive nodes.  I had radiation on the left when I had the lumpectomy  so no more is possible.   

LOL KB - certain "perks" of cancer/chemo.

I have noticed that my rosacea seems to have calmed down a lot - my nose is still pinker than the rest of my face, but nothing like before. I am grateful that I don't have a screaming red face along with the baldness, dark circles, and triple chin.

Lynne

HAIR! HAIR! Holy crap k Susan I reacted to that picture like I imagine a person lost in the desert does when they see water! Oh my god, just the dose of hope I needed today!

Allicat! Congrats! Soon you will have hair too!

Kbee, you poor dear...food is such a pain in the ass, both coming and going it seems like.

Lynne, we gotta take what we can get, right? I wish my skin would clear up! Zits, wrinkles, and dry skin, all on one face!

Thanks for the encouraging words about rads and life in general GKO! It's so good to hear that radiation is easier. The weird things we look forward to now...

Having a hard time keeping my chin up today, somehow managed to throw my lower back out and am afraid to take a muscle relaxer or go to the chiropractor without consulting my MO, who is closed of course. Unfortunatly back spasms have put me in the ER paralyzed from the waist down befor..I'm really stressing it. I know it's from loss of muscle tone over the last 3 months..

My loving husband, seeing me in a wig today, said " you look great"! I just started laughing helplessly. Yup. I look great with hair. Who knew?

Steph you look so pretty and happy, and your mom does too...so glad you had a good day!

Ksusan, your hair! Oh my god its like the sight of water in the desert...I want it!

Lynne, silver linings, right? Grrf...

allicat...congratulations lady!

Kbee...oh man, your post made me laugh in sympathy..the food...the bald...gawwwwdddddd...

You guys, I'm having a hard time keeping my pecked up, as Andrea says..threw my low back out and am afraid to take flexeril or go to the chiropractor without talking to MO, who is closed now, of course. It's really stressing me out, because back spasms have put me in the ER paralyzed from the waist down before. It's jacking up my whole bad cancer side. I see adds for anti aging makeup and stuff on TV and it makes me so depressed worrying about dying from cancer..and my eyelashes and brows are jumping ship. What a pity party huh? Sorry for the whine...

Littleblue, call and talk with whoever's on call for your MO's office.

I hate disturbing people on the weekends

As a former on-call psychiatric crisis worker, I extend permission to call, on behalf of on-call workers everywhere. We would rather that you call before the problem gets worse.

Thank you ladies for helping me get over my fear of calling the Dr on weekends. I just did, and he was SO nice! Stress relieved! This picture is from my hike last night. After my emotional crash and burn, I made myself just go, hoping it might help my back pop back in before it got worse. So this city park is only 3.5 miles from my house. I am greatful.

Good morning all!

Littleblue: hope your back is better! Did you call the MO on call?

Scarlett: mothers can be impossible. Maybe she is having difficulty coping with your diagnosis. My mom watched my dad die of melanoma and she avoids hospitals etc. now. I am going to ask her if she wants to come to my last chemo next month but won't be surprised if she says no.

Husbands can be impossible too. If I may be allowed to vent a little myself...for the last week DH has been pretty absent. He works in Victoria, over an hours' drive away (he commutes by bus every day). It is a long day for him...he decided to stay at his mom's place there to give himself a break for the week (she was away on vacation). So that was fine, I was on my own all week - except Friday, which was a day off for him. Then we were invited to friends' place on Friday...I had chemo Thurs. so was not up to going, but he went anyway. Then last night...same thing, we were invited to another friend's birthday party...I was not up to going but he went. It was in Victoria and he stayed overnight again because his mom got home from her vacation and he wanted to greet her.

Tonight another friend invited us out to dinner with her...I am opting out again because I feel crappy but DH will probably go

The problem is that he is very social and has tons of friends...I have a lot of friends too but with chemo etc. can't be nearly as busy as him. So I stay at home while he has fun. He does not seem to think there is anything wrong with this. Oh, and 99% of his friends are female. I trust him and he's known his friends forever, but I can't help but feel a little discarded. Here I am, feeling like an ugly alien and he's out enjoying life. I know this is not forever and I can't expect him to sit around and hold my hand...but it's difficult.

Okay, end of rant.

Andrea

Andrea I did call him! Back isn't better, but not worse either! Fingers crossed...Ha I totally hear you about the husbands. My husband has been gone or socializing with his crew or sick/depressed for months. I trust him too, but his counterpart is a very pretty, healthy woman, and it hurts that she is supporting him thru my illness. I get it, I really do, but.....why can't he be a woman and take care of me thru this???? Rant. Over.