After Chemo Feelings

Yes, your feelings are TOTALLY normal. You have been through hell both physically and emotionally. How could you feel anything but dreadful?? I once read that for however long you are in 'active' treatment, expect it take that long again to feel 'normal'. I would say to double the amount of time. For now, just hanging in there is enough (radiation is 'active treatment'). If you can at all, try to get a little exercise; that is what helped me the most. One other thought is that you don't have to be doing reconstruction now (or ever, for that matter). If adding it to the mix right now is making things even more stressful, put it on hold until later.

gulyssa - Sorry for your pain. Some of us found the solution to the pain to be VERY slow fills. I only had fills every two weeks and I never took more than 50ccs each time. There's no rush.

I know that there are ladies who have done reconstruction after radiation, sometimes years later. Go over to the reconstruction threads & ask questions. The ladies over there will be able to help you find some answers.

First - remember that as an adullt (unless you have been judged incompetent and have a Court appointed Guardian), no one (Drs and/or family/friends) can force you do to any TXs that YOU do not WANT to do. I sort of had the reverse from my family. Being IBC, recon was not an option for at least a yr. Figured I'd do it when the yr was up so I had appt with PS when the yr was up. I was already somewhat 'second guessing' rather or not I still wanted recon. As 'luck' would have it, we had a late Spring blizzard and could not drive the 500 miles to the facility I was to go to. I had really thought that Hubby and Son (adult), wanted me to do recon as they were quite positive when talking to them. I had been having thoughts about was an additional surgery the best idea having developed LE (lymphedema) while on adjuvant Chemo and then burning VERY bad after rads (have the 'good' scars to prove it). I am a very active 'outdoor woman' and had no limitations as to doing anything/everything I wanted to - would more surgery potentially limit what I can do? All in all, I had basically already decided that it wasn't worth doing 'anything' that might wind up limiting me. Talked to Hubby to tell him that I was thinking about not doing recon - what did he think. Turns out that he and Son had been talking a lot and both really did not want me doing any unnecessary surgery UNLESS I felt I needed/wanted it. Looking back - IF I had really listened better to their exact words, I would have realized earlier that they were supporting ME in whatever my decision was because it was what was right for me - not deciding what THEY thought I should do.

Have you already seen your Rads Dr? If not, do. They are the experts on rads and how tissue/implants are effected by rads. The first time I saw my Rads Dr, he went on a fairly long tirade about how all that were looking to doing rads should be seen before any TX started so could have information from a Rads specialist. In my case I was DXd Fri, saw surgeon on Mon, saw Rads Dr on Wed and saw Chemo Dr on Thurs. I do not understand why so many do not see all of their Drs before starting TX as it all goes hand in hand and each are specialist in their field.

Ah......well, vent away; you definitely have a lot on your plate right now!!!!!

Thank you for your honesty about feeling alone even though you have people helping you and around you. I am a single mother of two teenage girls and I have an AMAZING group of friends that support me, yet I still feel so alone. Now that it's warm and the kids are out of school, everyone is out doing things and I feel left out. And everyone I know has a life and I don't right now. Cancer and chemo are my "life" right now and it sure is a lonely place. I try to do things when I feel okay (days 7-14) and make plans with people but at the end of the day, I am alone. I have gone through 2 AC treatments and the third is set for Wednesday out of a total of four. Then I have 12 weeks of Taxol or Taxere, I can't remember off hand. So, I am looking into next year before I am "normal" again. God Willing...

Mamamule, Gulyssa, I may be a bit behind on this thread...but I have some experience with this. My journey has been a fast ride...Dxed early Feb, from early stage ILC to stage 3 by the May 5 BMx, June 6 Aux Lymph Discet surgery, start chemo early am for 18 weeks, followed by rads. The reason I give you this history lesson is because when this game began...no one, not me nor the professionals ever expected stage three, chemo, or rads until after the BMx (which was a rather extreme choice on my part...I had the Lx option.) But, before the actual BMx, I was suposed to have been the perfect canidate for immidate recon, with nipple/skin sparing surgery. I jumped at it - one and almost done. Now, with the TEs in place (very, uncomfortable) I will not be having the exchange until after Rads are complete - and there is not telling what the results will be like with the side that will take the radiation - looking back - 20/20 vision - it would have been better to have held back on the TEs until after the BMx when we knew that the chemo/Rad treatments were just around the corner. I'm still having to take pain killers & muscle relaxers - which could have been avoided. Not to mention I'm an emotional wreck. I thought that loosing my breasts was really terrible - didn't know I was so attached to them. But, as it turns out, my PS did a wonderful job and I can acutally see how the end result might actually have been more pleasing than my real breasts-! I didn't not KNOW that loosing my hair, eye lashing, brows (well, ALL over) was going to cause so many tears to fall. I don't know if it's pride, or what. I've always had very long, thick hair...even now at 55 it's down way past my shoulders....

So, tomorrow afternoon, after my first chemo, my grown daughter and I going to find a place to chop it all off and shop for a few scarfs and summer caps. I don't want a wig (hot, heavy- just not me - I don't THINK)...

Bottom line to this long story - It is better, in MHO, to wait for the treatments to end with solid results, then start the recon - or live with the TEs for more than half a year!

Blessings, Hugs, Prayers, & Laughter

December (formerly Vol4Life)