Recently diagnosed nurses or not

Hello everyone, this is my first post but not my first attempt. I feel like I don't know where to start, I start to type, get distracted and then withdraw without posting. I do find some comfort in reading the posts from women going through the same or similar crazy experience. I was not sure where to post, where to start and how much of my story to tell. I have so much family support and they do mean well however I think the people in these groups are the only ones that really know and understand and everyone's experience is unique, so I have committed sometime this morning to share and decided to start my own thread so here goes...

I was diagnosed about a month ago and I found my cancer on fluke. I am 39, 3 months shy of my 40^th birthday and I am a nurse practitioner that just graduated about a year ago today. Before that I was a nurse for about 20 years, oddly I worked in a cancer hospital before we moved from my home town of Buffalo, NY. I preface my story with this because being a nurse any kind for any number of years does not prepare me any better than anyone else but did give me the paranoia to investigate my initial concern that led to my diagnosis. Last October I presented a women's health education program highlighting breast cancer. I knew the basics from what I have learned in school and have taken care of in the past but I learned volumes when I sat down and really researched the topic. I read about different types of presentations of breast cancer including skin changes and Paget's disease. If there are any nurses out there you might be able to relate that everything you learn about you sometimes think you have. I think every nurse at one point thinks she has a brain tumor from odd headaches in actuality it is just stress. I had developed some odd itching in my right nipple, then some mild dermatitis, but I read that Paget's usually affect women in their 50's so I kind of blew it off.

Then I diagnosed 2 women in my practice with breast cancer, neither had symptoms and were simply over due for mammograms. I started reading their consult notes from the surgeon I referred them to and started looking back at myself, something struck me in their notes, asymmetry and fullness in both notes. So I looked harder at myself, noted the scaling and itching was cyclic with my cycle. My mother's mother had breast cancer at age 34 and again at 80. I saw the fullness in my right breast and noted hypersensitivity, so I conceded to a diagnostic mammogram and that led to an ultrasound because of the radiologist said "you have crazy dense breast" but we didn't see anything on the US. So he says wait a couple of months if I feel concerned about it I can get an MRI. He actually said my symptoms were indicative of inflammatory breast cancer that can be aggressive and only show on MRI, my thought was no kidding I read that too.

Now I am not a super religious person but I do believe you are given situations or put in situations to learn from, because if I had not done that women's health talk, took care of those 2 women I diagnosed with breast cancer, I may never have met the breast surgeon I referred them to. She had called me to discuss one of my patients and I took the moment to curbside her about my situation. She insisted I get an MRI NOW. I was at first thinking well calm down you haven't even seen me but she is the expert so I did. An hour after my MRI the radiologist from my group called said I had a 2 cm inflammation on my MRI and needed to see a breast surgeon. Well I automatically call the breast surgeon that encouraged me to go in the first place and by the next afternoon I was in her office getting a punch biopsy. That was a Thursday and by Saturday I was told I have IDC but due to all the dermal cells present from the punch biopsy we had to rule out any dermal cancer. So I held out for some dermal abnormality and a mistake it was breast cancer. My colleague now my surgeon is pretty honest with me and says it is IDC but further testing would be needed to assess it's characteristics and what it will respond to best. That was the longest 2 weeks of my life. I got the CT of my chest, abdomen and pelvis and bone scan and my braca genetic testing. Thankfully all scans and braca was negative except for a nodule on my right lung that at this point they are not concerned about but will rescan in 3 months due to my breast cancer diagnosis. My pathology confirmed it was ER positive 100%, PR negative and HERS2 negative with an intermediate proliferation rate that was really on the low end of intermediate so I really hopeful it was going to be luminal A that studies had shown chemo had no long term benefit and is really not needed. I had a blueprint done that looked at all the different characteristics of my cancer and drilled down that it was a luminal B requiring chemo. Damn seriously come on, I feel like I can't catch a break.

I met with my oncologist, oddly enough the one my patients were referred to and they rave about how wonderful he is and I agreed because he calls me personally to discuss my patients I refer to him and shows genuine care and concern. He took hours with my husband and I to explain everything, which awesome for me because at this point I can't define simple words in my head like beast and my husband works with electronics so we were equally lost. The plan thus far is I start TC on Thursday, yes in 2 days. I had my sentinel lymph node biopsy this past Friday and as far as I know it went well but I'm waiting for my results. If my nodes are positive this will alter my treatment by adding adriamycin and require a port placement. I hopefully find out today, as I am not exactly patient and every time I have tried to stay optimistic I am let down by more negative news.

I hope those who read my post do not find it long winded but helpful whether you work in healthcare or not. I do find it cathartic to put my experience on the screen in hopes that this may help other women feel less alone and find some support for one another.