Why do I feel alone?

tacticalnikita · May 2015

Curious why everyone seems to want reconstruction and why people feel a need to make me feel bad because I don't want to go through the extra surgeries and pain? I can't find much on those who don't feel they can deal with it. Am I stupid for not wanting to deal with the extra pain? I had my surgery on 5/1/15 and still hurt pretty bad. Just got my drains out yesterday and was hoping I'd get sleep, but no. I can't deal with sleeping on my back and that's what I've done for a week 1/2. I chose to have both removed and turned out it was a good thing because abnormal cells were found in my non-cancer breast. But I still don't get why I get such push back from people about not wanting fake ones.

ksusan · May 2015

There are "no reconstruction" threads on this board if you'd like to talk with women who made that decision. I had a bilateral mastectomy and I'm not reconstructing--I'm pretty sure I won't wear fakes, either. I'm also in chemo and have no bad feelings about losing my hair, but for some women it's more devastating than a mastectomy. What matters is what matters to you.

SpecialK · May 2015

These threads may have what you are looking for.

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/789067?page=125#post_4389119

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/818608?page=14#post_4389589

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/801359?page=11#post_4389443

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/802241?page=306#post_4386703

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/828003?page=1#idx_29

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/610613?page=4#idx_91

Moderators · May 2015

Welcome to BCO Tacticalnikita.

We hope that you find the boards supportive and informative! You'll find that many many women do not choose to go down the reconstruction route.

We collected some of our members reconstruction stories for our Community Newsletter back in December.

You might like to check them out: http://www.breastcancer.org/community/acknowledging/reconstruction

Best of luck with everything,

The mods.

Kricket · May 2015

Hi Tacticalnikita!

So sorry you feel alone! I'm new to these boards and haven't really found what I'm looking for either. But, I admire you for not doing reconstruction! I have thought about it, but decided that I'm going to do it. I have my mastectomy scheduled for 5/26, with immediate reconstruction. I know I will need more than one surgery, but hoping all goes well.

NineTwelve · May 2015

Hi, nikita. It's so hard to wrap one's mind around the changes in our bodies and in our society. You are not alone in the way you feel. Maybe in the minority, but I think the public opinion on reconstruction is still evolving. It has gone from something that we had to fight with our (sexist) insurance companies to get covered, to something everyone assumed we were going to get, to something that we can now choose or not choose.

When I first got my diagnosis and had my surgical consult, I had already googled the "going flat" websites. I told the surgeon I wanted a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction. Subsequent stories I read of women who had to get multiple surgeries only confirmed my original feeling - that it wasn't worth all the pain and the worry and the long recovery times, not to mention the many possible things that can and do go wrong, just to end up with something that wouldn't look or feel like "me."

Further tests revealed my metastases, so the surgery was canceled. Great, I get to keep all my diseased parts. Still, I prefer having my deformed, sick natural breast over some of the horrors that I have read about, when the reconstructions failed.

Please don't let what other people think you should do pressure you into a decision you know in your gut you would regret. You have to live with the result, every day, and if they care about you, they will understand that.

Why do I feel alone?

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