Interested in hearing from ILC ER + PR-

I am not PR-, but I read your post and wanted to hug you and tell you to LIVE while you are alive!! "They" can say anything they want about cancer predictions, but every person is different. If you read enough posts here, you realize that cancer does not follow a flight plan and it refuses to obey doctors. It is a crapshoot!

I'm a worrier about health and I have slowly tried to let it go. My DH is 17 years older than me and his retirement was postponed long enough for me to have my surgery and then move on.

Once we have cancer, we are never the same. Between treatments and worry and the "C" word.....but it doesn't have to mean our lives are worse. Don't let cancer win!! Don't die before you are dead!! Don't cheat yourself of great years while you are here...IF, and this is a big IF, the cancer comes back, there are newer and better treatments than even 7 years ago. I hold on to the hope that the immuno-therapy/vaccines will make cancer a chronic thing or possibly even a CURE. Yes, I'm saying it..a CURE.

They've made great strides in other cancers so why not hope for this?

Don't cheat yourself of a great relationship with your DH and the future you planned. If you have to change the plan, that is fine, but don't give up on it. Don't foist fear on yourself and your DH....what if you are lucky enough to be like julia child and live to 93!!

Life gives no one a guarantee....that google exec that died at 46 when he fell off the treadmill on a family vacation in Mexico....who can know how or when it will happen. EVERYONE will die....it is just a matter of time. HOW we choose to live is our choice as best as we can plod along. Your DH may not want to remarry; your DH might get to love the house you two plan to get...if he doesn't, he can always sell it should the need come.

My DH reminds me every day, that no one is promised a tomorrow and that life isn't fair; but we each can at least not cheat our own selves of the time we have while we have it!

I know your fear and your anger. My first year was a weep-fest and an anger fest....I'm still not pleased about getting cancer and I do get bouts of fear/anger, but I no longer let it last for days and weeks....and I have started planning as if I may make it. It is OK to plan and have those plans change, but why change them before you have to!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((JudyO))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

JudyO, you are smart to see a therapist. I refused. I was told to see "someone" and to join a support group, but I had to dig myself out of this myself. I still have bad days, but I do try to look at the bigger picture.

I smile when I look at my DH and that is priceless to me. He is so practical and matter of fact, and most days, that is exactly what I need. He told me that I should plan ...and if we change plans, that is OK. And that he was sorry if he died first, but we still plan and hope he continues his great health...if it changes, that's when we will deal with it.

I hope you can see the bigger and better picture and give yourself permission to enjoy the life and years you have. I sometimes think that I spent a good deal of time blaming myself---as if it were my fault that our family were affected by this beast. But again, my DH said..." wow, you think you have that much control and power...and if you did, that you would pick this for yourself?" Once my brain accepted that blaming myself was silly, things became easier.

This is NOT our fault. no one wants to be sick and no one wants cancer....we are dealt the cards we are dealt and then we can only do what we can do...enjoying life is something we can try to do

Best to you! Post back when you buy that condo!!

Judy

I am also almost 7 years out-- there was some controversy about my PR-- oncotype had it at - and pathology at +....

anyway, I think you get past it when you get past it. I did find therapy helfpul- and I discovered, as a human being, I need alot of reassurance, so I found ways to get it. Got it here from people who were further out, in therapy, from my h, from my docs. I journaled a great deal. I found the mental gymnastics so much harder than the physical challenges. I will say I rarely think of bc- except when I come to the site to be helpful. I did get a very minor case of thyroid cancer last year and that brought it all back, but only for a short while.

I do think it is good to be prepared. I have been slowly doing things like wills, financial planning, etc. But, the fact is, I would have to do that anyway--- we all need to be prepared because crazy things happen in life. But I completely understand how this can play with your head in ways that are very disturbing and hard to combat. I find that exercise, some mediation and really being with people I enjoy help me. I have very little patience now for difficult people or people or things that drain me. I am feeling very professionally challenged right now, and I find that draining-and from that I can go to the "bad place" in my head. But, then again, I often tell myself "you have been through harder things" when I feel life things bearing down on me. And you have too.....

Know that we all understand and that each of us manages that little demon in our own way. I wish you peace and a lovely long retirement.

I was very angry that I was such a fanatic about mammos and health and then got this ILC. My brother and dad both have died from cancer I the last 2 years which adds to the grief and paranoiaIt only 6 months since the dig oaks but. I think about BC probably almost every hour. Counseling has helped a lot. We are trying to live in the moment Just bought a new RV I'm 62 now and on disability due to my chemo neuropathy. Trying to decide if I go back to the same work or what. Don't want to have regrets if this comes back On the other hand my mothers best friend got BC and it didn't come back for 20 years, but her husband the healthy one had a massive heart attack and was gone at 54. All we have for sure is the moment