How do you stop the negative thoughts

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SpriteB
SpriteB Member Posts: 49
edited June 2015 in Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results

I'm still in my diagnosis process. So far I know it's IDC, grade 3, er+, Her+, 1cm. I met with my breast surgeon yesterday, had genetic testing as I'm adopted and have no family history and being only 37 they recommended it. I have a vague plan...surgery, chemo, possible radiation. I feel a little better that there is a plan of treatment but I CAN'T STOP the thoughts that it has already spread. I've always had lower back aches but now I'm scared its cancer. I had an ovarian cyst 6 months ago and now I'm obsessing on whether or not it's cancer. I'm so scared. I pray, seek support in friends and family, take Xanax if needed but I'm still petrified.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with it

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  • angelia50
    angelia50 Member Posts: 381
    edited February 2015

    yes, I have those feelings. Immediately after my mastectomy, I would have anxious days when I would just feel overwhelming fear. I would just sit and cry and say, I'm scared. I know we all know others who have cancer and we all knew we could have it some day but now, we know we have it or had it, thats scary too, to know it could come back but I guess logically, its not different than thinking we could get it. Its been 6 months since my surgery and I don't dwell on it so much but its in my mind, the wondering if a cell escaped, the wondering if I'll get it in the other side, since I only had a uni, the wondering if I should have had chemo, wondering if the Arimidex is working, and like you, wondering if every pain is cancer. I think it just takes time to bury those feelings deeper inside but I'm sure, they will always be there.

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  • RainDew
    RainDew Member Posts: 305
    edited February 2015

    hey Sprite,

    So sorry to hear this. I was 39 at diagnosis almost a year ago, and I can tell you it DOES get better - you just can't sustain this level of panic forever. Once I had my treatment plan in place things started to feel a little better. And now, 5 months after finishing chemo, I feel almost normal most days. Some days I still get really scared, but those are far fewer than they were.

    Make sure you keep breathing, and get the support you need. I found a wonderful onco-psychiatrist who really helped. You may want to check out the terrific community of young women (diagnosed before 40) at the Young Survival Coalition.

    Big hug! Hang in there

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited February 2015

    I was diagnosed two weeks ago. For me, it comes in waves. I was in shock for a couple of days after my original dx. I honesty thought there was little chance of having BC since I have implants already and very little tissue of my own in there. Seeing the surgeon the same day I found out I had it helped because I wouldn't have had a clue about how bad it was or wasn't. I freaked a little when the MRI mentioned node involvement because that implied to me it might be worse than I was led to believe. I also did some reading about what my node diagnoses said and there was nothing positive about it. I have taken and 'I will deal with it as it comes' attitude because really at then end of the day, what else can you do? This whole experience has kind of made me realize I can't control every aspect of my life.

    I haven't posted my diagnosis in my signature yet by I am early stage 1-2, 2.9 cm PR and ER + and HER-.

    Hugs. Hang in there and just keep coming here for support or wherever you can find it. I was surprised at some people who were very supportive and I have/had trouble with whom to even tell at all.

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  • momand2kids
    momand2kids Member Posts: 1,508
    edited February 2015

    Hi sprite

    You will feel this way for a while, but it does fade. some things that helped me--exercise, ativan and ambien to sleep. I think sleep is your most powerful ally. If you can get some sleep, you can really handle anything. I would also remind myself that they have come along way in cancer-- it is amazing. I had a good prognosis, and I bet you do too..... focus on the good things-- I wrote them down and carried them in my pocket every day. Things like "it is small, contained, no lymph nodes" whatever your good news is, and focus on that. My husband used to say that the only really bad news we ever got was that I had breast cancer. He was right.

    but even with all that positivity, I needed the ativan sometimes and I definitely needed the ambien to sleep. that was only for a couple of months while we were figuring out treatment, etc.

    Hang in there-- we all understand- this too will pass.


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  • PoohBear-61
    PoohBear-61 Member Posts: 263
    edited February 2015

    Hey SpirtB....

     

    Meditation helped me a lot ......you can get some good ones right off the internet ....it helped me relax and help my brain to STOP thinking soooo much..... 

    These books were also very helpful ... Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and I Can See Clearly Now by Wayne Dyer .

    Also ...the 100 days of Gratitude thread helped me out SOOO MUCH by getting me to focus on the good things!

    Gratitude does wonders.
    HUGZZZZZ

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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited February 2015

    We have so much in common Angelia. Uni mx. No chemo. I have a Fear of death. Fear of cancer. I am on medication now for help. I have two college degrees. Art awards etc. Used to be a high achiever. Excellent career. Brave independent woman.BC has withered me to a partially broken person. I see a psychiatrist and two therapists now. One works at the Cancer center. I used to be against psyche meds pre BC days. Now I take Ativan. Effexor. and other meds to keep me glued enough to get the very basics done in my life. Like showering/laundry etc. Don't be afraid to ask for help. My psychiatrist explained a cancer diagnosis is a very very traumatic event psychologically. It is better to be honest and deal up front with the fear and pain than hide these feelings. It is healthy to tell and feel your feelings. Without psyche meds I would be in a hospital on a psyche ward forced on meds. I now have Major Depression and PTSD. Do not be afraid to see a therapist. It is ok to get help.

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  • ml143333
    ml143333 Member Posts: 658
    edited February 2015

    I can only speak for myself, but when I have negative and scary thoughts related to breast cancer, I literally stop what I am doing and pray.  I firmly believe that God doesn't want us to worry and be anxious, He says so in Philippians 4:6 (Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God). 

    If you're not into prayer, I still believe that you should take a time out, breathe, assess and re-direct your thoughts.  Only we can conquer the negative thoughts.  Only we can give them power to make us afraid.

    I really believe that I can't worry about the "what ifs" because I can't do any more than I am doing to prevent a reoccurrence.

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  • NATSGSG
    NATSGSG Member Posts: 231
    edited May 2015

    Perhaps reading about my experiences here may help you?

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/147/topic/831038?page=1#idx_2

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  • Italychick
    Italychick Member Posts: 2,343
    edited May 2015

    Get out and do, live life. The more I do, the less I have time to obsess. I see my grandkids three times a week, bike ride, walk, hike, socialize, and get out of my head as much as possible. Today I was picking up a prescription and an older lady came up and hugged me and said she has had breast, both lungs, and colon cancer and she is still here doing just fine. Just know the majority of people go on to live a long time even after a cancer diagnosis, whether it is localized or systemic.

    Best of luck to you and many hugs and happy thoughts! I am 2/3rds of the way through chemo, and all I can say is that it isn't my preferred thing to do, but it is doable.

    Just take each day one day at a time. You will get through this.

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  • Pamela79
    Pamela79 Member Posts: 13
    edited June 2015

    I was very depressed and got irritated for no reason. Mind power and prayer therapy help me a lot in remaining positive. I took a sheet of paper and wrote down every thing i want to happen, and i read and repeat the list every day. I put a smile a smile on my fave reading the list. Believe me, it works

    Let's fight cancer together (link removed by Mods)

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  • PoohBear-61
    PoohBear-61 Member Posts: 263
    edited May 2015


    quote from  Iyanla vanzant

    When we believe we are losing control, we grab on tight. When our greatest fear comes upon us, we clench our fist and teeth, close our eyes and hold on. We must learn how to let go. When the time comes for growth and change, we must have the courage and faith to let go. Whatever leaves my life makes room for something better.

    image

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  • lauren32
    lauren32 Member Posts: 46
    edited May 2015

    Thanks I really like that quote. I am 33 and if course very fearful and am now trying to get my life back on track after all the treatment. I still have radiation to go. It all feels like such an uphill climb and the not being able to control everything for a control freak like me is what I really battle with. If I'm out and about im able to put in it my mind and in quieter moments when the scared feels so huge I find i have to deliberately try and shove the obsessive thoughts away!

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  • Jek1983
    Jek1983 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2015

    Hi all,

    Today I had an app with my plastics specialist in regards to my complete reconstruction as I have tissue expanders atm.

    I was diagnosed May last year at 30 with metastatic triple negative bc. Tested BRCA1 positive. I went straight into chemo, surgery and then radiation. And just had hysterectomy.

    I was lucky to have a complete pathological response to chemo, but like many I have been struggling with the fear that it has spread. Every pain and my mind thinks the worst. For a couple of weeks now I have been experiencing pain on my rib. I mentioned it today and doc 1 went and got doc 2 and they bother felt it,and booked me for bone scan first thing Mon. They said it could just be scar tissue but I'm freaking out.

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  • Zillsnot4me
    Zillsnot4me Member Posts: 2,687
    edited June 2015

    Is your rib pain where the drain tubes were? Mine get sore from the least little bit of fluid. I had actually forgotten about the silly things, hard to imagine I know. But that's where my pain is. Staying hydrated and massaging the area helps.

    I'd say your docs are being extra cautious. Hope you find something to occupy your time this weekend. That's the hard part, waiting.

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  • Jek1983
    Jek1983 Member Posts: 4
    edited June 2015

    Waiting is the worst. No not where drains were. Hoping it's scar tissue but mind not being able to outweigh negative thoughts

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