How big is your whale?

RaiderGirl
RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419

When first diagnosed, BC took over my mind, my body, my life. It was the first thing that came into my mind in the morning. Everything revolved around this diagnosis.

DH described it like a huge whale moving into our home. We couldn't ignore it or kill it. We have to live with it.  He said that as time goes on that the whale would get smaller and it would take up less space.

He is right, its so much better than early on. But its still there. Its been 10 months now.

The whale has  shrunk from a Moby Dick to an great white Jaws.

Those of you who more experienced...how long before its the size of a guppy?


 

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Comments

  • kmpod
    kmpod Member Posts: 234
    edited May 2015

    Well, it's been close to 4 years now and there's still a shark here - not a great white- but still with the potential to bite. I keep glancing over my shoulder hoping that it's not stirring.

    Guppy-sized would be great.

    PS: I love your sense of humour. (and your DH's)

  • WinningSoFar
    WinningSoFar Member Posts: 951
    edited May 2015

    I've been thinking how big my whale is. Some days it's not there, then suddenly it's there again--maybe a shark size, but definitely has teeth. I've come to accept this as the new normal--the result of being diagnosed with a life threatening disease, but I don't have to think of it every moment.

  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited May 2015


    RG ... it's been 8 years for me.  I promise, as time goes by, the great white will become a little goldfish.  It never completely goes away, but a goldfish is manageable. It will fit inside a little aquarium in your house.

    I don't know how long it takes ... I can't remember, but I know it helped when my appointments were moved to every six months instead of three and my mammograms are now once a year.  I think about the cancer coming back frequently, I just don't talk about it or stress about it as much I did the first year or two.  I rarely talk to DH about these things anymore ... just sometimes, especially if a friend I've talked about has a recurrence. 

    You're only 10 months out from diagnosis ... Realistically, I'd say it takes longer than that. Just keep living your life one day at a time and you'll get there.

    hugs

    Bren

  • inks
    inks Member Posts: 746
    edited May 2015

    Mine must be a puffer fish, sometimes normal size and other times all puffed up and scary.

  • kittysister
    kittysister Member Posts: 212
    edited May 2015

    Mine is a whale .. a smaller one, but still a whale.

  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited May 2015

    inks:  that is perfect!  Love that description.

  • Jenwith4kids
    Jenwith4kids Member Posts: 635
    edited May 2015

    I'm 16 months out and finally one week past exchange surgery. I finally feel like I might feel better after all, that I really will be able to put most of this behind me. My social worker said 18-24 months. She's been spot on about everything else so I believe her.

    So I guess my fish is a smaller than a whale now, I don't know, maybe a mako shark? LOL. I'd like to think of it as a dolphin...because I know a dolphin would never hurt me

  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited May 2015


    Inks and Jen ... love your analogies!!

    hugs

    Bren

  • tjh
    tjh Member Posts: 469
    edited May 2015

    I am almost 2 months from diagnosis. 6 weeks post surgery, 8 days awat from chemo....right now it is a blue whale. After 1st time and I know how I will react I hope it shrinks.

  • BrooksideVT
    BrooksideVT Member Posts: 2,211
    edited May 2015

    Whatever kind of sea creature it is now, it's moved out of the center of the room and the center of my universe, and is nicely swimming around in an aquarium, along with all my other major and minor stressors. Took two years. I hope it stays in the aquarium.

  • Jenwith4kids
    Jenwith4kids Member Posts: 635
    edited May 2015

    tjh, every new thing scared the shit out of me - and then it was behind me. You are right, the fish will shrink a bit once you know what to expect from chemo.

    Brookside - I'm glad your fish has friends to keep him busy so he doesn't bother you!

    :)

  • JJOntario
    JJOntario Member Posts: 356
    edited May 2015

    It's weird as I've described my lx scar as a shark bite. I'm so tired of this taking up so much space in my mind and my body. I don't think I will ever trust my body in the same way.

  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited May 2015

    Good reply

    A buffer fish...isn't that the one that is poisonous if not prepared correctly?


  • tjh
    tjh Member Posts: 469
    edited May 2015



    Yep...Puffer fish is super expensive sushi and if not cut correctly it is poisonous. I prefer grilled wild salmon:(

  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited May 2015

    JJ Ontario

    Trust...I like how you expressed that. Indeed my body betrayed me. I loved it, care for it, treated it well and it screwed me anyway.

    I should have had a life of cigarettes, martinis and late nights.


  • NCDi
    NCDi Member Posts: 85
    edited May 2015

    I am waiting fir my Oncotype "score" before decisions are made on treatment. As a 64 year old I have taken the view that I won't spend time worrying, but that is my personality. I am lucky that when faced with stress I get sleepy. Went to the mall this weekend and was amazed to find a big Susan B Komen fund drive in progress - a sea of pink shirts and smiling faces. As I dropped my twenty in I said to one young lady that I appreciated the effort but, it made little difference to so many women with Bc right now. She looked totally nonplussed

    There is a feel good factor, making a contribution or participating in the effort but here we all are anyway.

    My plan is to make my whale a minnow.

  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited May 2015

    NCDi

    I have finger , toes, eyes crossed that the oncotype comes back low. I sleep when stressed too. Funny most people get insomnia.

    As for the mall trip, I am for whatever makes a bc patient feel supported. I don't begrudge anyone their walks or pink paraphernalia. If it helps someone in anyway I say go for it

    But for me I can't support anything Susan G Komen

    Susan G Komen reported earning in 2013 of $405,633,582.

    Total for patient services $217,779. of which $43,396. went to research.

    The foundation paid out $400,000. in serverance when 4 executive left the organization.

    In a "special disclosure of executive compensation information" dated Dec. 30, 2013 and posted on Komen's website, the organization announced that Salerno's annual salary as president and CEO will be $475,000.

    For me Pink Stinks.

    I didn't make up these figures . Below is their own website link to their financial statement .

    http://ww5.komen.org/uploadedFiles/_Komen/Content/...


    PS: Sorry to hi-jack the thread but the whale is really big today,

  • JJOntario
    JJOntario Member Posts: 356
    edited May 2015

    Before BC I was pink washed too

  • lovetodance1
    lovetodance1 Member Posts: 62
    edited May 2015
  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited May 2015

    At this point my large killer whale is simply a school of dolphins. Smaller yes, but still hard to net. I am hoping the large killer whale has been chased back out to sea, and I will try to live with all of the dolphins scattering and jumping. Hopefully one day they will just be fun to watch, this is not fun. 11 months and counting.

  • NCDi
    NCDi Member Posts: 85
    edited May 2015

    Hi RG - am totally gobsmacked at the financial stats on Komen and thank you for the great link.

    I donate to cancer "charities" and entities who help children in dire health. I guess I need to check charity navigator more thoroughly and look at administrative costs too.

    We need more money going towards research, not fat compensation packages for "executives" who are making a cushy living on the misery of our reality.

    Of course, politicians don't care but hey, if it's NFL concussion, that's a bigger priority for a vastly smaller group of.....males.

    When I had surgery I received a questionnaire from the North Carolina Tumor Registry advising me to complete and return as it was important to tabulate statistics. I guess that sums it up.


  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited May 2015

    Kayb

    I stand corrected. The sum given was greater. Dam those decimals make a difference.

    Financial reports should not be read by a pissed off woman on cancer meds.

    They have done great things in the past but in my opinion not so much now. They could do so much more.

    The compensation for executives that left is inexcusable as is the salary of the CEO.

    Anyway, this thread got hiJacked (by me, I know). I dont like the SGK foundation for many reasons most of them personal.

    People give to whom they feel right about . I buy gas cards and leave them at the cancer center. I know where my money went

    I deleted that post.





  • Kricket
    Kricket Member Posts: 12
    edited May 2015

    I was diagnosed on 4/29 and I have a huge whale in my life! I do not have all my pathologist results back yet and I do not have a date for surgery or know any other treatment I may need! It is all I think about day and night. By comments on this post, I guess I have a very long road ahead of me.

  • Hopeful82014
    Hopeful82014 Member Posts: 3,480
    edited May 2015
    Hi, Kricket - I'm so sorry you're here swimming with the sharks and the whales. Hang in there; it takes a long time but things do improve and we'll help you make it through until (and beyond) that point.
  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited May 2015

    The passage of time can definitely shrink your whale down to guppy, minnow, or even krill size; but, you know, it's starts out as BC vs. your body but then it ends up BC vs. your mind. After all the active treatment, and various stages of horror along the way, a person really has to actively move their mind forward too. How to do that? Well, it is an individual process and good luck figuring it out. How long will it take? Again, each person is different. In sticking with the analogy of the OP, your mind has to be the harpoon. (Please don't get me in trouble with Greenpeace, because I'm not talking slaughter here, just a few shrinkage harpoons, that's all!)

    To get my BC into the little fishbowl, it took another bigger, more ferocious cancer whale to breach into my life. Nothing makes you put a life-threatening disease out of your mind faster than an even worse life-threatening disease, unfortunately. Although ridiculously effective at diminishing almost all thoughts of BC, I cannot recommend this method to anyone.

    Besides getting the upper hand over cancer in your mind, try to get your body back to feeling as good as you possibly can. The better and healthier you feel, the easier it is to make BC a thing of the past. Getting a few clear scans really helps too. I am sorry if this post sounds kind of generic or vague. All I know is I am almost 6 years out from BC, and just over 2 years out from the other, and I feel pretty good. (*) I've got my two whales tamed, harnessed up, and I'm riding the waves on a huge clamshell, like the star attraction at Sea World!!!

    (*) That's not any drugs talking either. I'm not even Tamoxifed any more.



  • coraleliz
    coraleliz Member Posts: 1,523
    edited May 2015

    Mine's a mudskipper(an amphibious fish). I try to keep it in the aquarium but sometimes it likes to taunt me by walking around.

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/03/18/26C463C500000578-0-image-a-30_1426681808494.jpg

    I remember this fish from when my son was young & his fish phase ;)

  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited May 2015


    Kricket,   Honey, at this point in your dx you don't have a whale , You have a growling, biting, flesh eating brontosaurus . Without know any of the facts yet, the treatments, or which way you will go, you don't even know what to be afraid of. I hope this post comes across how I wanted it to, that I believe I understand what you are feeling and it will get better.

    Elimar: Sorry about the second beast being the tamer of the first beast. Your post was true , its what we want to do. Its what we will find a way.

    Coraliliz,   That is one ugly fish. ewwww

     

  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited May 2015

    Raidergirl- you always make me think, and ALWAYS (more importantly) make me laugh.

    My whale is still pretty big. I still have pain from the 12/14 bmx, and am in the middle of a 6 round course of chemo. I am happy to hear from others that the whale can undergo neoadjuvant treatment and shrink while we are working on it haha.

    I have loved reading everybody's great imagery.

    As for Komen, not only disappointed at how they spend the money. I realize their mission was more raising awareness in early years and I'm sure that drove some of the decisions to spend money on non-research marketing, advertising, etc. I think it's safe to say we're all pretty fucking aware now. So let's move on to new goals. Like research.

    Also disappointing were some very unfortunate corporate "partnerings" I've read about, like Kentucky Fried Chicken and Mike's Hard Lemonade. AYFKM? Not cool. Not setting the right tone. Unhealthy choices trying to whitewash their images t our expense, and on our time. So not cool

  • RaiderGirl
    RaiderGirl Member Posts: 419
    edited May 2015


    Jackbirdie

    My goal in life is to clown around with you guys.'

     

  • Kricket
    Kricket Member Posts: 12
    edited May 2015

    Thank you RaiderGirl! You described exactly what I have right now! I have never wanted a Monday (5/11) to come so quickly. Usually I live for a weekend. I want the weekend over so I can have my appointment with my surgeon and plastic surgeon! Which surgery do I choose? Will I need chemo or radiation? Also, Thank you Hopeful8201, it's great to know that I will have others that have experience this to help me through! I do know one thing...I am so lucky this was caught early!



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