How do you NOT think about recurrence every single day?

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pinkytuscadero
pinkytuscadero Member Posts: 3
edited May 2015 in Life After Breast Cancer

Hi, all. It's been a little over a year since my lumpectomy and radiation for left-breast DCIS. I'm faithfully taking my tamoxifen. My breast still hurts A LOT -- I can't lay on my stomach, and my 3-year-old always seems to be poking his elbows into that breast. (Ouch!) My medical oncologist says for some women the pain never goes away. Sigh.

I am deathly afraid of recurrence. It consumes me. I have two kids -- and I worry every day that I won't be around to watch them grow up. I'm functioning, but sometimes it's really hard. My husband is very supportive. He's been trying to get me to go into counseling. I think that's a good idea, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

I know in the grand scheme of things, I'm lucky. They caught it early and got it out. It wasn't invasive. I live in a city with world-class medical care. I have good health insurance.

I just can't shake this fear. I'd love any recommendations/advice. How do you deal with these feelings?

Thank you. Wishing you all good health and peace of mind.

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  • inks
    inks Member Posts: 746
    edited April 2015

    Pick up a new hobby or go back doing the things you loved. Kids and their activities should be a great distraction too. My 3yo is having her first recital. I believe counseling is more effective than medication but a lot of women take antidepressants or antianxiety meds too. Reading works for me too to keep mind off of things. Hugs. I hope it gets better for you.

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  • PoohBear-61
    PoohBear-61 Member Posts: 263
    edited April 2015


    Hi pinky .....I was very much in the same frame of mind as you are in now .......I can honestly say that i got out of the negative thought process by joining the "100 days  of gratitude thread ". it forced me everyday to find something I was grateful for and after a few days I started to feel better ...after a few weeks I was feeling even better and after the 100 days ( that I commited tooo ) I was back to myself .

    I committed to doing the 100 days of gratitude and promised my husband that I would not look at any other thread or any other web site on the internet ...try it .......!

    Its increditable what the power of gratitude can do .....we don't realize it but we have way more positive stuff going on in our lives than negative ....

     

    hugzzzHappy

    p.s cool name ... I loved pinky tuscadero!!!!

     

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  • jessica749
    jessica749 Member Posts: 429
    edited April 2015

    I think about recurrence every day. Sometimes it just flits in and out of my mind, and other times it dwells, frightens, occupies.

    I did go to therapy for a few months when I had some time but didn't find it helpful. I know that I need to focus on the present, the here and now, and make the most of each day because anything can happen to anyone and no one can guarantee anything or know when their time is up. I go through spells and sometimes when I really need to shake it my own therapy involves NOT VISITING these boards. But it's on my mind, so I find it helpful to (though everyone trying to 'cure' you of the anxiety tells you to STOP reading on the internet about it and going to message boards!!!)

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  • inks
    inks Member Posts: 746
    edited May 2015

    jessica - maybe coming to these boards is desensitising you to the worry about recurrence?

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  • grammakathy
    grammakathy Member Posts: 407
    edited May 2015

    Like Jessica, I had to remove the listings from my Favorite Topics. This got me off of the boards where people were having problems. I still check in the listing for the tamoxifen that I am taking. I also scan the listings in the Active Topics, and read those that interest me or I think I can help with. This helped shift me from waiting for the other shoe to drop. I also threw myself into projects that I have loved in the past. My extra thoughts head there now instead of cancer. Hugs to you! It all takes time for us to walk through this process.

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  • farmerjo
    farmerjo Member Posts: 518
    edited May 2015

    I've been pretty much moving on with my life, and wasn't really worried until several days ago: Anywhere from 15 to 60 minutes after eating I get nauseous; every single meal, regardless of size or substance. The nausea lasts several hours, goes away, I get hungry and eat - repeat. The only time in the past that I've had nausea is with a stomach bug. My gallbladder was removed 2010.

    The only changes have been adding pomegranate and flax seed oil supplements to my regimen about two weeks before the onset of symptoms.

    I will stop my supplements and hope I won't be calling my MO Monday.

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