Starting Chemo March 2015

Diane: Good luck today.

Amy: I am sorry you had a bad night. Take it easy today.

sending this from the chair. Here's what my hands look like from the Taxotere. The blistering is gone leaving just dead skin.

Amy my chemo buddy. Hope you have a peaceful and SE free day at the spa.

Hugs to everyone!

Katy, I am sorry to hear of your loss of your good friend. Derith sounds like she was a wonderful woman, who lived life on her own terms. Enjoy the bubbly in her honour.

Best wishes to those in the chair today.

I had my second thyroid biopsy yesterday (needle biopsy). They didn't get enough tissue to make a diagnosis the first time. Yesterday, the doc who did the biopsy was optimistic that they did get enough tissue, so hopefully I will know something soon. I am concerned, as they did say that there was some calcification present. I should have an answer by next week

Diane and Amy- thinking of you both today....Diane your poor hand. Can they give you anything preventative now they see for themselves?

Avmom- wishing you speedy and positive results on the biopsy. Thinking of you too.

Theresa- I wouldn't want to meet in public for the first time in 2 months. I'm afraid I would somehow explode or become very emotional. Especially if she intends to gloss over her no- show in your life since then. Maybe invite her for a coffee first. If she declines you have your answer. If she accepts I'd say you have a few things to work out before walking down the street fair together pretending nothing is wrong. Because. Something. Is. Very. Wrong. IMHO xoxo

Hugs to all for all the support on the loss of my friend.

So it's 98% comfirmed that we are moving back into our little rental house. I have mixed feelings on this. I love that house - it was the home my DH and I bought together 24 years ago. We lived there for 10 yr, his parents lived there for 7 (in exchange for free daycare) and then it turned into a rental after his folks moved on. Way too long of a story to tell but financially, it works better for us to sell the one we are in and move back to the old one. Part of me is sad...I like living in the country (I'm only 5 miles out of town but it feels like country!) but part of me feels like I'm going back home.

But oh man I don't want to go through the motions of 'moving'

Bekah

Theresa: I am going to vote for going with your friend. I feel like to write a friend off that is having trouble dealing with it is harsh. I have no idea what I would do in the situation your friend was in. I would hope I would be there. I sure the hell would NOW. But I have no idea what I would have done. I say give her another chance. I just think some people don't know WHAT to do. I just always think we should give them the benefit of any doubt and accept anything they CAN offer.

Bekah: It sounds like you have very mixed emotions. I hope it turns out to be a good thing. Is there someone who can help you with your move? Take full advantage if there is.

Here is my update on the heart situation: The doctor thinks it is likely not anything other than anxiety, which is certainly possible. I had a similar reaction (although not as bad) after my father died 21 years ago. Nevertheless, he put a heart monitor patch on me and is ordering another echo, which at the end of the day, is really all he CAN do at this point. He did say dehydration can be a factor and i know I am not anywhere close to drinking 64 ounces a day. I just can't….look at that much water. When he was explaining to me that normally they don't do another echo because of cost factors, I was surprised that he did order it but happy that he didn't let prohibitive cost play a role in the decision. Our company self insures so every time they order an expensive test I think, good, we are getting back at them for the amount of money they cost us when they axed our pension last year.

Avmom: I am sorry I somehow missed your post. I hope it comes back all ok and gives you peace of mind.

Amy love your idea about Jack in my lap. Furry Friends does visit infusion every other Wed but only in teams. I purposely chose Thursday so I wouldn't come home after leaving him for 8 hours smelling like another dog. Cheating!!!!

Also that would be a long time for Jack without a pee break (or mental health break) and I couldn't take him out the 3 flights up to outside attached to my pole Haha. We always have a wonderful reunion when I get home. He's smart. I think he gets it.

and PS Amy, so sorry you are having those worries. I think every time I have a side cramp I worry. I think we all must. Scans to rule out will give you peace of mind. I had PT/CT before treatment as a baseline and to rule out. Sometimes insurance doesn't like to pay so I'm glad your mo agreed. He'll fight for you. While you are doing treatment you're keeping the fuckers at bay.

And I did have a nice toast to Derith (and felt guilty about the alchohol). I woke up feeling less pain on my surgery site ( all over where the PT is working on the scar tissue). The first thought that popped into my mind is Derith was trying to help me from the other side take some of the pain away. I cried.

I understand, Katy.

I think that is a sweet thought about your friend helping with your pain.

I now worry about every pain. I had an unusual bout of pain in my lower abdomen and my 'cancer-free' breast. I am still not convinced they are not cancer.

Bekah, I understand about moving being a trauma. My DH and I lived in our first house for 10 years, and moved into our current house over 22 years ago. I can still remember how much disruption I felt, and that's a looong time ago. Maybe you could arrange for lots of help moving? Is ther a moving service that could do a "door to door" arrangement, so you don't have to do much?

Katy, Theresa and Trvler, thanks for your good wishes. My MO "doesn't think" the thyroid nodules are Breast cancer mets, but he foes acknowledge that it could be thyroid cancer. What, did I somehow get the two for one bonus from the cancer lottery? On the plus side, my MO assures me that the common thyroid cancers are highly curable, and that the hard to treat thyroid cancers are relatively (like 10% or so?) rare. That's not as reassuring to me, as my triple negative Breast cancer is also "relatively rare". I admit waiting for results is hard, though.

Trvler, I'm glad your doc is looking into your heart issue. I've only had one echocardiogram, but my treatment team Asks me a number of very specific questions about my heart every infusion cycle. I appreciate your comment about your company self insuring, and the cost of tests and treatment, but I doubt that I can truly understand. For me, the only real economic cost of this horrible disease has been my inability to continue working (which is enough of a problem on its own). Our provincial health care system includes almost everything - office visits, diagnostic testing, chemotherapy, surgery, hospital stays, reconstruction, etc. My cancer centre calls me to arrange appointments, and I just have to show up. I never even see a bill.

Drugs administered in hospital are included in standard health coverage, but supportive drugs including prescriptions you fill at a pharmacy are not included unless you have separate extended coverage, which you have to pay a nominal premium for (unless you have very low income). I know someone who has very low income who has been in cancer treatment, and she phoned me a couple of times to tell me to keep track of mileage, and receipts for parking, because she actually received reimbursement for those costs.

I'm very thankful for not having to navigate any extra financial issues, and admire those of you who have a massive paperwork and financial burden, in addition to all of your other concerns.

Best wishes for a healing day to all.

Bekah, do yourself a favor and get a mover. You SOOO deserve it (or, maybe Theresa can make runs on her bike!)

Hi Trvler. There is a big perception that waiting times can be very long. I do know that there can be some long waits for treatment for things that could be considered "elective" - things that have consequences for your quality of life, but aren't life threatening. Some of those can be a burden. My DH will need hip replacement someday (osteoarthritis in his hip joint) and he had to wait a number of months to see an orthopaedic surgeon. On the other hand, he probably won't need that surgery for at least a couple of years, and he has met his surgeon on, so he won't have to wait.

For something life threatening like Breast cancer, my personal experience has been that I've had good, and quick, access to treatment. My PCP fit me in after hours on one day's notice, and he got me into an imaging lab for mammogram and ultrasound the next day. I met my Breast surgeon about doing an excision biopsy one week later, and the biopsy was done the week after that. I met my surgeon on January 7 when the biopsy results were available, and was in pre-op clinic meeting with the anesthesiologist the next morning, with my mastectomy being done on the 13th. It did take almost 2 weeks for the biopsy path report, but that was over the holiday season. I did have to wait a couple of weeks to meet my MO, but when my MO ordered an MRI, it was scheduled within 6 days, and my repeat biopsy was also scheduled in under a week.

Access to reconstruction can be another story - again, a quality of life issue rather than treatment of life threatening disease. I know that the wait time for reconstruction can be long, depending on where you live, based on the availability of reconstructive surgeons, but I have a consultation booked for the end of May. As long as I don't end up having to do radiation, it looks like I will be able to have my prophylactic mastectomy and bilateral reconstruction in August, 6 to 8 weeks after I finish chemo. In some places, I have heard that reconstruction surgeons can involve a wait of over a year. It isn't perfect, by any means, and I have done some research into where to request referrals to go, in order to speed things up. It means I travel around a bit, but, for me, so far I haven't had any significant issues with access to care.

WP "I'm feeling super lonely today. I remember talking to a woman who was on the same regimen as me about the cold caps before I started chemo, and she told me that cancer is a lonely disease. She was so right. Because even though there are people who want to help and to listen and try to "fix" things, they can't. And ultimately, we're the only ones going through this - mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's not an easy thing to endure."

I have felt this a lot, too. I know exactly what you mean.