34 year old wife just diagnosed

Real quick reply as I have to get to the chiropractor - wait til you have more information before you tell the kids. They will need support and knowledge (appropriate to each ones age). Not having information as to what is going on AND what will be done to handle it is very important. Young minds can 'run' to all sorts of scary 'places' when presented without explainations as to what is going on and how it is going to be handled in a positive manner.

jmute, we are happy that you have found our community. We suggest you take one day at a time, take a breath, and understand the steps. Here is an article from our site on talking to your children:10 tips for talking to kids

Here is a page about invasive breast cancer, and the different classifications: Invasive breast cancer

In situ means, early cancer that has not spread into nearby tissue.

Please keep us posted.

Warmly,

The Mods

I also feel that right now is probably the scariest time. You don't have all the information about her tumor/treatment plan. Definitely wait to tell your children until you have more information on her type of breast cancer and a treatment plan in place. This way you can answer their questions much more thoroughly and set their minds at ease. I know that the loss of your friend will be fresh in their minds, but you can ease their fears through knowledge. I waited to tell my kids until I had that information for them and it really helped them cope with it. Your kids are stronger than you know. Just be very open and honest. Good luck!

My initial diagnosis included both invasive ductal carcinoma and in situ. The sample was in situ. They really don't have a final diagnosis until the full lump was examined post lumpectomy. It turned out I had a rare type of invasive ductal carcinoma - mucinous which is not very aggressive.  It is so hard to wait as the diagnosis evolves. This is the worst time since you can imagine all the possibilities. I wish you both the best.

jmute - if you look at the signature lines of many who post here you will see a combination of in situ cancers - DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ - meaning contained within the duct) or LCIS (lobular carcinoma in situ - meaning contained within the lobules or milk glands) and invasive components of those same cancers - IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma - the most common type) or ILC (invasive lobular carcinoma).  This is very common, and the link above in the moderator's post explains the differences in types.  I second waiting to tell your children - and also not necessarily telling them together - the information appropriate for your oldest may not be the same for the youngest.  You know your children best and should judge how much to tell them, but having answers for their questions is best - so I would personally wait until you have a treatment plan in place and can assure them of what the problem is and how it will be handled. 

 

 

Another vote for waiting to tell your kids. I am sorry about your wife's diagnosis. It is a emotionally wrenching time. I am glad you have found this resource. It is a godsend. I have two girls 9 and 11. I waited about a month before I told them. I wanted to have a plan in place, although it took longer to get the plan in place so I just had to tell them. If you have a plan in place or at least know what you are dealing with, you can better reassure them. But please don't rush into a plan. Do you know how big the tumor is? In most cases, you have time to research. So many women want that cancer out NOW and don't do enough research into doctors and procedures. (IMO) I went to a very well regarded breast surgeon the day I found out and I didn't agree at all with his approach. I saw 3 more breast surgeons before I found one I felt I was comfortable with and agreed that he was taking my concerns into account. I wish you and your wife the best. Please send her here if she needs support. We are here for both of you.

Grade should be noted on the biopsy sample, however grade sometimes changes when pathology is done on the surgically removed mass, as tumors are not homogenous.  Staging is done after surgery as it is based on size, location and nodal status.  You are sometimes offered a "clinical stage" based on imaging prior to surgery, but that is not written in stone as imaging is not foolproof.

jmute - most breast cancers - other than highly aggressive types - have been in place and growing for years before they are detected.  Many of us have had imaging miss things, biopsies be inconclusive, been relegated to "watch and wait", etc.  It is more common than people think.  Generally speaking, a few months are not likely to make a lot of difference, and I am sure I speak for all when I say I hope this was caught early as well.  It is unsettling to have a second type of cancer diagnosis and your wife is quite young, there is actually a thread on this site for those with multiple types of cancer.

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/142/topic/819406?page=4#post_4348943

Fantastic news! Congrats. Cheryl

Jmute-

A second opinion is always a good idea! We hope she can get seen, and that the news is what you both want to hear. You're in our thoughts!

The Mods