Starting Chemo March 2015

Ninja Mary, this one's for you.

So I spent several hours today looking for just the right F charm. I was dubious of most, and since I was so happy with the quality of the 3 charms I have from this one vendor, I decided to call her.

Me: can you make me an "F" in the same approximate size and quality as my others? I dont want to ruin the "charm" of my bracelet with something inferior.

Vendor: sure! I totally understand. Smart choice. But your name starts with a K. Is that for you husband or boyfriend?

Me: No. "F" is for cancer. And I may be coming back for the rest of the alphabet soon!

Vendor: (after pregnant pause) oh...I'm so sorry....

Me: I do so love to "F" with people.

when this shit sandwich is done let's rent a big house on the beach somewhere.

We can walk and talk and say bad words n shhhttttt..

We can have a bonfire on the beach. Make s'mores.

We can tell ghost and horror stories (those would be from our recent experiences)

I will cook that meal!

And any other requests.

This could really happen

We're glad you're trolling Katy..you're like our security director/cruise director and sometimes our Dean of Student Affairs! I love the idea of a great big house on the beach. We could totally do that! I am going to sleep thinking of our someday healthy reunion. So glad you got a hold of Sharon and I was happy to hear from Theresa too. Sleep well ladies xoxo

Never heard of extra virgin coconut oil? It's either virgin cold pressed or virgin expeller-pressed. Or just plain old coconut oil but that's not the good stuff. I buy the Tropical Traditions Gold Virgin Cold Pressed by the gallon and I use it for almost everything!

Usually extra-virgin is used to describe olive oil but I could have missed something {shrug}.

I know this house. Stones throw from two beaches and the dock. Whale watching.

Sleeps 10 $200 night. $20 pp. I'd sleep in a bunk.or share a bed for that!

http://www.vrbo.com/183897

Ha! I feel like I should get honorary doctorates in pharmacy, nuclear medicine, and pathology when this is all over. I'm pretty sure I've paid for them already

theresa, I've always heard that when your fingertips get shriveled it can be from dehydration. Are you drinking enough water?

I also read somewhere, maybe even on this thread, that you need 1 1/2 times more protein when you're on chemo. I've noticed that I've been craving protein so maybe there's some truth to that. I'm vegetarian but I've added fish since starting chemo and I've been eating lots of Greek yogurt and eggs. I haven't had any nausea so with the steroids I've basically been eating constantly.. I'm afraid of what the scale will say when I see my MO next week!

Katy - sign me up for the get-together! I think it sounds wonderful! I can hardly wait to take a real vacation since most of what we do is camping, fishing, etc. around here or visiting family in MN. Last summer we did not go anywhere and this summer will be the same since I'll be tied down here 5 days a week for radiation.

The past two days I was too crushed by the fatigue truck to post but today has been much better. The Neulasta back pain is starting to sneak in but I've found that if I can just keep moving I can keep it at bay for now. I walked for a good hour today and then went for another shorter walk this evening.

Sue, I had a score of 20 for my oncotype as well. I have IDC, 2.1 cm, Grade 2, Ki67 of 50%, 42 years old, 2 young kids, and my MO recommended chemo since it improved my chances by 5 - 7%. I was definitely in the gray zone but I just knew I couldn't live with myself (or maybe literally not live) if I didn't do chemo and it came back. If it comes back anyway, I know I've done all that I can at this point in time.

Someone brought up periods. I've been so very "lucky" to get mine twice now during my worst SEs. I think this is it, though, since this 2nd one is early, heavy, and surprisingly without cramping (at least one good thing!). Chemopause is coming. So not going to miss my period! One of the perks of all of this crap, IMO.

Sharon - I agree. It is like everyone trivializes things if you look like you feel well even though you've been going through hell. The secretary from my school brought over a meal today and was amazed at how good I looked. I felt so guilty that I looked like I felt great since I know how hard she worked to make an amazing homemade meal. I don't feel terrible today like I have the last couple of days but I don't feel great either. It is taking all of my energy just to get through the day with my girls while they are on spring break without biting their heads off (steroids make me so irritable!) that supper is the last thing on my mind. Yesterday I actually slept in a chair at the library just so I could get the girls out of the house and entertained for a bit (really hope I didn't snore!). Today we did the park. I can manage a few things a day so having meals has been awesome. It allows me to be a mom. I know my secretary gets that, but I just feel bad.

I don't have prune fingertips but my hands look like they have aged a million years. Like elephant skin. I get neuropathy, too, so my feet and hands are freezing and numb while the rest of me is hot.

Time to take some more Pepcid. Heartburn is returning. Damn SEs.

I would love to go to Oregon!! That house looks amazing!

I can certainly related to the "you look good" comments being pretty annoying and almost making me feel guilty. It would really annoy me if someone asked what I was doing to keep busy. Really? I would probably like to say something like "vomiting" or "just busy fighting cancer. No big deal." I try to remind myself that people are not sure what to say. Still annoys me. I vividly remember get my biopsy--not a fun experience--and the nurse telling me how brave I was, I was such "a trooper" and handled the pain so well. I kept thinking how she must tell others that...or I kind of wanted to ask her "really? How do others handle this? Do they scream the whole time?" I didn't feel brave. I was scared as hell!

I've recently started thinking about taking more time off work. I'm lucky to work in a school so my summer "break" is coming up. I've been finding it very hard to keep up with my work load and concentrate at work. It gets me very frustrated which leads to feeling depressed. When I share how hard some days are for me I often get people trying to normalize how I feel. They say, "oh I forget things too" or " I feel like I can't finish things either." I don't feel the same and I hate that. I can't explain the chemo fog to other people. Even my own family. So people think I'm doing great and I feel guilty taking time off work and accepting meals. Cancer sucksin so many ways.

NurseJules and Carrie-On the subject of work, it's always been so much of who I am. I am the one people come to for a plan and for guidance but lately I just don't feel like I have much to offer. I'm also less empathetic when some of our frequent flyers "whine" a little more than is tolerable to me at the moment. I too have been thinking about taking more time off work. I guess a part of me doesn't want them to see how well they could do without me! Jules, you have a tough shift and lots of responsibilities. I think you'll know when you need to cut down more, just listen to yourself.

My family keeps saying I look so good and I should just rock the bald head thing but none of them have shaved their heads cause it's such a "rockin" thing to do....I know they mean well.

Diane too funny about no others rockin the bald look. I'm not sure I will even do it in my house, I think my head looks hideous😁 here is my beautiful short cut from last Friday with a new cap a girlfriend gave me. Then last night I could not take the shedding anymore so I brushed it all out now it's small bits everywhere,like fuzz. I have two wigs, one not too happy with will need it restyled. I think I'll wear the other which is very short and the cap today.

It's a beautiful day in PA, low 60s but sunny. We have soccer and a party,not sure I'm up for socializing but... I know people will say you look great yada yada, hate that also!

I'd be in for a get together at the beach, dreamt about one last night😀. after this cancer shit I'm taking a vacation. Haven't been on a real vaca in over 3 years, we did a disney cruise for dh 50th. My goal is to cruise on all of their ships, have one more to go and I'm doing disney world as I haven't been there in over 6 years. Time flies and then you get cancer😛

With regards to work - I'm self employed with a small children's party business. I've put it on hold right now as I'm just not up to everything that's involved with being self employed and I'm not all up beat as I need to be with kids. I also work as a sub in an elementary school doing office, library, recess etc but I'm not sure I want to be around little kids at least not so many. I do miss it though. I'm fortunate I have a friend who gives me his office work and he's flexible with hours and it's under the table. I was at a point last year that I began thinking about what my next phase of life was to be, go back to school for an MBA, go for a teaching certificate, go into nursing, get a full time job in the nonprofit segment(past work) or ??? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up😉 now I feel as beating cancer is my next phase and then I'll worry about working after I kick it's ass!