"Telling" - how did you decide who to tell, when, and how?

I was just recently diagnosed with IDC, not DCIS, but thought I'd reply. I'm kinda telling people on a need-to-know basis. Definitely not going the Facebook-announcement route

So far I've told my husband, closest family members, my managers, my direct staff, and a few other people I work with directly, a handful of close friends and my attorney. I have a few more friends I want to tell, but I'm in no hurry. I'm already starting to see the various ways people handle hearing the news, that will inform who and when I tell going forward.

The wife of one of my staff - I'd never met her - brought me flowers. Conversely, a good friend who is a coworker of my husband's practically ran in the other direction when my husband mentioned it to their boss at work, and he hasn't been in touch since. People are weird.

If I were to do over, I would have kept it way more private at work. People think they are being comforting when they make silly comments (especially with DCIS if they feel close enough to you to tell you how lucky you are it's not worse). I wish only my supervisor knew in hindsight even tho I am close to a few ladies there

whoever, you tell whether family or friends. It, will change how they look at you...so, one will have to deal with that...it can be good or bad...but you will be forever changed.....good luck in your journey....there is no right or wrong way to do this...Liz

Hi, interesting post. I just told my two sisters, my best friend (who lives out of state) and my husband and one 18 year old daughter. The other daughter, who is away at college I chose not to tell for now. My parents do not know, they live also out of state. Once I hear my treatment plan, I will probably tell them but have prolonged it because I don't want them stressing out over me. I just told the people I felt should know. Also a friend of many years who we keep in touch only by occasional facebook messaging. She had breast cancer in 2011 and I actually felt better after emailing her because she handled it very well and doesn't even think about it I am a private person to begin with, and frankly it has been hard just dealing with nurses, Dr.s and other professionals on the phone etc. I find them to be "overly sweet" and it is hard to take at times. I think it depends on your personality as to how many people you want to know.

I ended out joining Facebook right before my surgery and it ended out being a great thing. Between family, mine and my hubbys work and friends, it made it easier on my hubby who was my primary caregiver. He had enough on his plate taking care of me and 2 teenage boys. Lots of people were calling often once my diagnosis got out there, very sweet and considerate, but sometimes we could not return phone calls, etc. Plus, I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings if someone got information before them. So Facebook was helpful, then everyone else I put their names in a mass email. I had another friend diagnosed with a different kind of cancer and I set up a "carepages" for her and that was a godsend for her. Carepages is also awesome since she needed physical help with her recovery and there is a way to set up care taking times , bringing food over times, etc besides being able to post updates. Just some ideas, hope they help.

Anna

I'm a stay-home mom, but my DH told work right away. They were amazing. We kind of had to tell them because I showed up at his work right after I got the news and I was a visible train wreck. EVERYONE saw. DH works for a government department. We have experienced an outpouring of care, concern and lenience so I'm not sorry for how that went down. Immediate family we told right away. I am religious and we wanted prayers and blessings. At church we only told leadership. We told no one else until we had all of our details and ducks in a row because we didn't want to be answering the same questions over and over with "I don't know yet". Once I got a full picture, I made a secret facebook site for family and close friends who were brought into the picture by us personally. We didn't want to have to constantly answer phonecalls and repeated questions. The facebook thing allowed me to share progress, feelings and details in a more controlled way. When it was time to lose my hair, I let anyone and everyone know.

I was nervous, and I didn't want pity, but in the end I was glad I told people. I was amazed and touched at how many people stepped up to help. Something else nice came of it too. People thanked me for sharing my journey with them. Some just felt like I made them important in my life and they appreciated that. Some were grateful because they didn't know what it was like to go through something like this and I helped them understand so they could have more empathy for others. Still others just felt comforted in knowing that they weren't alone in having struggles in life. I am always grateful when someone shares their troubles with me, so why wouldn't I share with them? We can all help carry each other along that way.

I don't know if that last paragraph fits with the original question but it felt right to add that. I do have a few friends who suffered through more quietly than I did, who now wish that they had been more open. Good luck with whatever path you decide upon. I'm not sure there is right or wrong in this, only what makes you feel like you can get through.

Love your train of thought Curlykat.