Stupid comments ....

jilly59... I'm sorry; I went through the same with my sister. She came to visit me, briefly, after my surgery then... nothing. No calls, no nothing. So I called her about half-way through chemo. She was going through a difficult time with her ex-husband and one of her sons at the time, and - immediately - launched into a tirade about how much her life sucked and that I couldn't possibly understand how difficult life was.

Really? I was terrified, thin, bald, weak, and very shakey emotionally and I COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH LIFE SUCKED?!!?

I was gobsmacked. Then, when we were saying our goodbyes at the end of the call, she said, "... oh, by-the-by, how are you feeling..." (Like shit, how do you think I feel?)

Needless to say, I've slowly phased her out of my life. It's just better that way.

Jilly59

I too get told that I'm "cured" since my breasts are gone. At first, I tried explaining to them but then I'd notice their eyes glaze over and I finally realized that all they want to hear is "yes, I am cured". It's like when people ask, "how are you?" and all they really want to hear is "fine". Sigh. I truly believe the only people who understand are the ones who have had cancer.

This is a great thread!

When I confided in a close relative that I was scared about recurrence and worried about only getting physical clinical exams for surveillance, I was told, " Stop borrowing trouble, if it comes back it comes back, nothing you can do about it". OUCH!

I guess I just "borrowed" my cancer. sigh

Hopeful: I know, right! I wish I could give it back:)

jilly - I'm not being followed with any scans or bloodwork either...makes me nervous, too!

gingercake - I also agree with you that only those who have had cancer can understand. A previous manager of mine was talking about her friend who had surgery for breast cancer last summer and she seemed impatient with her that she was worried about a recurrence. She did the whole "she's cured" thing. I kind of cringed when she was saying it but didn't say anything. Maybe I should have, but it just seemed like it would be awkward.

kayb - I think you are right and that these tests do sometimes come down to the choice of the individual doctor. My MO also did not recommend Tamoxifen for me, but I see a lot of other stage 1a ladies on these boards who are taking it because they are ER+. On one hand, I also get a little nervous not taking it, but on the other, I am very happy to not be taking it. I had 4 tiny invasive tumors...largest was 3mm, smallest was .8mm. The MO said there is not a lot of data on tumors that small and what happens with them so I think I didn't fall into any category that required any specific tests. I was a little startled when at my 6 month check up with the BS he made some comment about scans and then said how insurance wouldn't pay for it for a lower stage patient. That seemed a little crazy to me if that is the reasoning behind not doing it. I would hope that wouldn't be the determining factor, but I do know it was a challenge getting the MRI done, even with my doctor talking to the doctor at the insurance company. I will also be curious to see what is done at my 1 year check-up. I hope the nurse doesn't ask me again when my last mammo was - that was a little weird at my 6 month check considering I had a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction. I would think there wouldn't be anything to squish!

MombieZombie - Yes, as I was typing the nurse's question, I thought the same thing...it was really STUPID and definitely goes with this thread!

I've already decided I will say something to her about it if she asks me again in July!

Good to keep a sense of humor about these things. But I feel a little righteous anger too. They should be looking at your chart and being sensitive. I am always thinking, "why are you asking me that when it's in my chart?"

I only had lumpectomy but I dread the mammos because my tumor was deep and low. The tech has to use two hands and tug and tug my breast into the machine. I have to remind them that the darn thing doesn't come off!! I think they forget there's a person attached when they have to concentrate like that. This whole process often leaves us feeling like a piece of meat under scrutiny.

I agree with Nat--you need a witty come back if you are ever asked that again.

I still like my lady at church that wanted me to show her where my tumor was. People just don't think. It makes me hope that I've never done something gauche like that in years past.

I'm an IT system administrator. It really irritates me when someone throws up their hands and says something is written into the software and there's no way to override it. Computers aren't independent thinkers - people programmed those computers to spit out those reminders, and people can go right back into the programming and create a filter in the software so the reminders don't go to someone with a BMX noted in their records. If that's too much trouble, Mombie is on the right track too - it may be possible to do a workaround by entering a bogus date or something similar.

Anything can be done with software if someone cares enough to put their mind and effort to it. Computers aren't uncontrollable entities - we tell them what to do, and we can tell them what not to do.

That's why we need more women in IT!!!!

Hi Natsfan, not sure if that is the #1 for Doctors, or if "that is not a side effect from chemo" should be #1.

Maybe we should write a Top Ten list of things Doctors say, but it would be way longer than 10 things!

I had a nasty rash right after my first TC infusion and the oncology nurse told me it was Athlete's Foot.....in my cleavage and decolletage no less! I just laughed at her and walked off. Fortunately I didn't have this reaction with subsequent infusions, but I am sure that this was an allergic skin reaction to the chemo.

MsP

Beach--True! I think the docs come to a point where if it's not in their book of listed side effects, then it must be something else. I can handle sometimes being told that it's not the chemo, the meds, the radiation cream, whatever, but I hate it when they insist that they know what other thing IS causing it. That nurse and I had a funny chat over those bumps. The whole time, if I was talking, I referred to the rash and her replies would insistently be using the word bug bites. It was like a test of wills with each of us looking each other in the eye to see who would cave in.

You keep right on rattling off that list. It's quite impressive and you have earned the right to wear it as a badge of courage. Military people get purple hearts. Maybe we should get a purple something? A purple boob? Too weird? LOL

I'm stuck in bed feeling beyond lousy today. You are making me laugh. I like your way of thinking!!