Starting Chemo March 2015

My sister came to hang out with me for a little while during infusion.

Hi all. I stayed home from work today and tried to hide in bed. My head was buzzing/tingling and this pm the hair started coming out. Pretty lightly right now but it's really going.

My daughter is here to "help out" but is working pretty much all the time and when I had the nerve to tell her I was feeling a little sad that she couldn't run a short errand with me but as soon as I returned she's on her way out the door. She can get explosive like her father but she's a good girl and damn hard worker. We just always seem to butt heads. I'm going to keep how I really feel about what's happening to myself or this thread...other people just don't seem to get it and I understand that. I just have to think about what I need right now and I need to not feel like such an island. I'm also growing a little weary of the people I haven't heard from in forever, calling me up after hearing I've got the big C.  They want to "catch up" ask a lot of personal questions about the BC which I freely answer...and then nothing. Curiosity satisfied I guess.

I won't apologize for whining, as agreed. I need this group of women so badly right now. I know I get carried away talking about things I did in the past. I need that now too because my kids are grown, my marriage is what it is and the year of Diane has turned into the year to endure.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for every kind word no matter how small. It means the world to me.

Dianne - your post has truly touched me and I am praying for you (hope you don't mind). I know how you feel and it doesn't matter what time of the day you ask me - I'll have some SE that I could tell you about or something that I could use a hand with. But people don't want to hear that...they want to hear the positive and ignore the negative and that's ok. We don't get to ignore the negative and that's just our current burden in life.

You need the memories of good times to get you through this. Your daughter is struggling too so just realize that kids (at any age) will have their own way of dealing with an ill parent.

Many virtual hugs and real prayers for you chemo sister!

Bekah

Diane- I see you. You are in my heart. Put fresh sheets and a snuggly blankie on your private room in your special place. Wish I could lift you up.

Bekah: Your sister is pretty, too!

I hear ya Diane....Cancer just plain sucks and make us feel isolated.I know I am not alone because I have awesome support from family and friends. I am still just so thankful for this forum because, like you said, the women here truly understand. I can barely type this without sobbing. Hugs to you.

Bekah,

That's such a gorgeous pic, and it swept me far away for a minute.

I'm 2 days post chemo #2 tonight. The chemo bus is definitely trying to plow me down, but I'm trying hard to keep up. I go for fluids tomorrow at noon, so I hope it helps.

The fatigue, chemo fog, chills, and cold spells are already here, and I've had GI upset all day again. Let me tell you - the docs that tell you to try you ignore the fatigue have clearly never been through chemo!

Indygal- sorry you're being overwhelmed. Yes the fatigue is what gets me the most. You really can't fight it. I've tried some imagery of just rolling with the swells. Like in a boat.

Update on my rash. It is much better, but they looked at it, and at my pic from a couple of days ago and are thinking yeast. So he called in a script.

Baby whites at 1.4 today. About the same as last time chemo + one week. I have swollen glands and kind of a sore throat so I've thrown the towel in for the day. I'm emotionally stable, and I credit my neice's company and all the many things she has done to make me feel loved and comfy.

Wishing everyone a good night.

How are you feeling after your infusion, Bekah? I am glad you are enjoying your lovely yard and dog.

So far, so good. I have passed the 3-hr mark where it hit me the first time. Just a headache and fatigue right now. No nausea but I took the meds to prevent it so I guess they're working!

I'm just going to lay low and let this nasty poison do it's job.

I'm sure I'll be back to report if anything pops up...

When I was diagnosed w BC I was unemployed. Ironically, I am a cancer researcher. I got my PhD in Cellular & Molecular Pathology in 2011 and have been doing cancer research since 2003 while in school. I loved my work, but found so many parts of it frustrating. I've been unemployed for 1.5 years - quitting a very good job in 2013 because my boss was a demeaning jerk & I hit my limit. This whole me having cancer thing has me thinking about what I really want to do (yes, I know we need committed people to do the research if we will find a cure - that's not the issue).

Many folks recur, cancer & its treatments have long-lasting effects, tamoxifen for much years sounds like no picnic as well. I went into BC with a long history of depression. I feel like this is a wake-up call to find myself. Anyone else rethinking life in general?

Baby whites at 8.5, so Neulasta is definitely working for me which is awesome so I can continue to see my grandkids. Nurse checked me out, said I am a poster child for chemo, keep doing whatever I am doing. The only side effect I had this round was the nasty mouth and a few scabs on my head.

Wish we could all sit down together somewhere around a fragrant fire and share stories. The little glimpses into everyone's lives just makes me want more. It could be possible for at least the West Coast people to get together at some point, which would be awesome. Maybe once we finish chemo so we can all enjoy a glass of wine or a beer and share stories.

Diane, your dogs are gorgeous. Just let those two big babies slobber and love all over you. There is nothing like the love of an animal. They don't care if you have hair or feel bad, they love you no matter what.

Dawnzdreams I lost my hair day 21. Washed it and combed half of it out with one swoop. Then buzzed it. I still have duck down everywhere, strange. Wonder when or if I will be completely bald.

Just did a 4 mile beach walk, and I have to say that living by the ocean is amazing.

With two weeks to go until next chemo round, I agree with Bekah - feeling happy and blessed!

Except for my mother and family in Chicago who find me an endless sort of gossip and have made up some of the craziest stories. But that is another day to post about!

Italychick- I quite agree. You are the poster child! So happy you got in a nice beach walk and that you are, like Bekah, feeling blessed. I am totally DOWN for a West Coast reunion. What a dream it would be to have everyone! We must number over 40 now, with our most recent "club members".

I'm a bit jealous of your baby whites. I was at 1.4 today. Being obnoxious about hand washing, obsessive about doorknobs.

Michele- I'm keeping mine crossed also that your fever stays down. Sounds like a rough crossing indeed. I will be thinking of you and sending a warm hug and my most positive energy to you now

I'm around day 22 or 23? (Please don't make me do math.Or, yanno, count. LOL!) My hair's holding on. Looks kinda mangy because I have baldy patches and spots where it's thinned. I still have a fair amount of it, though. I'm shedding, but not in clumps. Doesn't hurt, exactly, but boy, does it ever irritate the snot out of me.

The pervading side effect for me has been fatigue. Every day is different levels of being flattened by the fatigue truck. I'm now officially into my good week, when I have more energy, but even so, something as simple as going to the market feels like a marathon ordeal. I have an energy budget now and coping strategies (for example, working in the mornings when I have the most oomph). I know it could be a lot worse, so much worse, so I try to focus on that.

Neverthought, our laundry room and pantry are downstairs and I've definitely curtailed extra trips up & down, some days prodding the fam to fetch & carry for me. It's not just my legs, though. All of me feels wiped out and listless. Everything, toes to earlobes, is full-out exhausted. That's why I'm so strict about my energy budget, though. I'm becoming extremely good at prioritizing. I'm no martyr. Whatever doesn't make the top of my list will just have to be handled by someone else. If I want to have the energy for X, then energy-sucking Y simply isn't going to happen. I mothballed my Superwoman cape for 2015 and outright refuse to beat myself up over what I can't do.