Starting Chemo March 2015

Hello Ladies.. Checking in 4 days out from my first round of A/C  I have been reading and my heart goes out to everyone struggling!  I so want to hug each one of you! This is the worst of times and we will pull through by reading and ranting here!

This first one wasn't so bad for me.  Thursday was the day and Thurs night was a bit nauseous and I think the phenagren and the steroid were fighting each other but I did sleep.  I took Friday off from work and really just layed around.  I just rested.  Sat and Sunday I made it to the ballpark to see all my boys games.  I took lots of naps here and there and was in bed for 8pm each night.  The only thing I can compare the way I felt was like I was just getting over being sick.  I wasn't sick but didn't feel quite right.  Still feel like that today but I am back at work and plan to hit the gym tonight if I can.  My biggest thing so far is food aversion.  I literally have to make myself eat.  I have zero interest.  I know I need to keep my strength up but unless someone puts a plate of food in my face I am not searching it out.  Anyone on 3 week A/C?  Does your appetite come back at all?

Now that the first one is down (15 more to go!) I am just waiting for the dreaded hair fall.  That's when I think the depression, moodiness will hit for me.  Right now I look fine.........Not for long.... 

Leigh,

My hair started falling out on Friday. It was painful and a pain in the ass. I wrapped my head in a scarf and had my stylist shave me on Sunday. For some reason I felt 100x better once it was all gone. I do miss my hair (my old healthy hair), but I guess no hair will be the new normal for me.Losing my eyebrows is going to be the big deal. I have a hard enough time putting make-up now and now I have to add eyebrows to the normal regime.

PS...ladies...I'm a huge swearer. I can't help it.So I apologize in advance for any curse words. Working in the construction industry makes swearing too easy and just a normal part of the day.

Are we not supposed to swear? Rut-ro. If I slip up, I apologize in advance, as I'm positive it'll happen. If it hasn't already.

Royalties have started streaming in so I ordered my purple dreds wig and the extra ego boosters from the TLC catalog just now, but still feeling blue. I've decided to just go with it. I don't have to be "up" all the time. It's allowed and definitely falls under the parameters of what I would consider a natural & rational response to current events. Especially this week. Wrapping up production on this next project so the big reveal (about the new book and my BC) will be this week. Unless something dire goes wrong, within days actually. Mr. Lumpy may be vamoosing, but the vile, nasty booger is taking my privacy with him. What a jerk. LOL. Stil, better to get ahead of any rumors, control the message. I'll feel better once that's done, I'm sure. Just a bummer-rama at the moment.

oh Bekah! Thinking of you. I know there's nothing I can say. A big, big, hug

Diane - I still have your little cozy room made up. I'm sorry you're going through hell. I hate the idea of all of this concentrated pain, torture, depression. When you said you read others' posts and think it could be yours, I realize anew the depths of your struggle.

Ugh on THAT comment, Indy. lol

Princess Karen- well done on the cash cow! Glad you had a bit of a spin with your cc. I'm sorry bc is taking away your privacy. I know it is imperative for you to have it to do your best at what you do. Nobody is watching me but Jack. But he knows. But I should imagine being the prey isn't much fun. A bunch of worried mini eagle eyes. Would be hard.

And NinjaMary- as our princess has said, I never got the memo on swearing. I have to say I lol'd and was going to try to put on my profile ER/PR/SWEARSLIKEASAILOR+++ . I'm terrible. I grew up with a salty ole sailor for a Dad and I just like how it sounds. Makes me laugh when someone turns a mfk$78)(n phrase just so. Ha! Got my first laugh of the day in.

You ladies are each and every one a lifeline to me. I hereby strike the word "whiner" from my vocabulary.

I'm day 5 chemo 2. My neice comes today. I'm so tired. Bone pain. Still have the mfg🐳 dmx pain. Every gd day. Never ever goes away and it's been 3 months.

And our dear SC Coqui Joanna- I can't imagine the loneliness you must feel being in that hospital room. Glad the vitals and wbc are improving. You must try to close your eyes and visualize all of us here in March chemo. Standing in a circle holding hands. You are in the middle of the circle. We are keeping the bad guys out. xoxo

Backatcha with a pic

Princess: Yeah for $$ coming in. I am sorry about the loss of privacy. I guard my privacy so I can understand that being hard on you. I am still on the fence about going public. I probably won't. But I understand your reasoning.

and Shaz- I've been sitting here trying very hard to say something right. To say the right thing. For you and for Bekah. I also think about you all the time. On top of the unfairness of the condition itself- to suffer constantly is beyond my comprehension. I wish you could have just even 24 hours of relief. But I can't find the right words. I'm sorry. I care, somehow, after knowing you such a short time, very deeply for you, and wish I could do something. I will continue to send my fiercest wishes for some relief. Any relief

It must be spring. I'm starting to shed.

It finally occurred to me as I was reading your posts, Katy, that I could hit the reply to post button as I read through the posts instead of reading everything and then trying to remember all the details at the end. I'm going to blame chemo brain since I can, even if it isn't true at this moment. For now, though, I am going to have to stick to my old (and ineffective method) of trying to remember because I've run out of time to be on my computer for now. Bekah, Sharon, those of you who also have SEs that are driving you crazy and making you miserable, and SC, I'm thinking of you today (and always) and wish some relief will come for you soon.

Had my daughter's 8th birthday party last night and it was tons of fun! We invited the "mommy group" over. This is the group of moms and their kiddos I met at a breastfeeding support group when I had my first daughter. The adults drank wine and the kids played until well after bedtime and I smiled more and laughed harder than I have in a long time.

how wonderful Amy to have some smiles and laughs. We all need them don't we? I say use the chemo brain card whenever effective. I've tried using that post a reply button but it still takes you to the bottom and then I have to scroll backup to find where Iwas responding. Can't win. Or maybe I just can't figure it out. Feeling pretty fuzzy.

My TE is not painful, just uncomfortable.

My arm and fingers on that side sometimes hurt or get numb, but this is probably from some nerve being pressed on, although the PS says it is caused by nerve damage from mastectomy.

It is not going to be major surgery, it will be outpatient, quick and easy, but still a surgery! I consider this a setback. Now instead of just looking forward to the end of chemo and resuming somewhat normal life until the exchange surgery in fall, I'll be looking forward to the end of chemo so I can have revision surgery. At least I won't pay for it out of my pocket, because I already met my out of the pocket maximum for the year. Still, not happy.

Thanks for all your kind words. I feel better emotionally this morning. Might have been lack of sleep that brought it to a head but it felt good to vent.

Physically...meh. I'm still tired, can't focus my thoughts well, and have intermittent bone pain but I managed to get my sorry arse out of bed and go to work. What do I find when I get there? A patient with early symptoms of a stomach bug...good thing I read the chart notes before I went in so I could maskup!