Another oncology check up, another episode of PTSD

Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited March 2015 in ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)

Dear ILC sisters,

I have another "routine" check up tomorrow; already got my lab work done and am sweating the results that will be shared tomorrrow...just worried about it, of course. I doubt I'll ever see them as routine, and this time can't help but think of my close friend who mentored me through BC, offering her own experience with the disease, who recommended txs, doctors, and facilities...and went in for her routine check up after 10 years NED and was dx, out of the blue, with multiple myeloma. You think "that's rare", but then you think "but if she was in that rare percentage, I could be too".

Sigh. I hate little c, I hate little c, I hate little c........

Claire

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Comments

  • angelia50
    angelia50 Member Posts: 381
    edited March 2015

    AMEN. What you said.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited March 2015

    We're all right with you in your pocket, Claire! Sending you positive thoughts, love and light!

    Let us know how everything goes.

    --The Mods

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  • ml143333
    ml143333 Member Posts: 658
    edited March 2015

    I totally understand what you are feeling.  I am not even done with chemo yet and already am stressing a little over whatever testing my MO will require after.  Some have said he will get a PET and others said no.  I will be done with chemo hopefully on 4/10 and then will move to Tamoxifen and every three month check-ups for awhile.  I just have to continue to try and calm down, but you know that it easier said than done.

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  • Holeinone
    Holeinone Member Posts: 2,478
    edited March 2015

    Mandy, I am stage 3, no testing. That is protocol. Of course some Drs. will order scans, MRIs. My sister gets a MRI every 2 years because "I" had stage 3. I ask my oncologist, if it would be helpful, say every 2-3 years, since I was dx as stage 3. No, not nesscessary. Drives me bonkers. Also frustrating. Cancer sucks !

    Claire, in your pocket for your appt. I get Zometa # 3 next month & blood work. My WBC is always very low...never easy, seems to never end.....sorry about your friend

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  • Chloesmom
    Chloesmom Member Posts: 1,053
    edited March 2015

    ditto ML. My last infusion of CT will be 4/7. Trying not to stay awake at night worrying about the future and trying to enjoy the moment.

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  • wallycat
    wallycat Member Posts: 3,227
    edited March 2015

    little c??? I say it is the big hateful C!!! I am so sorry you are dealing with the stress. I've often told my DH that sometimes, I think having routine checkups and going to the doc at all is actually shortening my life since the added stress, worry and anxiety is sure not a good thing.

    Deep breath and think good thoughts. Michael J Fox (early parkinsons) said he learned to stop worrying because worry doesn't help and it is like getting the disease over and over and over rather just assuming all is well till told otherwise!


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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2015

    Well, I passed my test--blood test. Thank god. I can relax for another 4-6 months. Boy, was I on the ceiling for the last week and it took me about 18 hours after she told me my labs were "perfect" to come down. I literally felt "high", like I was dizzy and floating--I guess that's why they say "dizzy with relief". Also got good info from the NP who told me what they look for in my labs--my MO never really explained. So it was a good visit.

    Thanks for all your support, ya'll! (PS Wallycat, I call it "little c" because I refuse to give it any power or status. Just like I don't refer to it as "my" c.)

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  • vlnrph
    vlnrph Member Posts: 1,632
    edited March 2015

    Hooray for passing the test: the NP who could explain what the various values mean sounds like a keeper. Hope your MD appreciates that...

    I also get a serious case of "scanxiety" prior to my annual mammogram (which was last week) and whenever another imaging study is pending. Because my blood calcium was high two months ago, I had a bone analysis as well as chest CT which found a couple lung nodules. I get to go back and have those looked at again to make sure they're stable. After that maybe there will be a break during which I can start to feel a little more like a normal person!

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited March 2015

    Oh my God you hit it on the head. I have some strange almost pain feeling in right breast. I made my MRI appointment for next month. I have a regular general doctor's appointment in 10 days. I am so afriad I have cancer in right breast. I don't feel a lump but I didn't have a lump I could feel when dx's.

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  • momwriter
    momwriter Member Posts: 310
    edited March 2015

    Because of my dense breast, I have gotten a callback both times on my mammo/ U/S since treatment ended. Last time they found a complex cyst and had to do a core needle biopsy (thank God benign!) - put in a clip- and I almost lost it. It's really hard. I try to stay in the moment but my PTSD comes out. If anyone has techniques on how to get through these calmly, I'd love to know.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2015

    I found this link helpful for PTSD, but really, acknowledging that you have it, recognizing the symptoms and forgiving yourself seem to help the most. My husband is very understanding, as he has a bit of it at times too (3 years army veteran during the VN war; Grenada, Desert Storm, and Iraq).

    https://denise4health.wordpress.com/2015/01/21/pos...


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  • vlnrph
    vlnrph Member Posts: 1,632
    edited March 2015

    Thanks for offering the connection to denise4health - I just spent a little time reading her other posts and found them to be well written!

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