Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    Gatorgal,

    No! I didn't think you were trivializing anything , so no worries.

    I just spent far too long reading this thread from the beginning, since it's been almost a year since I started it. My heart was heavy when I read posts from sisters who have passed. I chuckled quite a few times at some of the great stories about our "normal lives" . I continue to find inspiration from how we get on, and sometimes get on very well, at stage IV. I am eternally grateful that after a somewhat rocky beginning, most of you understand what this thread is about. So, in celebration of normal, here is a normal slice of my stage IV life:

    How to Bathe a Pomeranian

    Prepare bathroom- Find doggie shampoo, gather ratty old towels

    Find Pomeranian- Cute little doggie knows the drill and attempts to hide under bed.

    Brush Pomeranian- Over her howling protests, I brush her incredibly thick and abundant fur. I brush out enough loose fur to make at least two more little Poms.

    Get Pomeranian into tub- Scoop up doggie and place her in tub. Despite the fact that it is a deep soaking tub and she has very short legs, aforementioned doggie makes valiant, but futile, effort to escape.

    Bathe Pomeranian- Wet fur repeatedly. Doggie's fur is so thick that it takes forever to wet her to the skin. Vigorously lather up doggie, who is still attempting to escape. Rinse time also takes forever.

    Dry Pomeranian - Encase wiggling mass of wet fur in layers of towels. Occasionally her tiny face peeks out and she gives me the evil eye. Finally, she is towel dried and dashes off to roll like lunatic all over my bedroom floor so as to further dry herself , while making my carpet damp at the same time.

    And finally... When the little fur ball is dry, brush again. Still enough fur to make another dog is brushed out of her. Now, my next instructional message; How to Clean a Bathtub!

    PS: Later, when she was all dry and pretty, she took the opportunity to lay outside on my patio. She came back in, covered with dried leaves and other outside debris. Sigh... Time to brush the Pomeranian again. I have also changed my avatar to show the little Pom, though her fur was much shorter at the time. She is currently sporting the full fur Pomeranian look.

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  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited March 2015

    Cute story, cute dog Caryn.

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  • Kjones13
    Kjones13 Member Posts: 1,520
    edited July 2015

    cute dog!! What's her name?

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  • Kjones13
    Kjones13 Member Posts: 1,520
    edited July 2015

    and yes...how sad to go back and read what beautiful things those ladies, who left us too soon, had to say.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    Her name is Nala , after Simba's little lion girlfriend in The Lion King. I also have a min pin/chihuahua mix named Mary Lu. Mary Lu was a stray and she is a bit traumatized from her former life on the streets but grateful to have a warm home and regular meals. Nala is a pure bred Pom and has a great sense of entitlement. They are both quite entertaining and often behave like squabbling siblings

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  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited March 2015

    And where would we be without our pups??? 

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited March 2015

    She is adorable Caryn. Loved your story. What is it about dogs that they hate being clean?

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  • fujiimama
    fujiimama Member Posts: 800
    edited March 2015

    image

    My girls Cookie and Sophie. Cookie is from a sheltie rescue. Sophie is a hand me down from my sister. At least twice a month one will sneak out the door and take off. It's my exercise.

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    fujimama,

    Cute! I recognize the expression in their eyes. That's how my two little ladies look at me as I'm preparing dinner

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  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited March 2015

    Fujimama - how could you deny them anything? So cute!

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  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited March 2015

    Totally cute!

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited March 2015

    Fuji, they are gorgeous and adorable as the day is long. Please, I want them! Pretty please?

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  • copinginwyoming
    copinginwyoming Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2015

    Caryn,

    Your post is very up lifting for me. I am one of those who feels my life, as I knew it, is over. I was diagnosed with beast cancer in 2010. After a bil-mastecomy, chemo, and radiation, I was able to go into remission until May 5th 2014 when an MRI revealed a 5 cm tumor in my left cerebellum. I had surgery to get it removed on May 7th and did more radiation after that and I am now doing hercepton and projecta every three weeks and xegeva every four weeks. I had been working as a nurse for12 years up until brain surgery last May. I am too unsteady on my feet to do that job anymore and am so tired all the time. Like I said I have been thinking, because of this diagnosis, and the way I feel, my life should be done now. My husband goes to work everyday and I can see him getting more and more depressed everyday. I am 51 and he is 52. Our kid's are all grown and have families of their own. They all live a whole state away from us. I'm just trying to get a better perspective on what I am going through and how I should be feeling. Your post has given me a little more hope. Thank you. My name is Laurie.


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  • starbrightlyshines
    starbrightlyshines Member Posts: 344
    edited March 2015


    Hi Laurie, I am going through a bad spell myself right now, but it has been over 2 years since I was diagnosed Stage IV from the start. I can say now that there are good days and bad days, but really many women still lead active, involved lives. To many of my "friends" my life doesn't look it has changed too much........in fact some people I see don't even know about the cancer. I do battle fatigue, it seems to be my number one nemesis. I have learned to cut back on some things and make time for others. It can be a delicate balancing act, but once you get a treatment plan in place it can be done. It does take a toll on our loved ones, but maybe your DH will feel better in time as he sees you find a new niche. The social worker at the cancer center always referred to it as "a new normal". For some reason I always hated that........I liked my old normal much better, thank you! but it's true. I still have children at home although there isn't much difference in our ages. I must have just gotten a later start! I get so depressed thinking about my children getting married, having kids, and me not being there. I don't dwell on that or I would go over the edge. So in a way I am envious that you have that :) In a good way, lol! There is a lot of hope around, sometimes it's hard to find but it is always there somewhere.

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  • copinginwyoming
    copinginwyoming Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2015

    Thank you starbright. The first time I went through this I worked a full time job as a Nurse and kept up my house and everything. My husband was working away from home then so I was by myself a lot but I had my family close by and friends, but now I live a whole state away from all of them and I have no friends or family close to here. I am not working outside my home. I'm pretty sure that I could not do the job I was doing before. I just have to take care of myself now. I really wish that I could do more, but that's about all I have energy for. Sometimes I just want this to be over with for my family's benefit. I hate that they are having to go through this. Does anyone else ever feel this way????

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  • freebird53
    freebird53 Member Posts: 166
    edited March 2015

    I'm sitting here tonite...thinking well thank you God for making my treatment go well today...will see how the next few days go....but then...a tear rolls down my face...I wish I had someone to hold me and sit here with me...I think of all the people that have that someone to hold tonite...I could use that in my life...just saying Nite Peeps!!! Bubba...come and let momma hug you...

    image

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    Cute doggie! I was married for 23 years and was beyond happy to get divorced. Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but not enough to pursue one. I know some people feel best in a relationship, but I think I am just too darn self sufficient. I'm adored by 24 first graders, two dogs, two DD's and SIL's and the best granddaughter in the world. However, if Prince Charming knocked on my door, I would definitely let him in!

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  • RonnieKay
    RonnieKay Member Posts: 2,067
    edited March 2015

    Coping...I think many of us feel the same at different moments...sending love to you! Freebird...hugs to you...even though it's not quite like getting nuzzled by that little cutie pie & exbrnxgrl...as a former school sec/para, I know how those little people can fill a huge space in one's life! That's one reason I volunteer niece in grandson's kindergarten class & do recess & pe...love to be loved! Been off the boards a while so will try to catch up with others.

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  • ellamilana
    ellamilana Member Posts: 76
    edited March 2015

    freebird, that is exactly how i feel. I was there for my husband when he was sick, going to his chemos with him, holding him, watching his meds and now he is gone and I am totally alone... My children are wonderful, but I am trying to act normal, so they have as much normalcy as i can give them, but i am scared and completely alone

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    Ah ladies,

    Stage IV bc dredges up so many emotions and sometimes magnifies the scarier ones. It may not be easy but grab happiness and enjoy every bit of life until you simply can't. I started this thread because ,although our lives may have changed, we still live. And as long as we can I believe we can live well (even if it's not what we expected)

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    ronniekaye,

    My life is very full with family and friends, my career is just the icing on the cake. Being an educator is a calling and a commitment for me, but even when I get to the point where I can't do it, Iwill always have a full life

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  • jcfree
    jcfree Member Posts: 105
    edited March 2015

    freebird, your post made me sad for you and just want to send you healing blessings and warm angel hugs!!

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  • PattyPeppermint
    PattyPeppermint Member Posts: 11,162
    edited March 2015

    freebird / Carla. I am not close enough for an actual hug but how bout a virtual ((hugs))) to get you thru Til the next one. Thinking of you. Loved your pic from gs bday the other day. Now that showed love !

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  • copinginwyoming
    copinginwyoming Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2015

    Frueebird

    You are beautiful inside and out. Your post has made me stop and think about all the blessings in my life that I have now and how God has blessed me throughout my whole life. If I were to leave this world today I can say that I have lived a life full of complete love from family and friends. It has not been an easy life, but it has been filled with love and in the end I'm thinking this is what counts the most to me anyway. I wish that you had someone there to help you through this, because this would be a very hard journey to take alone. We all send you love and hugs and remember you are not alone. XOXOXO

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  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited March 2015

    free bird, that is a gorgeous picture of you and your pooch!

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  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited March 2015

    freebird,

    I love my life, friends, kids and work.  But I hear ya - someone to hold us in those dark moments in the middle of the night, going to treatment, holding our hand.  I am so happy with my separation and know it is the best thing, would not change it - but I would love to have that someone in my life. 

    You are not alone

    Be well

    Nel

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited March 2015

    Free i just said the same thing to my friend. To get a hug is so awesome. I love the pix with ur dog, love it. I do the same with my kitten.  Although i have children  who r adults apparently dont like  me bc i am basically  on my own. I have 1 who lives here n if i ask gets me things if hi asked

    Tomorrow  i have 2 get surgery to get the screw out that is holding 2 bones n 2 ligaments  together, at 615am  problem  is nobody to drive me. Iasked, they hesitated, can takeca cab. Evrn my friends didnt offer...feeling really alone, asked exhusband said he would do it. He goes 2cwork at 630 n will stop n grab me, drop me off on the way, then wgo to work,.. as i hermit in my room, i cant believe it is like this. Don't  feel sorry 4 me, i am ok, just realizing things. 

    I know what i would do 4 anybody or what i did 4 my mother.

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  • LindaE54
    LindaE54 Member Posts: 2,054
    edited March 2015


    Hey Blondie - nice to hear from you.  Are you still in rehab or are you home?  Good luck with your surgery tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you.  Hope that ankle is healing well.

    Hugs - Linda

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited March 2015

    Hi lindA n thanks, home last Monday,  appreciate it

    Hru

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited March 2015

    Well, ladies, this thread is evolving in ways I had never imagined. I hope it continues to serve as an inspiration for those who continue to live well at stage IV. I think it's an especially helpful message for the newly dx'ed and those thinking they need to throwin the towel right away

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