Really Struggling

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tangandchris
tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
edited March 2015 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Not sure where to begin, but I'm just done with all of it! I know I'm depressed and I'm already on Celexa, but maybe it just isn't working anymore. My job is stressing me out, I'm angry at dh and I think he sucks, and I feel like a failure as a mother. Oh and let's not forget that I feel like it's not a matter of "if" but "when" they're gonna tell me that my cancer is back. It's like I'm just biding my time until it happens.

Dh is selfish and it just seems like I cannot look past it anymore. We've been thru a lot together, good stuff and bad stuff.....but I'm feeling like I made a huge mistake when I married him. Last night did me in, he acted like an ass and it blew me away. DD wanted to go to a school fundraiser and I was exhausted from work. He comes home from work, goes in the bedroom and relaxes while I'm finishing up work, trying to get dinner going and dealing with her nagging. He gets mad and say he'll take her, but he was such an asshole about it that made me mad.

He's selfish and not a good father in a lot of ways. It's hard for me to actually look at it, but it is the truth.

I'm venting I don't even expect responses...just needed to get this out.

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  • ElaineTherese
    ElaineTherese Member Posts: 3,328
    edited February 2015

    Hi!

    You have my complete sympathy. It's hard to deal with family members who are self-centered. My DD is 16 and thinks the world revolves around her. I have to nag my DH to get him to help out sometimes. And my sons have autism and intellectual disabilities and don't even understand cancer. It can be very frustrating.

    You say that you are already on Celexa and know that you're depressed -- that's a start! It's clear that you need to focus on yourself a bit -- what might make your job and family life less stressful? Better meds? More help around the house? More time for your interests?

    Best wishes! Hope that venting at least made you feel better.

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited February 2015

    Thanks Elaine-

    appreciate your comments :)

    Dh was great during cancer tx and surgeries. But, our marriage has had struggles before BC and now that I'm coming thru to the other side I can see that our issues are still there. Sadly I just wonder if we were ever meant to be married and I just held on for too long.


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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited February 2015

    Hi tangandchris. I read your post yesterday and I wanted to come on here and say, I was involved for years with a narcissist, and never knew it until afterward. I am still friends with this man, but my expectations of him are different now, and different from what I expect from "normal" empathetic people. You can read about it herehttp://esteemology.com/spotting-a-narcissist-how-t... - it's very interesting. I'm not saying I think your DH is one, but most men are raised to be more selfish than women, and a fair number of them have a few narcissistic traits.

    I also wanted to say that I'm getting therapy, but not the usual talk therapy, which I've never found helpful. It's called energy work. I go to a woman who does "shamanic healing", and that is helping me to find the parts of myself that I neglected and shut down while I was trying to fit myself into various relationships where what I wanted or needed never came first. It's kind of embarrassing to talk about, because it's so "out there", but it is helping me feel stronger, happier and more whole.

    What I'm trying to say is, the other person doesn't have to change for you to feel better. You might not even have to lose your relationship - maybe just change it.

    I wish you luck working out your situation.


    (Edited to change the link.)

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited February 2015

    thanks nine-twelve :)

    I'm glad you found something that is working for you. For some reason I can't open that link, but that's okay.


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  • NineTwelve
    NineTwelve Member Posts: 569
    edited February 2015

    Aw, well. If you google "esteemology" it will take you to the website. I found it helpful for understanding that my ex's bad treatment of me was about him, and that helped when it came time to let it go.

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  • catlady44
    catlady44 Member Posts: 159
    edited March 2015

    There are a ton of different anti depressants out there so maybe your doc could try a different one if Celexa isn't workiing. I've been on antidepressants forever and it seems common for them to suddenly stop working for whatever reason. I hate that, but I've gone through it before. Electroconvulsive therapy didn't help me, but transcranial magnetic stimulation did.

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  • catlady44
    catlady44 Member Posts: 159
    edited March 2015

    Yes, take it a day at time. I am hoping you feel better soon! Depression is so common with cancer. I'm struggling myself. Hang in there......feel free to message me or whatever. I'm a sympathetic ear for sure

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  • catlady44
    catlady44 Member Posts: 159
    edited March 2015

    Tangandchris - how are you doing?

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  • tangandchris
    tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
    edited March 2015

    catlady-thanks for asking :)

    I'm doing better mostly, dh and I are better and I'm just trying to take it a day at a time really. I think I need to see about switching my anti-depressant though, might not be effective anymore.

    How are you....you are in the thick of treatment right?

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  • catlady44
    catlady44 Member Posts: 159
    edited March 2015

    Sorry for the late reply! Yes I had my infusion this last Tues so I'm in hell right now. This crap ain't playing around! The depression comes and goes here, but it's nothing like some of my previous depressions before cancer. It's more like "the blues" than a true clinical depression. I think the isolation and lonliness is what gets to me and I'm guessing a lot of people deal with that. Stay in touch. Sounds like your doing better overall. Cancer is big enough to take on without all the other drama!

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