Anyone else squeamish?

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slv58
slv58 Member Posts: 1,216
edited March 2015 in Breast Reconstruction

I'm having a MX and immediate diep on tues and although I'm happy to be getting this recurrent cancer out of me, I am sad that I will be losing my breast. I'm getting nervous about seeing myself for the first time. I admit I'm a bit of a suck with things involving surgery, blood, scars etc. how did you deal with the changed body appearance? Was it difficult taking care of your incisions? I must admit, years ago I had an injury that left a good gash on my cheek. I was told to massage it and for some reason I just couldn't touch it. I know I'm suppose to massage scars as part of the healing, but I don't know if I can. Maybe with some type of barrier so I don't feel anything with my fingers? Ok now everyone knows what a wimp I am! As I read about diep and other reconstruction- I am in awe of how emotionally strong you all seem. Am I unusual in fearing what I will look like with all these incisions?

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited March 2015

    I had DIEP 4 months after mastectomy I had real emotional problems with the mastectomy but I was so happy with DIEP results. My scars look fine and it is fading. I was terrified of the surgeries but I didn't have much in the way of pain. My surgeons said I must have a high tolerance for pain.

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  • slv58
    slv58 Member Posts: 1,216
    edited March 2015

    Thank you Meow, I'm kind of curious if all the tx I've been through over the last 2 years has toughened me up a bit. I remember my first core biopsies I cried through- I was so scared. I was fine with the last one so maybe I won't be as emotional as I fear. It amazes me how little I have read about the emotional side of MX. I know we go this route to save our lives, but it is loosing a body part- one that can represent so many nice memories (breast feeding, mothers hugs, sexual, femininity, closeness etc). Seems like most women sail through-I know I will also but just wondered if other women feel as I do?

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  • SA8PG
    SA8PG Member Posts: 371
    edited March 2015

    I'm praying for you for Tuesday.

    I had a bmx in Dec with expanders placed and as you know both are out now due to infections a month apart. Not having my Breasts has been way harder than I thought it would be. My heart breaks everytime I look in the mirror. You are correct in that the memories attached to our breasts are a very real thing. I don't want to hear from one more friend that they are just breasts and to be happy I am alive. Of course I am beyond grateful to be alive, I also should be allowed time to grieve this loss of part of me.

    I will be doing a DIEP in May & I am wondering about the same things as you & trusting all will be well.

    Please keep us posted. Prayers & hugs are headed your way.

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  • kcat2013
    kcat2013 Member Posts: 391
    edited March 2015

    I'm squeamish and had a hard time looking at my incisions from BMX. And before that after one of my biopies I nearly past out just seeing a bit of blood oozing out from the area the next day--husband had to lead me quickly to lay down BUT, something changed after dealing with the BMX and I handled the incisions from my exchange surgery much better--even inspecting them daily myself. So maybe you'll not be as squeamish this time around.

    As far as massaging the scars my PS didn't ever recommend me doing that after either of my surgeries. My scars have faded nice and flat. You might want to ask your PS their opinion on it, and you might save yourself the agony of having to do that part!

    Hope surgery goes well for you.

    Kendra

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  • LAstar
    LAstar Member Posts: 1,574
    edited March 2015

    I have long been a fainter when blood or needles are involved, but dealing with BC in 2012 toughened me up (at least for a while). I didn't have trouble dealing with or looking at the incisions. I did have trouble touching my left breast which had extensive necrosis until I finally had that side re-reconstructed last month. Touching it made me worried about having more surgery, so I didn't touch it much. But dealing with drains was not a big deal. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it!

    I felt a great relief when the MX was behind me and the cancer was gone. Healing is almost easier than fearing the unknown. These are all complex emotions and reactions. Let yourself feel it all, and give yourself space to be sad and cry and mourn and then have yourself a good purging laugh once in a while. Before you know it, you will be feeling better and enjoying spring and you might even forget to think about it all for a few minutes. The simple things will have a new sweetness. Sending you best thoughts for Tuesday.

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