MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
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Eli, ahem, Pink-Doggy, Cheeto-Chewing Tyrant.
Oh, and it has been awfully cold down here ;P
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You. Have.Got. To. Be. Kidding. I've never been treated so rudely on BCO. I tell you I'm in pain and that the weather is a good distraction (I'm not high BTW... I'm in pain) and you scold me?
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JustAMy - Eli wasn't scolding you and of course we're all sorry about your pain. It's just that different threads have different habits or practices or guide lines. On this one the members determined long ago not to talk about the weather. Sort of like the Book Lovers club. We don't talk about books related to health or cancer. And yes, it sometimes causes friction.
Again, so sorry for your pain with the TEs. I remember hating mine & the pain for the entire 7 months I had them in.
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I agree, Amy...the weather does give us a sense of normalcy. Something a lot of us crave.
Weather forecast is up next: It's going to snow tomorrow...somewhere.
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Elimar...Excuse me while I leave this thread...permanently. I didn't come here to hear someone scold and rant.
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I am sorry that my tyrant-humor about the topic of weather is not to everyone's liking. I did not know that I could not direct people away from talking about weather, or that if i did, I would have sugar coat it lest someone burst into tears.
Apparently the overseers feel the same and sent me a PM. Let me share that too, cause I am just in a sharing mood today:
Dear elimar, Whether or not your recent post to justamy was meant in jest we ask that you edit it as it borders on the following rule violation "You agree not to use words that intimidate, isolate, attack, accuse or degrade members". We would rather give you the opportunity to revise it yourself. Trying to keep the boards a safe place for all to post. Thanks, The Mods
These are my thoughts:
The first is that the Mods say "borders on" so that would mean I crossed no border, but they want to spank me just the same. So, Mods, my open reply is that if you feel that it is offensive, then by all means step in to assert yourself and put me in my place. I don't feel that I mounted a personal attack on justamy or anyone else. I did try to make clear that I would like weather talk avoided. Guess what, I have received accolades from other members for steering the talk away from weather. They have opinions that matter just as much as the ones who love the weather talk. As I pointed out, there are whole threads for people who love weather ("Baby It's Cold Outside" comes to mind...a whole gaggle of weather-talkin' folk there.) Does this thread have to have weather talk too? Why? Remember the old adage, "Try to please everyone, end up pleasing no one."
The second, is that MinusTwo gets it. This thread has a particular flavor. A flavor that is a lot like Cheetos. People can look in, read, see if they have a kinship happening, a synchronicity, a meeting of the minds with others here and, if they do, they tend to stick around. I will tell you, justamy, that my comments were in no way meant as a personal attack on you. You are not new here, and I have been very supportive of you over the months, so I would think that you had me figured out a little better than that. I don't look to feud with anyone here, but I have opinions and where better to air them than a thread which I originated? It is my opinion that weather talk is inane and boring. There, I said it!
Lastly, Mods, if you feel I have been naughty, edit away whatever you want. Jerk the leash on the little pink doggy as you will. I jokingly referred to myself as a tyrant, but there are many kinds of tyranny, aren't there? I want to laugh at what a tempest in a teapot this has become, but it is also well known that I love my tea and would never disparage the vessel that contains it in that way.
Mods, I will tell you that I feel totally degraded and despirited by your PM. I have given so freely of my time to inform, cheer, help and support women on BCO for over five years without ever receiving personal notice. So, to be singled out now, in this negative way, is just shameful.
~~elimar
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jilly59, who just happened to come in at an inopportune time, can certainly exercise her right to bow out to a thread more to her liking. Where do I go to not hear weather forecasts...I thought it was here, but look at all the trouble with that!
When I was first DX'ed, I couldn't find my niche here, but rather than complain about all those other threads not being my "cup o' tea," I just went ahead and started up this thread. So, forgive me if this thread cannot, JUST CANNOT please everyone who stops by. To expect that is to expect the impossible!
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Elimar - looks like your explanatory post about weather talk has been removed by "Community". Looks like you've been out-tyranted!
Momine - that is a fine-looking politician you have there. I bet he's not married, because of those cuffs...
Elimar and Momine - auto-correct wants to change your names to Elmira and Moline, haha!
barsco - I bet you wish your name WAS Harsco! You could walk in and say, Yes I'd like my check now please.
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Yes, HnS, you are correct. I was far from recanting.
It was the part about suggesting another (we all know who) member being hopped up on a (starts with P) painkiller. In jest, mind you, but it got all serious around here. Somebody needs to read back amongst the nearly 1,000 pages to see how many times I was hopped up on something. But then, who would even object to that?
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Let's check with Elmira...over to you Elmira...
(Elmira:) Personally, when I find myself in pain, the last thing I would use to distract myself would be talk about the weather. I might chew on a shoelace, but talk about the weather, oh no. But that's just me. Me, Elmira. I have no idea what that tyrant elimar would do. I try not to associate to her. She has a bad brain. And a split personality.
(Apologizing in advance to all my BC sisters with multiple personalities, no moderation needed.)
[P.S. Edit:] OOOOOH! Look, this is my number 6,666 post. Well, that is the "number of the beast" and then some. That is just too perfect!
(Apologizing in advance to any and all anti-Christ sisters. No stress. Elmira & I can get some other number. Sheesh!)
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Sisters - and that's what primarily we are - just think about all the threads that are special interest. Every thread doesn't have to suit every member. I read the "a place to talk about dying" thread regularly but respect the Stage IV people's right to deal with their own issues and not be interrupted by those of us not facing the same immediacy. So as much as I might want to jump in, I don't. I think most of us pick threads where our issues and personalities are similar. And maybe we even end up bonding with some people based on our medical issues AND our individual sense of humor or gift of gab. Otherwise we move on and pick other threads. But I don't think trashing someone who has been so helpful to so many since 2009 is productive.
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Elimar,
I admire your spine dahlink.
I personally took no offense to your suggestion as to could we please discuss something other than just weather. I truly thought that some of the weather stories that were humorous- such as so much damn snow it's like insulation was terrific!
Mods have their own marching orders- whatever those may be. Who knows, they may be privately thinking, yawn, the weather comments may be tiring, but someone was upset so they have to um.... MODERATE! Just think of them as traffic signals with no personal agendas.
I don't know what the parameters are on this thread. We don't talk about cancer books? I recently posted some science article on cancer information. I guess I blew that ettiquette. I like hanging out with the middies. You ladies are my cohorts/contemporaries and I enjoy your wisdom and viewpoints by being middle aged women.
Also, we BC women are on meds, getting off of meds, on AIs, off AIs having SEs etc. Also, I'm guessing I'm fairly run of the mill in the following: my BS meter is pretty close to zero post BC. Maybe we don't express ourselves with as much "filter" as we once did. Life is short, we're just trying to keep our panties from getting wrapped around the axle. I truly didn't think you intentionally tried to crush anyone. But I know that we all have different sensibilities regarding courtesy and get it that someone may have taken offense. Ya know, on a Tuesday I might take offense, on a Friday I may not. Depends on what other stuff is orbiting the mother ship that day.
Did anyone see the movie Still Alice? Anyone on AIs? or was on AIs and completely related to her problems of "words hanging there" and couldn't retrieve them?
I was subject in a cognitive function research study at UCSF for AI women. The tests that Alice took for Alzheimers were the same darn flash cards I was given. I remember seeing a picture and saying it was "protractor". But nooo, it was a diagram of a something that started with a "C", I still couldn't find the blasted word. Then I was told a "CO". I for the life of me couldn't recall the word "compass" with the pencil on it to draw circles. I just knew it had to be a "protractor". Then, a few pix later, I saw the protractor and correctly named it. Many of the remembering words tests Alice took and other brain function tests were given to me. I HATED the PET brain scans. I'm claustrophobic and hated having to lie perfectly still. Didn't dig the radioactive dye shot into my arm either with the mega stainless steel syringe. When I was off the AIs, I saw a big cognitive difference- improvement. Anyway, now of course, my mental acuity has returned but alas, my ophthalmologist is watching me closely and changing my eye meds because they fear I might be slowly going blind due to glaucoma- induced by the AIs! It appears I'm losing my peripheral vision. It's still early to be sure. I will be furious if I go blind someday because of SEs from AIs due to BC! So if I bark at someone someday on this thread, I apologize in advance. Sometimes, I just get really crabby about the collateral damage from BC. Other days, I'm thrilled I'm getting back to my old self.
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I was not trying to talk weather nor do I care if you do or not. I was simply stating that it could be a good distraction. I wish I had been medicated because then I wouldn't have been is tears most of the day because of the pain not your comments. I was hurt by you Elimar because I told you how much I was hurting physically and you scolded me for my post. You have been out of treatment for awhile but I didn't think you would forget the hell of treatment. I'm sorry if I overreacted. I have just read EVERY post here for 8 months and did not expect what I read. I thought BCO was a safe place where it was OK to say what I can't elsewhere. I hurt. I'm tired of hurting. Im 43 and in treatment. Are those things proper for this board?
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Heart, he is very much married to an artist who is both good-looking and wealthy.
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Justamy, I am sorry you are hurting. Treatment sucks, we hear you. If those expanders are that painful, you could consider getting rid of them. Quite a lot of women around BCO have chosen to "deconstruct."
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Eli- Since I've been around since 2012, I know (and agree with) your desire not to receive weather conditions and forecasts on this site. While I'm not offended when they appear and just move on, you have made it very clear in the past that you do not support the topic. I think since you have not spent as much time commenting of late, that newer visitors just don't know that weather talk raises your hackles. Perhaps adding a comment to your header information that just like s$%#, weather happens, and if you prefer to talk about it, please do so elsewhere.
I think I have been attracted to this forum specifically because the topics and support matter to me. And the humor sprinkled in reminds me that we all get through our experience one way or another. We are here to pickup tidbits for ourselves and help others. You have done that in spades for years.
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Deborah - Sorry to hear of your Father in Laws passing. I believe that MinusTwo was saying that it was the Book Lovers thread that has a "no cancer" book policy. I think the middies are ok with articles and books related to cancer that might provide some support, guidance or information. Someone correct me if I am wrong.
I chuckled at your statement "Life is short, we're just trying to keep our panties from getting wrapped around the axle" Can't say I have ever heard that reference - lol
Eli - I respect your reasoning regarding the "no weather talk" policy - that surely there are so many other topics of interest that we middies can relate to. I actually now try to apply this to real life whenever I am talking with a friend, acquaintance etc.
justamy - I hope that you can get those expanders corrected and that the pain can be controlled better for you.
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Ooops, I am on those percs, so I hope I dont offend anybody! 'Cause I love both JUSTAMY and ELIMAR! I think STAYNSANE'S suggestion about adding it to the header is a good idea. I wont even say the "W" word! I do hope you feel better JUSTAMY. If I was you, I would show up at my treatment center, or the emergency room and just be bawling and crying and demand some relief! Can't you ask primary care physician??? They must know your pain is real. I was reading on another thread where the womans' was infected, and it was weeks before the docs believed her about the pain...sucks.
I just got through reading still alice, a little scary to me but good. I think my man starts worrying about me, cause i asked if he picked up the mail, then i alittle while later, i go and check if its there. and he told be he already brought it in! I even thought for a minute that he was gaslighting me, but there's no treasure! So I get concerned aboout my brain. But, I think about so many different things all day long, including the "W", only cause if its dry as a bone, I need to go rain on my plants myself... I have to be really carefull about multi tasking, cause I will put food in the sock drawer (happened) or answer the tv remote, or put my cell phone in the fridge. All since treatment.
ELIMAR, was that you who said no to the alien probe again, one year later? Good for you!
I have been worrying about whats going on with my digestive system. I have been having trouble swallowing, and acid reflux, and pain in my chest, and abdominal discomfort. So i talked to my GI doc, who did the other end probe, and he is gonna put the probe in,from the other direction! Hopefully not the same probe... anyone done that? What can i expect about that?
I just finished watching the last episode of boardwalk empire last night, and i am sad cause i will miss them all.
Most importantly,ELIMAR, thanks for sharing Jonny Depp and his sentiment with us. i havent been here in days, so I don't know how long he has been up there, thanks.
Also, i never even SAW jilly59 here before! wishing the best for her anyway...
6,666!?!!? Congratulations! I think I am gonna go and eat some cheeto's today in your honor.
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Tomboy, they have no problem with me being on pain meds still. They are just incompetent. My treatment center is an hour away so I called Monday to tell them I would need some and they failed to tell the doctor, so Tuesday w I went in, there was no one there to sign the script. I ran out totally Tuesday night. They called yesterday and are mailing me a script, so I prob have another day of severe pain. In MO, you have to have a paper script and er's,etc will not prescribe any narcotic pain meds. My stupid TE is quite literally in my armpit again. I had to be reopened once so he could reposition it...so ...that's where I'm at right now...sigj
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i am so sorry, and i hate hate hate incompetence too
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justamy, let's review the facts: I mentioned that there was "too much talk about the weather." Your very next post went on to declare that it was 41 degrees in MO. I'm not saying you were trying to goad me, but the general statement that I had made apparently did not get through to you, so the next time around I wrote directly to you. In that post, now deleted, I believe I commiserated with you that talking about the weather probably did seem more desirable than sitting around in pain. (For me the experiences are very similar, but I understand your point.)
The mention of a painkiller was first brought into conversation by you. I kind of ran with it, in jest, which you then reported to BCO as a rules violation, which obviously must have been an even better distraction. The Mods subsequent deletions were ridiculous. I told them that was a big crock (of spreadable cheese!) by the way.
Since I have been supportive of you (even in an outreach kind of way that even the Mods know nothing of!) since you showed up on this thread, I can say that I DO think you over-reacted. Furthermore, if you are inferring that BCO is not a "safe place" because of what I wrote to you, that is also quite an over-reaction. BCO is a place you can say what you cannot say elsewhere; but, you know, since you can chat about the weather in so many places, why not just give it a rest here?
Honestly, and I'm not sure BCO will let me be honest, I don't really now how I feel about you continuing to post on this thread. Your reaction was alienating for me personally. You, and the Mods, in your efforts to slap a pair of horns on me, fail to consider any sensibilities that I might have. Am I supposed to forget that? I don't think I am chemo-brained enough for that to happen.
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In trying to reply to someone who sent me a PM of support, I found that BCO Mods have limited me to sending only 2 PMs a day. What's next, kicking me off BCO? Because justamy over-reacted, and started the snowball rolling. Thanks again, justamy! Further proof that BCO gets it all wrong when they try to hand out the halos and the horns.
Why just last night, a Mod was PMing about just what a valuable member of the community I was. Isn't that a funny way of showing it?
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Also, I did a little spying on you, justamy. I saw what you wrote on your surgery thread:
"I've had a strange day with BCO. I have posted here since DX in July. I have had 4 forums in my favorites that I have every post sent to my email do I can keep up. This is one of course. I have NEVER had a truly mean or hateful post directed at me ( I can't recall one at all). Until today. By a creator of a board. It basically told me they excused my ignorance because I was high on pain meds and then went on to instruct me that my content was too boring for their board etc....I reported it and it's being handled but I just can't believe it happened. Why would you create a board on a cancer support web site and then berate people? If you want a closed group....you can do that...I have deleted that board and will not be going there, but it just kinda hurt."
You went looking for sympathy, but the thing is that you perverted the truth, telling a half-truth. I never made any blanket statement about your content, just weather talk. Never took issue with a single thing you ever said OTHER than weather talk. Look how you put a false spin on it. Shameful! I am basically telling you right now that I am finding it hard to excuse these back-handed falsehoods. Stop it.
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Elimar you are now the one who is overreacting.Enough said.
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Maybe not enough said. I posted very carefully about what happened, not even mentioning the board w asked which one it was. You however reposted everything that happened immediately after it was removed and continued to belittle me there. I chose to let it drop. You are the one who is making this personal. I told you I was hurting. I was looking for support. That's all.
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Elimar, your private messaging limitation was automatic, and not a punishment. It has been corrected. We would greatly appreciate everyone dropping this issue, and moving forward - on all threads. It appears that a lot of things got misinterpreted, in all directions. So, let's try and work together to restore a helpful, supportive environment.
We try our best as Mods to resolve issues, and understand that our decisions can not be to everyone's liking.
Please observe the rules, and if you would like to discuss things with us, or have questions about our choices, feel free to PM us any time.
Many thanks,
The Mods
From our Rules of Conduct.
- You agree not to defame, abuse, harass, stalk, threaten or otherwise violate the legal rights of others, or participate in deliberate, repeated, hostile behavior ("cyber bullying"). You agree not to use words that intimidate, isolate, attack, accuse or degrade members.
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justamy, I write truth. You write falsehood. I present evidence of it. The Mods delete it. That does not change the falseness.
You maligned me in another thread. I defend myself from falsehoods.
What you call over-reacting, I call setting the record straight.
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Enough please. All subsequent posts pertaining to this dispute will be removed.
Please consider editing/removing your other posts that may have injured feelings. The cancer battle is difficult enough without feeling pain from BCO members.
Thank you.
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Breaking a rule now and again is just one of the ways I know I am truly alive. Yee-hah!
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