I'm Lost in a Ranting Sort of Way

If this the light at the end of the tunnel, why do I feel so lousy? Okay, I know part of it's because I've just had 18 teeth pulled and a bunch of my jawbone and gums excised, thanks to my reaction to Taxotere and radiation scatter. But, while my mouth is sore, the teeth aren't really the issue.

I've been pretty blessed throughout my IBC treatment. My allergic reaction to Taxotere gave me more SEs than I'd wish on anyone. But my MX and rads weren't bad and I'm doing surprisingly well on Anastrozole. I've three Herceptins left and that's it. I'm NED, PT is helping me to regain my strength, treat my PN, and, hopefully, is lessening my chances of LE.

All should be looking up, right? So why am I more exhausted, feel more overwhelmed, and surely I'm more depressed. I go from insomnia to sleeping nearly around the clock. Oddly, my DP/caregiver is having the same problems.

I'd like to be re-settling into my home (and there's plenty to do after doing the minimum for over a year), doing normal stuff and so on. Yet I feel paralyzed. I know that both my DP and I are knowledge seekers and we've spent the last year racing to learn how to have cancer. Now nothing seems to matter. I've read many threads in the Moving Beyond Cancer forum, but I've not found any answers there. I'm an emotional and, to some extent, a physical wreck. I can say "create a new normal" easily, but I've no clue what that means or how I do it. Instead, I'm near tears, angry, sad, empty, and lonely all at once.

What the devil am I to do?

bride