Sometimes I cannot cope

hi Shelley

I think that because you have just recently been diagnosed it is still difficult to cope at times. It takes a while to get over the shock. I also think it's normal at this point. I was a mess for several months after my diagnosis. I too had a mole that I had had for forever and then all of a sudden I freaked thinking it was melanoma. It wasn't and I had it frozen off. I still think every ache or pain might be cancer. It does get better though. I ended up going on lexapro a few months after my diagnosis because I was just a weepy mess and I felt like I was making my family miserable. It's really helped me a lot and MO says lexapro is fine with tamoxifen. I also have Ativan, but I rarely use it anymore. The lexapro and time have allowed me to be like my normal self mostly. I think it's great you're going to see a therapist. I never did but probably should have. Many hugs to you Shelley. I promise it will get better for you.

Nancy

Oh Shelley - I think your reactions are perfectly normal, and that you are handling things very well. IMHO you either deal with "it" now or you'll deal with "it" later. I sobbed all the way through my first onco visit, my bone scan, and my ct scan. I suspect that the therapist will help a lot. Recovery is a process and it takes time. One wise doc told me it was going to take a year or two for me to accept the diagnosis. An antidepressant is a great idea and you might want to be get on one anyway if you'll be having hormonal therapy since they help with hot flashes. Take care!

I'm so glad I found this thread today. I finished rads in December am on a 3 month schedule for MO follow-ups. I've dealt with this adventure day by day and except for a dramatic, why me moment, I seemed to breeze through. Two months later, my anxiety seems to be worse than ever. Why now? I agree with Theresanne-the "what if" seems to be running my life lately. Nice to know there are others who are experiencing this.

Thanks for that Theresanne. My Dad always said "it's not the elephants that will get you-it's the ants".

Bless you Beachbum! all anyone has is today..realyy this minute...thats everyone in this world. I try to tell myself this every day. A long time ago when I was still in high school, i remember a story where a woman was waiting for a bus. it was freezing

cold and she stepped into a phone booth, yes one of those. A car skid out of control and killed her. young woman, healthy, life ahead of her. So all we can do it the best we can I guess..any of us. Again, im a mess most days than not. I guess I have to work on doing better...but its so hard.

Theresanne, you are so very welcome! We all have those hot mess days, and our emotions are all over the place. But we all walk the same path, but we do not walk alone. We are all here together, and we are Game On! When I get in a funk, I make the effort to be and do the normal. My guilty pleasure is treasure hunting the thrift stores for shiny trinkets, a new purse, a nice warm jacket, or that picture frame that I have to have. I can clear my head, have a little cheap fun, and have a small project to do. Or like today I found the coolest pair of earrings for $1.49! It gives me time to just be me, and not be the cancer patient. I try to make "her" stay away.

So have that hot mess day, give yourself permission to have that 1 hot mess day. Get funky, be mad or sad whatever it takes. Then you will be ready to give yourself permission to be you again. Try it, treat yourself, allow yourself to be you. That is who you are, just don't let that cancer patient take over. She gets enough attention! When "she" tries to drag me down, I eat chocolate cake....................take care.

You got this, one day at a time!

Shelley hope you get good results with Effexor. I think we've all been there with the depression. I have been resisting going on any anti depressants as I am afraid of side effects, but am very interested in hearing if it helps.

Hi Hopeful - no I have not had any weight gain with the lexapro. Thank goodness - I would have been peeved lol.

Nancy

I hope the new antidepressant helps you.

Hon I think crying is NORMAL no matter when or where and esp cuz you're new to this. I've bawled in front of the doc and anxiety and depression are so common during this. I know that just hearing that doesn't change your situation, but you aren't alone in that fear.

Right after my port was put in, I had to go to the ER because they suspected a blood clot. It turned out to be superficial phlebitis, but I absolutely panicked. I'm queen of the "what if" statements. The thing that helped me, was my mother saying, What if you do have an abnormal response or complication to whatever is about to happen? What happens, happens and the only choice you have is to move through it. That sounds harsh, but my mom is WONDEFUL and said this so kindly in a way only we understand. It really helped me get through those panicky fears. No amount of worry can change what happens.

I know easier said than done. Believe me, I still freak out and panic all the time. Just join us here and vent away. Hugs!