October 2014 Surgery Sisters

Today I just burst into tears because I wanted my breast back. I'm now one week post op from my exchange and it looks amazing but I am so uncomfortable, particularly under the implant where he stitched a new inframammary fold. I can't walk more than a couple of blocks from the discomfort which is more than I had from the initial TE placement and mastectomy, something I did not expect. I'm also hot flashing every hour or two continuously from the Zoladex and that's not helping either. In a bra they look like a better match than my own two breasts; the only thing that can give me away is the dent under my armpit where they SNB was. But right now I'd take my old saggy one back if I could. I'm tired of hurting.

I really hope I get to keep my right breast. I can't bear the thought of going through this a third time.

OK, you guys are freaking me out as I'm writing down another slew of upcoming doctor's appointments and the surgery date - March 19. What am I doing? Is reconstruction the right decision? I may be flat right now but at least I'm relatively pain free, can sleep on my side again and feel pretty good! The SE from the tamoxifen seem to be getting better, im pretty much back to hot flashes only. I just wish I had a crystal ball. The thought of another surgery followed by however many months of discomfort really depresses me!

Four, give it some time, I think/hope the new foob will settle in and feel better. You need time for it to all heal properly

Oh my gosh--I am so feeling you all right now, and so very sorry what this has done to all of us. Yesterday I sketched out a "worst case/best case" scenario timeline of when I will complete everything...and even the best case put me into 2016 and I just thought WTH. And again, I haven't even had to endure the chemo and radiation that so many of you brave ladies on here have. I wish strength to everyone traveling this extremely crappy path. No matter how upbeat we can try to be, it still just stinks. I did get good news last week in that the genetics testing came back negative and I was just so relieved, mostly for my 15 year old daughter. But I also couldn't quite get past the fact that it was not a 100% deal..it just eliminated the top 7 for me. So much unknown...so much more to learn. Yeesh.

I can't answer for anyone else. I wasn't willing to have my presumably healthy breast removed although I did agonize over that decision. At every step of the way I have been thankful to only be dealing with one side--having my dominant arm helped me get up from lying down the first couple of weeks, become independent again more rapidly, and when I was at the TE phase, i was thankful to still be able to sleep normally on my right. And yet, I can only pray that I will be able to keep it and won't need to someday be starting this entire path over again or worse. I took the chance that life won't be that cruel and i can have half of my chest still me even if gravity wins someday.

That said i wasn't willing to be flat on just one side. I really liked my breasts and i'm kind of curvy, so I wanted something there. And for me it did help when I finally looked at myself after the mastectomy to see that there was already something there--a work in progress were my husband's words. Within two fills i was close enough that in winter clothes there was nothing for anyone to really notice. But by the time I was fully expanded it looked and felt like a baseball. It wasn't going to work in summer clothing. It was a major bummer when I thought I was doing chemo and have to wait until the end of the summer to finish reconstruction.

I'm happy with how things look and i don't regret my choice at all, but the thing about cancer is no matter what you choose its not what you really want. What I really want was for this never to happen. And that's why I was crying. I don't just want my breasts back, i want my ovaries to work. I want my mojo. I want all of it back. But this is how things are now.

Good morning everyone,

Thank you, Sandra! Great quotes!

I am done with my pity party - held it over the weekend. Laid flat on my back all day yesterday...on my birthday. Happy crappy 43 for me.

No tastebuds, but I am so hungry. No energy, but I am so restless. Wished that I could have just had a bottle of wine to sleep through it all. But no, laid there in misery watching the snowflakes from my bed.

So this morning...not feeling too much better, but I am refusing to lie in bed. Made my husband make the bed as soon as I got up and am now working today. Still no tastebuds, but at least I am sitting up in my chair trying to be productive.

I am so sorry that everyone is having such a difficult time with the surgeries, decisions, etc. I agree with Hopeful - Sandra hit the nail on the head by saying that none of us want to choose any of this. We want our lives back. Hit rewind to the day before we were diagnosed and then hit pause - forever.

Hang in there everyone!

Happy Presidents Day - R.

Happy Birthday Robyn!

Hopeful8201… I will second everything you said,
I'm a bit nervous about starting to make all these permanent changes to my body - not that it can be avoided but it doesn't mean I have to LIKE it, I feel the same way. I know you, with the courage you have shown,  will come out great on the other side of all this. My thoughts will be with you also. I hope we all have a non eventful week, with some peace. No new surprises.

Mefromcc, am I reading that correctly? Did you just have reconstruction surgery on the 12th?!?! If so, how are you doing?

Happy belated Robyn. Seems like so many of us have spent our birthdays this year in the middle of this mess. Huge kudos to you on getting out of bed today, not sure I could have. I Like your new picture!

All of you are so great. This board, and the friendships I've made here are such a blessing to me. Thank you all for being here.

And how are you? How would you compare to BMX surgery so far

Mefromcc - Welcome back home. You get an extra cupcake (they're around here, somewhere, unless FourMinor and her clan ate them all while they watched the snow fall). Have some of the ice cream straight from the container, too, if that's not too cold for you. Indulgence is well known for its healing properties.

Revelle, thank you for your support and encouragement. It means a lot to me, and especially just now.

Sorry I had to miss most of the party due to a heavy day at work. Many thanks to Super Sandra for stepping in with cyber refreshments and seriously worthwhile words of wisdom.

Oh, and did everyone read the study listing bitchiness as a common side effect of breast cancer?

I have an appt. with my surgeon tomorrow to see what she thinks of the latest US and start planning surgery. At least this time it won't be threatened by snow or ice...

Four - it was a very small study - accrual of one. Observational only. I'm certain it would be a slam dunk to replicate the results, however.

I hope everyone's holding their own through all these snow and ice storms. Does all of this get anyone a pass from shoveling snow?

Glad he did fine but it sounds like this is as grueling for you (and Allison) as it is for him, albeit in differing ways. Do you have anything like Cleaning for a Reason available to help?