Winter rads 2014-2015

This is our list of Winter Warriors as of February 6, 2015 - We are still growing!  The Winter Warrior sign up will be over soon.  Our Spring will be a new beginning.

October / November Start

MeneK – Oct 24 .................... MagicalBean - Oct 28......... Mmtagirl - Nov 3

MarieBernice6234 - Nov 4  ... Hope50 - Nov 5 ..................  dennyvol - Nov 5

CAS4 - Nov 6 ........................ Beachbaby65 - Nov 4 .......... CoyoteNV - Nov 10 

Lush61 - Nov 13 .................... Rosa54 - Nov 13 .................  Beachlady28 – Nov 17

Nomatterwhat - Nov 17 ......... LMVerma  Nov 18 ................ katieC12 – Nov 18

Lorrilynne - Nov 18 .............. Gongshow18 - Nov 20 .........Yikes1 - Nov 20

Birdgirl11 - Nov 23 .............  Perfectlyimperfect39 - Nov 23 Singsing1020 -

December Start

Pita119 - Dec 1 .................. SandyLovesLucy - Dec 1......... AnasNana - Dec 1

 HockeyCat - Dec 3 ......... . CanuckMom Dec 4 ................  MeanMomto3 - Dec 4

JustJean - Dec 5 ...............  runningcello - Dec 9 ............... carynbrit - Dec 10

 ForHisGlory - Dec 10 ........ Davida58 - Dec 10 ....................SCMom - Dec 11

eileenpg - Dec 16 ........................ Linzer – Dec 16 ....................... WndrWoman - Dec 16

 sweetbanker - Dec 16 ........  labelle - Dec 17 .......................  Slavrich - Dec 27

InGodshands - Dec 18 ....... Catie57 - Dec 18................................. lilactulip - Dec 18 

 PoppyK - Dec 29 .............. kpmacmill - Dec 29 ...........................  Jlynn13 - Dec 29

 gretchy - Dec 29 .............................  Bellegirl - Dec 30 

January Start

reader425 - Jan 2.......................ILCMom - Jan 2................................ Purrrrana99 - Jan 5

Cath57 - Jan 5  ......................... Professor50 - Jan 5 ...........................fossf - Jan 7

Lulubelle1 - Jan 8 ............. lescover - Jan 8 ..............................    Nancy6540 - Jan 12 .

Saltygirl - Jan 12  .......................aj103014 - Jan 12 ............................ Fionascottie - Jan 13

Magdalene51 - Jan 15 .............. quiggy - Jan 19 ................................. Bippy625 - Jan 20 

Dacre - Jan 20 ...........................feelingoverwhelmed - Jan 20 ............. KYBLUEEYES - Jan 20

Beachbum1023 - Jan 22 ..........  Cavalier - Jan 22 .............................  mqt64 - jan 26 

 Sjacobs146 - Jan 26 ...............  Windgirl - Jan 28 

February Start

JeniferE - Feb 1 .......................  LARock - Feb 2 ............................  Chrissie29 - Feb 2

gemmafromlondon - Feb 2 ........ ladyb1234 - Feb 9 ........................ Texas94 - Feb 16

February Start Dates Not Known

farmerma - Feb ? .....................CassieCat - Feb ? .................... intothewoods - Feb ?

MaggieCat - Feb ?

March Start

WheelyGirl - March 2

March Start Dates Not Known

Kayfry - Mar ?

Special Sister Warriors and Warriors who stopped for a visit, but for various reasons didn't stick around. No start date determined.  We wish them well.

zjrosenthal  - Rads delayed by surgery, until ? Honorary Winter Warrior

Minnielee; surrrana99; Coloradocancermom; Shuf; bjeaneg, knittingPT, Shayne36, KGotThis, ckr1956, funthing42

= Reported Complete

 = Should be Complete by now.

Just need some happy thoughts! I truly believed that by the time I got through dx, surgery, chemo, my crazy supervisor, the holidays, then the Radiation would be a breeze. Ohhhh I was soo wrong. I am having extreme anxiety during a treatment that last only about 15 minutes. The RO and the entire staff are wonderful, kind, compassionate...it's not them it's me. The first 2 tx were on a Thursday and then Friday. All weekend I was having panic/anxiety attacks realizing I had to return on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...etc. I had a complete melt down on Monday but did get through the treatment. I tried to explain through my "anxiety, breathing, crying" that I wasn't sure I could do this every single day. Luckily, the day I broke down was a Monday when I see the RO. All of the staff told me not to worry, it's normal to feel anxious, just tell the Dr. what you told us.... Things didn't go so well. I have been on anti-depressants for several years unrelated to all of this. Had taken a small dosage of xanax for panic attack/anxiety but hadn't needed it for months. The RO's response to my "meltdown" was that I needed to make an appt with my primary and my therapist. I agreed with him through my anxiety attack and crying....but then said...."it's 2:30 pm.....I have to come back here tomorrow, and wednesday and thursday....I cannot guarantee I can get an appt with either Dr before tomorrow". Oh...so he wrote me a script for xanax .5 mg to take 1/2 hr before my appt. I have since had appts with both of my doctors who have independently dx PTSD. I am a domestic violence survivor...Hopefully no one here has had to experience this but please believe me "having to lay perfectly still on the table for rads with my hands over my head and have people touching me" simply put me over the edge..hence my melt down. It's liked be raped all over again.

I apologize for this long sad depressing post. I just needed to vent and hopefully I won't become the "debbie downer"..

Dacre, perhaps when on the table you could close your eyes and try dreaming of a place you always find happy, such as by ocean waves, laying on the warm sand etc.  Someone else suggested this, and I found it to be very helpful.

To bellegirl: Great suggestion....

dacre -Your circumstance brings back many thoughts of experiences throughout life.  There are pluses and minuses in this sort of a discussion.  My life will reach 70 years long this year. From some folks perspective, that's a really long time.  From my viewing place, not so much.  I am the same little girl that ran around the play ground at 5 years old; went to summer camp at 10 years old, kissed a boy at 15 years old; and headed to college at 18 years old. Those experiences, that were good ones, were joined by some that weren't so good, creating who I am now.  Some of those experiences aren't much different from what you bravely described here to us.  @$%^ happens... and we will bear the scars,  but hopefully, the scars will heal and leave us wise (not fearful) enough to recognize those places where we can be hurt and with tougher skin that is not so easily wounded.  It's one of the yin and yang things... not too hard not too soft. 

Time helps.  I honestly don't think that age provides wisdom; I think it provides perspective.  I worry terribly about so many of you young women going through this disease.  If all this effort on my behalf provides me with ten more years of quality life, I'm a winner....  For you, the fight is longer and more urgent. You have a long life to live and so much to accomplish out in front of you.  Children to raise, goals to set and reach - perhaps - your great love to find.  This is a very important fight.  You need every smidgen of your will power intact. Leave none of it behind as you go out to face down this cursed ailment!

One time, in a magazine article that was written (blush) about me, I actually was quoted as saying something that I think came out as rather bright.  Unfortunately, I have to paraphrase myself because of - I'll give credit to chemo brain - bad memory and the fact that I failed to clip and tape the article to the bathroom mirror. "When we learn positive lessons from negative experiences, we win."   It is one of those self evident facts actually.  Do we honestly ever learn anything on a really good day?  So, by this bench mark.... We are all pretty damn brilliant now!

Dacre, my dear friend, stay the course and realize the wisdom you have gained through your adversity. 

dacre, glad you vented and shared what you're going through. We all "get it" and understand the fears, panic, overwhelming sadness, all of it! Each of us are digging deep and trying to get through this life changing event. For me, I cry, get angry, deny and go through all the grieving steps...over and over again. Every damn day I force my self to drive to TX, some days I fantasize about running away from this! I'm a third of the way done, weeks to go.

Feel what you feel. But know that you can do this. The RADs suck but cancer returning is worse so the trade off is there.

I'm sending you a big gentle hug and hope for the much better days to come.

Coyote, I love your posts! You're an amazing woman with a great perspective.

Keep inspiring us and sharing through your posts.

Someone mentioned a Facebook page. I'd love to participate so please tell us more

Thank you!!!

CoyoteNV - so well said and I hear you loud and clear.  You are right if throwing everything we have at this beast will give us 10 more years then the time, pain and discomfort spent in treatment will have been worth it.  It's the younger ones who will be fighting the hardest...and I will try my best to remind my self of the very wise thoughts you shared  with us today when I am feeling sorry for myself or just having an overall down day.  Thank You for sharing your thoughts you are obviously a very wise woman!

Dacre - do not give up you have obviously survived so much already.  You are a strong woman and an inspiration to others.  We are all praying for you and soon this will be a distant memory.

dacre, my heart breaks for you. I know that panic. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse so strangers touching me can creap me out too. I've taken a lot of deep breaths over the last 3 months. I taught childbirth classes 30+ years ago and conscious relaxation has been my saviour many times. I also count to myself a lot! That feeling of vulnerability and loss of control can be overwhelming. Wndrwoman had some great suggestions. Hopefully as sessions get shorter and your techs get more familiar you will feel safer. You might even be able to request the same techs. We survived before and we will survive rads too. If it takes medication so be it. You are never alone.

dacre,

just a thought - sometimes i try to count down, pick an odd number, any number, let's say 74. then go from 74 to 73...etc. keep counting in your head, and start again if you finish before they are finished.

sometimes it helps block out other thoughts popping into my head.

but, i do also have a question -- you wrote "with my hands over my head".

I only had to put one hand over my head. maybe you do not need to put both, which may just add to what you are dealing with? just another thought.

I would have to say that I used a visualization and self hypnosis technique in the Rad tube also.  I learned this one from a self hypnosis expert when I was dealing with food issues - long time ago.  It has served me well over the years; however, it does tend to put me to sleep before I get to the end.  I'll go over the basics of the exercise here, if you promise not to go to sleep on me!

First: Think about your favorite calm place in the world. Perhaps it is a secluded beach, gentle turquoise water slowly and rhythmically caressing the tawny sand. All under a blue sky with wispy white clouds gently drifting across it.  For some it might be a flower garden with the humming of bees and dancing butterflies. Of course, the tree blossoms are moved by the light breeze and the birds are singing.  When you paint your picture in your mind, develop it fully.  Know the sounds, colors, and scents. Really feel the temperatures and breezes.  Engage your senses fully.  This is your place.  Only yours.  If you need children's laughter, put it in there.  You are building your safe, serene environment.  Once you have this place, you can come back to it and explore it every time you want to.  It is your personal hideaway that you can explore and discover anew at every visit.  Let it grow every time - find a new blossom or a new shell.   

Next: Construct a stairway or stepping stone path  to your secret hideaway.  Perhaps, you see a stairway carved in the cliff above the shore, or a stepping stone path to the garden or a forest glen.  The requirement is that you can count the steps or stepping stones.  Make this a beautiful entrance to your special place.  My access has always been through a  moss covered stone tower.  It seems to morph occasionally. Lighting, window position, hand rails appear when required, and the wear on the stone stairs comes and goes.  This is another mental painting.

Understand that you are sitting or laying down each time you rebuild your environment.  I wanted to say comfortable in there, but that really isn't a requirement, because this moves your mind away from the physical moment and place. so, let's use the phrase "as comfortable as possible." Do NOT do this while driving. Also know that you will need to set a "wake up"  or return for yourself because there is no one else there to say, " The time to return to the physical world is nearing".  Before you begin, set a time limit.  Tell yourself you have 10 minutes (whatever time you are allowed to be "on break") Our bodies are really quite time aware. 

The scene is now prepared. Your special place awaits you and the way there is in front of you.  Close your eyes, take three deep soothing breathes.  Breath in and breath out.  Fill your lungs fully and slowly exhale all that air.  Visualize the access point (stairway or path) in front of you.  Breath in and exhale.  Think about the first step toward you beautiful place that you can see just on the other side (or below) of the path.  Take a nice calming breath of fresh healing air. Doesn't that feel wonderful?  Exhale slowly. You take that first step and inhale. Think "1" with that breath. As you move forward in your mind, exhale, counting slowly backward from 5. 5....4...3...2...1.  With the next step and breath, #2 comes to mind and the subsequent exhaling count of 5...4..3...2...1.  Move the counting to the back of your mind, but try to remember the rhythm of the count. One count for each step.  Make the trip to your special place leisurely. Examine the wonder of the path you have created. Did it rain since your last visit?  Is there dew on the leaves?  Look how far you have come.  Slowly breath and exhale, counting the step and counting down from 5 on each one. 

Allow your mind to decide when you get to your secret place. (You might have to gently nudge it along if it feels like you will never get there. It gets quicker the more you go there.)   Be aware of it's approach with anticipation and joy. 

When you reach it, wander through, absorbing it's beauty, serenity, and peace.  Allow those feelings to enter every cell of your body.  Feel the healing, feel the power.  Breath deeply and exhale gently and fully.  Experience and enjoy this moment in time.  But the time to go back approaches. Move gently back toward the path back to your physical being in the same deliberate way you arrived here.  Don't worry about not exploring every corner of you place.  It will be here next time.  It waits only for you.  At the entrance to the path, count the steps that are between you and your physical self. (The steps back are usually around 5, but you choose.) Breath in the fresh cleansing air and exhale gently and fully. Count 1 with the first step, then 1...2...3...4...5.. Take the next step. Count 2, then 1...2...3..4...5.  Repeat until you reach the last step,  Take another deep relaxing breath and open your eyes. 

Hopefully this will take you to a good place and bring you back renewed.

Beachbum102. Why do they have you take your wig off? There was a woman who went before me who did that and I always wondered why each time I saw it in the dressing area where she left it with her clothes.

Coyote. You surely have gained amazing perspective and are wonderful to share it. Your truth connected to me.

I'm on my back, both hands over my head holding onto a big handle. Two techs position me and tape my top open, just exposing my left side. My breast is ugly, I feel like Frankenstein! Everybody is looking, touching... UGH!

Occasionally more people in the room, I can't see them well and as they scurry about doing things, it's a little unnerving!

Once a week I walk down a hall to see the nurse and the the RO. Each of them discuss how things are going and each of the have me expose my breast so they can examine. For extra fun, sometimes they take pics of my boobs. That's gotta be a fun photo album!

Nothing about this is dignified. For the most part, they try to be sensitive to the vulnerability but in the end, it IS a very vulnerable situation and I have no control. I'm literally putting my life in their care.

I've always been a bit bashful with exposing my girl parts, this journey has given me a crash course in letting go.

Dacre how about music , they always played some good tunes when I was on the table. Since being on my stomach they had to do a lot of moving of my breast to get it lined up at first I was embarrassed all these people touching and moving my breast like you I had been sexually violated when I was younger so it was quite upsetting. I also was laying in a a very uncomfortable position with one arm up the other down and the table digging into my rib cage but i made the best of it by listening to the music and counting like yikes1 said keeps your mind on something else.I took Xanax the first few times and it helped but as I went on I would forget it and after a while I didn't need them. Take one treatment at a time don't worry about the next one and give yourself a pat on the back cause you did it.

coyotenv:

please add to the poll questions:

are you told to remove your wig? {i do not have a wig, but if I did I would be furious if I was told to do this without a very, very, very good reason}

are you told to raise both arms? [assuming radiation to only one side of body]

on that note...does anyone get radiation to both sides, like if they have both breast involved?

even then, should only have to raise one arm at a time.

i'm sorry, but it is time to step up about all of this. it just sounds like there is less rhyme and reason for some of the things being done, and if it is NOT necessary, and actually increasing any level of difficulty, then no, IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. we will and we need to be the group that steps forward, and let the world of radiation know that some of the things occurring in individual centers are not working, not necessary, and not needed, and causing pain, insult, and major issues.

So, on that note, let it be known that I myself am a doctor, and have and will have NO issue or problem speaking up about any of these issues. I have already done some personal research on some things going on, and have been in contact with NIH and NCI. At first I thought no big deal. But now I know -- it is a big deal! There are standards and protocol about most things in medicine. There are ways to do things. There is a standard of care. Not always for everyone, but there is just way too much going on here, to too many individuals, and I am doubting it is all necessary. There just can't be all these differences of treatment and it can't just depend on the particular RO or individual techs.

I realize it maybe a personal preference about lotions, etc. when used in a pre mode. But, honestly, one place requires removing a wig and another does not? Why?