Shocked, scared, but trying to be positive

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SpriteB
SpriteB Member Posts: 49
edited February 2015 in Just Diagnosed

Hello. I'm new here. I was diagnosed today with IDC, grade 3 after a core biopsy. Will not know more until the oncologist appointment.

I'm in shock. Im 37 years old and the lump was found by my gynecologist who set me up for my first mammogram and an ultrasound. Mammo showed nothing but ultrasound showed a 1cm mass. Radiologist recommended a core biopsy saying it could be a fibroadenoma or the C word. He said that it looked small and localized so if it was cancer then hopefully it was caught early.

I had a gut feeling that it was cancer. But when the doctor called and said "invasive" and "grade 3" it knocked my socks off. To make things a little more scary for me, I'm a hospice social worker so I see the scariest cases regularly. I am so scared but I'm trying to stay positive.

Any words of encouragement you could give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

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  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited February 2015

    So sorry you find yourself in this situation at such a young age. It does get easier once you get a plan going for treatment. In the mean time I would not "try" to stay anything. The hardest thing to do is to be positive when given devastating news and it is enough of a struggle without trying to feel something that doesn't fit the picture. :-) It is a nightmare in the beginning but really will even out for you. There are many people here with IDC grade 3 and we are doing fine. many have been around for many years.

    It is good that you found the site because it is overflowing with support and information and tips for helping through treatment. Keep coming and venting and expressing your fears. I believe it really does help. Take good care of yourself. hugs to you.

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  • WinningSoFar
    WinningSoFar Member Posts: 951
    edited February 2015

    I'm so sorry Sprite. You're so young, but I have to tell you that everyone here, at whatever age she was at diagnosis, reacted just about the same as you. I think of being diagnosed with cancer as perhaps the first really important dividing line in my life. The day before, I was a healthy woman who had dodged every bullet and the day after, I knew I had caught a bullet. That is a shocking realization that takes time to digest and then to eventually accept. What I can tell you from my experience is that you will probably come to accept this new fact in your life, that you will be happy again, that you will go through treatment pretty easily, and that you will live for many years. But first, you'll have to go through the grief of being diagnosed. It's a transformation, that's for sure.

    Please stay posting and reading here. You're one of us.


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  • SpriteB
    SpriteB Member Posts: 49
    edited February 2015

    Thank you Wrenn and Winning. I will be coming on here for support. right now my fear is the fear of the unknown. Not knowing what stage Im in or treatment I will have.

    How many of you ladies have gotten a second opinion?

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  • LizA17
    LizA17 Member Posts: 159
    edited February 2015

    so sorry you find yourself here. Try and take it one day at a time. I know it's scary. See what your Oncologist has to say before you panic. We're here for you. There isn't anything, someone on these threads hasn't been through on this journey. They've all helped me tremendously. B

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  • Viceroy
    Viceroy Member Posts: 69
    edited February 2015

    Hi Sprite,

    I am almost 4 months ahead of you in this. I was also 37 at diagnosis, I also had IDC grade 3.

    All of the tests at the beginning are overwhelming and it is so hard when feel like you don't know what to expect but once your treatment plan is in place it really does fly by.

    I did not get a second opinion but I did meet with my surgeon and my oncologist right at the beginning even though we chose to do neoadjuvant chemo and I wouldn't see the surgeon again for months. It was good for me to hear similar things from two different doctors who each had a different communication style. For those first few appointments I had some friends come with and take notes for me and I still look back at those notes sometimes. I could not have listened and taken such good notes so I am very grateful to have had help.

    I felt all the emotions as much as I good when they came. Sometimes the same sentence one minute could make me cry and the next minute might have no effect on me. Trying to control it just didn't work for me but I do think that I am more emotionally intelligent from the experience.

    Best wishes.

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  • Professor50
    Professor50 Member Posts: 220
    edited February 2015

    That word "invasive" is just scary. It doesn't describe very many things in life and certainly nothing really good. Like an invasive joy that infects all those around... Keep in mind that you are still the same person you were before you heard those words, and this is describing a teeny part of your body that has developed a mind of its own. You'll get it back on track soon.

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  • hummingbirdlover
    hummingbirdlover Member Posts: 421
    edited February 2015

    Hello and welcome! I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but everyone is so supportive! I too had a grade 3 tumor, which was so scary but honestly, the waiting and wondering is the hardest part. Once a treatment plan is in place, you will feel so much better, I promise! I did not get a second opinion but really liked and respected my team of doctors. None of this is fun, but it is totally do-able. I wish you all the best, hang in there and try to focus on positive things. ((Hugs)

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited February 2015

    Hi Sprite, I did not go for a second opinion because I like my team and they have the experience I felt comfortable with. They also present my case to the Tumor Board with multiple professionals, so I am confident that the meeting of the minds will be my best result. Being triple negative I only have so many choices, so I wanted to move into the treatments quickly.

    The Best Advice - being positive will get you through the tough days. And everyone here will help you, no matter what. Just ask and your fears will melt away so we can all go on living.

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  • SpriteB
    SpriteB Member Posts: 49
    edited February 2015

    Thank you so much for your responses. The shock is wearing off and the reality is sinking in. I have a meeting with the oncologist on Friday. She is well known in my area and Survivors I know have gone to her. My mind is getting the best of me. Sometimes I'm in complete panic thinking the absolute worst case scenario and thinking every little pain means "it's" spreading. And then I'm positive and adamant that I will beat this and come out stronger. But mostly I feel so out of control. I'm so scared. These feelings are normal right?

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  • hummingbirdlover
    hummingbirdlover Member Posts: 421
    edited February 2015


    Absolutely, without any question, a completely normal reaction.  We all reacted the same way (or I have to assume that we did).  The initial numbing fear is replaced by a petrified terror, which is then replaced by a peaceful calm and will to fight.  It's a wave of emotions and a rollercoaster ride and all you can do is fasten your seatbelt and hold on.  Someone told me early on, at this point, all you have to do is show up and let your medical professionals work for you.

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  • SpriteB
    SpriteB Member Posts: 49
    edited February 2015

    thank you for the reassurance hummingbirdlover.

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited February 2015

    Hi Sprite, You are very normal in the reaction department. We have all gone through panic, terror, fear, and anger. Any everything in between. You may feel out of control, so control what you can. I choose my battles, and leave the real fighting to my medical care team. That's why we have them, they lay out the plan, and we get on board for the wildest roller coaster of our life. Laugh as much as possible, cry when you need to, but the rest of the time, we all just live our lives! Take care, visit often. :)


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  • Morwenna
    Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
    edited February 2015

    I'm glad to see so many saying they were confident in their medical/surgical team, and not advising you to get second opinions.

    To be happy with your team is important, and to trust that they know their stuff and will make the right decisions, or rather, help you to ... But

    I often wonder if seeking multiple opinions on everything doesn't in some cases add to the stress! I mean where does it stop if the second or third differ from eachother?

    The beginning is the hardest, and the not having all the facts, but gradually you get the full picture, and however scary that might be, once you get started on a plan of action, you will, generally, feel calmer. And anytime you need to vent, here is a safe place, with people who "get it"!!

    Best of luck for your "journey" xx


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  • SpriteB
    SpriteB Member Posts: 49
    edited February 2015

    I cannot even begin to explain how helpful all of your responses and supportive words are to me. Thank you so much.

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