numb roller coaster of emotions.traumatized. fearful

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BND1999
BND1999 Member Posts: 1
edited January 2015 in Just Diagnosed

found out about breast cancer a couple of weeks ago. expected some sort of surgery and radiation and found out i was HER2+ and therefore need chemotherapy with Herceptin

I can deal with the surgery next week. i can deal with radiation.. but Chemo Terrifies me from every angle... but mostly its the dehumanization to be felt with the loss of hair, eyebrows, lashes....i am not even a vain person.. I'm pretty down to earth casual. but this is weighing heavily on me.. and going to a wig shop today made it worse.. in that there was very little offered that looked normal....

i feel worn out from emotions... i feel like I'm losing part of self..contained.. i dont want a pity party. i want to be strong.. but how to find that when losing how you know yourself to look and dealing with that on top of the surgery and treatments is just too much to bear......

what to do when hair starts falling out?? are there any chemo treatments that reduce this possibility? what kind of hats to put on. good links.. support groups where you get positive things going not just depressing... like doing positive things within a group...


im so so so tired tonite.. surgery next week.. chemo i believe a month after. need time after surgery.. i feel the worst i think i have ever felt .. very down.. i guess shock of it all.. just need to hear from others who are terrified like me.. esp of hair loss

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited January 2015

    BND1999-

    First, we want to welcome you to our community here at BCO. We're so sorry for what brings you here, but we're very glad you've found us, and hope you find this to be a place of support and encouragement.

    Chemo is hard, but you'll find that many of our members manage it and are able to live their lives relatively normally. Your concerns about the side effects, especially the hair loss, are very common, most people facing chemotherapy find themselves worried about much of the same. You may find it helpful to spend some time reading through our Chemotherapy forums. Lots of great info and experiences there, and you'll be able to connect with women much like yourself. You can access that forum here: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69

    You may also be interested in learning more about Cold Caps. They're caps worn during chemo that are designed to minimize or eliminate hair loss. You can find general information here: http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/hair_skin_nails/c.... And we have a forum for current and past Cold Cap users, here: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/7....

    Good luck with your surgery, please let us know how it goes! We'll be thinking of you!

    The Mods

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited January 2015

    Hi! The mods have some very good tips for you. Like you, I was numb from the shock of it all. When my MO was going over the chemo, and said you WILL loose your hair, I said I'd get Spookie cut down and make a wig from her hair, then we'd match.

    You can wear wigs, hats, scarfs, or just go topless. I had a baseball hat embroiderd NO HAIR DAY, and out I went.

    There is a free class you can go to they will give you makeup and tips for dealing with all of that. I can't think of the name of it right now.

    Nobody told me I would loose ALL my hair. Even in places the sun doesn't shine. Like your nose. And ears. Then you get chemo nose. Have tissues handy.

    I sound like I'm laughing about chemo. I'm not really, but that's the 'tude that got me through it. You can do it

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    imageimagehi bnd1999

    I was just diagnosed jan 15, then floored when I received my path report. Triple Negative. The ladies on here have helped me So Much. I freaked and started a post about my pathology report scaring me. I have gotten so much great advice, warm vibes and strength in knowing that while all of this SUX, (i have truckdriver mouth) and none of us want to be here, we can and will get through. I cycle a zillion times a day through sadness, fear, terror, normalcy, warrior-mode, anger and disbelief. Get some ativan or xanax from your doc, i take a small dose to sleep. Get on here and talk, question, and even laugh. I cannot tell you how much this site has helped me in just a few weeks!

    I went with my sister to a hair place that also specializes in wigs for medical reasons. The owner spent 2 hours with me! I left happy with my 2 wigs, and feeling like I can beat chemo to the punch. I plan to shave my head before it can fall out. Being proactive gives me a sense of control. And control is so terribly missing in my lfe right now. I know exactly how you feel. This is too new and unexpected and unasked for! UGH! I find getting a little angry gives me some strength. Isn't that crazy? I also think going from brunette to blonde is making me smile. I hope being on here can help you as much as it has helped me. We Can Beat This! Sending you hugs. And my new blonde look...and my Freak You, BC face!

    Arlene

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    ugh. I wanted the pics smaller and at the end of the post. I am sorry. I will try to figure this out.

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  • Holeinone
    Holeinone Member Posts: 2,478
    edited January 2015

    BND,

    It is all overwhelming & a scary roller coaster of emotion. I also have never been overly vain or fixated on my looks. About 10 days after the first chemo ( A/C ) my hair started to shed. I knew I would shave it, but waited another 4-5 days. It hurt. The falling out process was painful, so shaving it was easy. I do not know if that is true for everyone. I bought a wig, never wore it. Not once. I live in a cold climate, I wore hats & beanies. I wish I had been comfortable with a wig, but was not.

    Losing my eyelashes was harder for me than the hair. Puffy from steroids, no lashes or brows, bald. One of the ladies on these boards said yes, you look like Uncle Fester !

    None of this is easy, no one thinks it is. Be selfish, take care of yourself, let others help if you need them. Treatment is slow, and the emotional part afterward is also hard. Find the chemo group that starts when you do, join those ladies for support. Makes it easier to deal with this stink'in diease.

    Greenae, fantastic photo, wig looks great !

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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    thanks, holeinone!

    Ugh. I forgot about the eyelash part. Gonna get some cool glasses and sunglasses. My chemo will probably start in March. I am going into Girl Scout mode, and trying to Be Prepared

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  • funthing42
    funthing42 Member Posts: 418
    edited February 2015

    Hi guys just a heads up you may not loose the brows or lashes. I didn't.

    I did rub half of my lashes away because I couldn't live without mascara silly me.

    I'm extremely fair so My lashes need a little help.

    My hair did fall out. My MO knew it would go. I did however here of a few people that never lost their hair.

    I tried to hang on to it. I had only cut my hair to shoulder length through out my life, never had short hair, so I was pissed to say the least. :)

    My son on the other hand starting going bald in his early twenties . He knew exactly what to do with the Clippers so he helped me.

    My younger son a musician had hair to almost his waist. Offered me his hair.I didn't take it. He later donated it. Shaved his head.

    I felt less like a victim when we shaved it. It just became such a mess to try and keep it.

    Chemo is different for everyone. For me it was like being in my first and third trimester of pregnancy all at once. Bowel issues and heartburn.

    I soaked my feet and hands in ice for Taxotere it can turn your nails black.They may fall off or be brittle. It worked for me never had nail issues.

    Anyways you guys rock this @#*!.


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  • greenae
    greenae Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2015

    Thanks for the info, funthing...I don't go out of the house without mascara...oh boy...a whole new world.

    BND...are you there? Talk with us...I swear it will make you feel better.

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