All Kinds of Wreck!

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fmmbw
fmmbw Member Posts: 41
edited January 2015 in Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment

I was doing well with diagnosis, which I received on 1/2/15. Lumpectomy is scheduled for 2/6, know it is IDC. I left surgeons office without copy of DX and forgot to pay co-pay. It is Stage 1 less than 2cm.


Background I am an elementary school principal, and I am right now have the writing skills of a 6 year old. I was open with all my staff and the parents, my 3 adult daughters, and looks like I'm good M-F, then evening and week-ends come and I'm a wreck. Take generic Xanax small dose to sleep, then sometimes have diarrhea and constipation. Appetite has decreased, which has resulted in 10 pound weight loss. I am a type 2 diabetic.. I don't do pity parties, never say "why me", but the anxiety is ruining me.

I read all kinds of research, but have lurked on this site and enjoy it so much. Went to see Selma today, and get out to enjoy the weather, but couldn't wait to get home.

Another concern is I am a smoker, and feel like the breast is the last place I would have cancer. What if it has spread.? I can go all day at work and not smoke, then get home and smoke 5-6 cigarettes.

Tomorrow will get up and be close to normal, then when evening comes I become a wreck.

Help!

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  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited January 2015

    i wonder whether anxiety will kill me before the breast cancer. I think it is a nightmare. My oncologist said he refers many of his patients to psychiatristsor counsellors. I see a psychiatrist at my cancer agency and she recommends anti anxiety meds. I am also trying meditation and listening to soothing tapes.

    I think it is important to acknowledge (and treat) being a wreck.

    Oh, and bitch about it a lot. That helps too. :). It is a very scary time. Take care of yourself and go easy on yourself about the smoking. You can address that when you are calmer.

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited January 2015

    Right now you are in THE worst phase. When you have met all your docs, have a treatment plan, and start on it, it's gets better. Honest.

    The anxiety makes us all crazy. I'm ashamed (sort of) to say I'm still smoking. I didn't need the added stress of quitting in addition to treatment.

    Try to find something to do nights and weekends to occupy your mind. Stay away from Dr Google, he's not your friend now.

    Come back here to vent. Remember to breathe! You can do it!!!!!!

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  • JustKeepSwimming44
    JustKeepSwimming44 Member Posts: 44
    edited January 2015

    Hi fmmbw, What You Are Describing Is Very normal. I was Dx in Oct 2014 and still have a hard time wrapping my head around things. Some days its difficult to even leave the house. Good that you reached out on these boards as the women are wonderful and you are not alone. Meds help me curb the anxiety a bit. I just try to take things one appointment and one day at a time. ..and remember to breathe. ..

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  • fmmbw
    fmmbw Member Posts: 41
    edited January 2015

    I will try better to control as I know I do it all day at school. I know it is a matter of mind over matter, and I am usually the most upbeat and supportive person I know. I have been in a new city for a little over a year, and know plenty of people but I'm not the type to reach out after 5. Ugh!

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  • fmmbw
    fmmbw Member Posts: 41
    edited January 2015

    Is this normal for even a normally calm person to function during the day, and collaspe in the evening/week-ends? Sorry but I need to vent!

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited January 2015

    Sure it is!!! Don't worry about worry! Take it one minute at a time if necessary!!

    If it gets too overwhelming talk to your doc about a low dose med. a lot of us need some, nothing to be ashamed of.

    Do you have some family close to lean on? Religious family

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  • fmmbw
    fmmbw Member Posts: 41
    edited January 2015

    Thank you all! I am going to Breathe, and go back to my non-worrying ways. My Dr. who did my core biopsy is a friend, and we serve on a committee together. My daughters are about 3 hours away and will be here for surgery. My ex-husband is my biggest supporter, and a wonderful ex, so I have been venting to him, as he knows me better than anyone.

    I am 60 have survived the death of both parents. Many of you have survived much more tragic events but I appreciate a place to go. Will check back in a few days with an update! Many thanks!

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  • Obxflygirl1
    Obxflygirl1 Member Posts: 377
    edited January 2015

    Please ask your doctor for anti anxiety meds and sleep aids. You need your rest to fight the battle. Your doctors totally get it and they will understand.


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  • fmmbw
    fmmbw Member Posts: 41
    edited January 2015

    I had a good night and a great day today. I took the Xanax and gave my anxiety to God. I tried to take it back a few times, but I know he's got this. Enjoyed my day at work as always and plan for a peaceful evening tonight. Thank you all for listening, and hopefully I won't have to vent until after surgery 2/6. I will have questions!

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