Starting Chemo October 2014

Warning, rant to follow...

I don't know if it's because it's my last treatment, but I have totally lost patience with the taste changes. Everything tastes bad. Coffee, tea, toast, chocolate, peppermint, water, ginger ale, literally everything. The thought of eating disgusts me. I just ate dinner and had to brush my teeth and rinse with Biotene to get rid of the taste in my mouth. I love food, I miss food. I'd like to go to sleep and not wake up until things taste good again.

Becca: I'm happy that we're making you laugh!

Redporchlady: Thanks for the nudge to add kale to my daily smoothie. I haven't been doing that, but I should. I had a very successful combination this week of blueberries, avocado, chocolate protein powder and hazelnut milk this week.

Thank you for the recipe! I've never heard of coconut flour. Do you have to buy it at a specialty store?

Viceroy, I love avocado's, how much do you add?

SJacobs, I'm with you on the taste changes. I SO want food to taste like it used to!! I am disgusted by the taste in my mouth after eating anything. The desire to brush my teeth and/or gargle is ever present but I'm too depleted to make the effort so I carry hard sour candy with me everywhere. This SE actually pi**es me off because it doesn't get any better in between treatments like the other side effects. My family is surely sick of hearing me say with every meal and snack, "I just want my taste buds to come home".

ml, my instructions too were Compazine first then Zofran. Compazine has never touched my nausea and it was quickly tossed to the back of my now Pharmacy-like medicine cabinet. I don't even bother with it. Zofran, IMHO, works like a charm 99.9% of the time. When it doesn't I take an Ativan. It knocks me out but I'm not nauseated

I have #5 tx later today and I'm DREADING it. I was warned that the effects are cumulative and damn, they were right. #4 beat me up, it took a full week longer to bounce back than #s 1-3. So excited to see how I'm going to feel after #5 (sarcasm). BUT I'll have only one more after this one! ONE!!!! I'm gonna make that bell a gong!!! That I'm truly excited for.

Remember, we CAN do this, each and every one of us has what it takes when we stay positive and keep our eye on the prize. Thinking of you all every day and sending vibes of hope and happiness to you.

Becca, I hope that everything went well for you today. Your SEs are definitely worse than mine. I hope that you have the opportunity to rest and recover after this round

Hey I managed to sleep in PJ's last night, of course it was 7 degrees outside and I did break a sweat at 3:30 but that's a start. I have number 6 treatment tomorrow so from what I see from the taxol, the SE's last all week and then I get another treatment.

Becca it is good to see the humor in this, I know I do. Some of these posts have kept me sane these pass few months since getting on this merry-go-round that I didn't know I was going to ride.

Sjacobs146, I hear you about the taste, the last treatments took them away but remember this too shall pass. Now I have super smell and can taste again, but last night at the Italian restaurant someone fish dish from another part of the restaurant sent me gagging to the restroom. Tomorrow will be interesting since I was told to tell the nurse that the bandage they put over my port makes me nauseous because it smells very antiseptic. I was told by the other nurse last week they can cover it with tape and gauze and not use it if it bothers me. I hate to be a bother when I go in, I just sit and go with the flow but since I would hate to lose my breakfast I think I better say something.

On a lighter note I finally got into one of those Look Good Feel Better sessions that are always full around here. I actually called the 1-800 number the first of December because the one's here were booked for the past 2 months and they said that someone from the center would call me in January to ensure I got into a class. So January 20th I am there at 6pm, such good timing since I have bags under my eyes, my skin is super dry, and my eyebrows are fading into my face. Putting on powder, swiping on mascara, and lip balm is all I know how to do, drawing in eyebrows is way too advanced for me. They even help with wig styling so I am a bit excited. My wigs are super easy with a bit of frutese in a spray bottle with water I spray and style but then again I style it the same way so some variety would be nice. I have five different versions of the one I wear in case I want to change it up a little on the weekend, my husband says walking in the closet and seeing all the mannequin heads fully made up with wigs on them does take some getting use to. lol

Ladies, I highly recommend a natural stool softener called Swiss Kriss. You can get it at GNC and possibly Whole Foods. I take 2 at night and it keeps things moving for me.

I had my 2nd of 4 Taxol treatments yesterday. The hot flashes have been awful! Driving me crazy. They didn't start with the Taxol, but they do seem more frequent.

I never did lose all of my hair with AC, and I thought I would with Taxol but after reading some of your comments, maybe I won't. My eyebrows and eyelashes have gotten very thin. Not shaving has been nice LOL

I have started taking a B100 complex and L-Glutamine for the neuropathy and it seems to help. I'm so glad my SEs on the Taxol haven't been bad enough to cause my MO to switch me to weekly taxol treatments.

The only really bad SE has been the body pain. It was so bad and caught me totally off guard last time. I am better prepared for it this time.

Becca thanks for the reminder that this hell won't be forever. There are days where that certainly seems to be the case.

I'm curious how everyone is doing with their support system. My best friend is now MIA. She just couldn't handle this. My Onco said it's unfortunately very common.

what kind of support? I have found that the friends I have that know are still there: I have ahandful from church and others who I keep in contact with by email about how the tx is going. If I needed anything, I have a few I could ask. I am pretty private: only one of my staff knows---- my real support like many of you comes from husband, God, and my sons when they are home from college

That's http://community.breastcancer.org/blog/I-am-strong... by Amy Small-McKinney on 12/10/14.

Linda

Thanks for the link to the blog, BookLady. I am right there too, I'm all over the place with my emotions. I want help. I don't need help. I am strong and I will do this. Please hold me up, I am afraid of the next treatment, my future days. Please pamper me, I need tenderness. Stop treating me like I'm an invalid. Makes me crazy, I can only imagine what my confused messages sound like to those around me. I've given up worrying how I am perceived by others. I don't want to expend energy explaining me, they're going to have to figure it out or simply decide to forgive my trespasses. My energy is focused on me these days, I do have to work hard at getting over my rough spot, no energy to spare here.

There are no words that are always the right words when spoken to me. 'You are strong and will get through this' upsets me as much as the tsk tsk of tongues when hearing of my plight. I want to scream "I am not as strong as you think, you numbskull!" OR "I don't need your pity, you idiot!". What I've come to understand and accept, people always mean well. If they haven't walked the walk they can't know what it's like and I can't expect they should.

This topic goes hand in hand with the support topic. I have pretty much gently declined any outside support. Friends and extended family have offered to cook and clean for me but I don't require that level of care and feel like I'd be taking advantage of the kindness. I don't talk much about my personal life at work. I don't keep anyone in the dark, I just don't provide all the gory details. My adult children who don't live with me have been wonderful in checking with me every day on the bad days. All have offered their time and to do whatever needs to be done. Busy with their own families, what could I ask them for? I care for myself and all my needs except on a few bad days every three weeks. My very young adult daughter who lives with me has assumed responsibility for my person on those days. She makes sure I get my meds on time, that I drink plenty of water and finally, when able to eat, she makes sure I do. It's really all the support that I need. What helps as much is coming on this Board and reading all your posts. It brings a good deal of comfort to know that what I may be experiencing is what you are experiencing. It's normal. I like being normal in any circumstance.

Becca, I hear you on the roller coaster emotions. I feel the same way. I finally signed up on a website where friends could sign up to bring meals, and did it 2 nights every 2 weeks...when I have chemo and the night when the SEs start getting bad. I only did it because people kept saying they wanted to do something and I almost felt selfish putting them off all the time.

I'm finding that the longer I'm in treatment, the more bad days I have. The pain from the Taxol is lasting longer or flaring back up after I think it has ended. It's so frustrating. I admire those of you who are still working full time. Some days I can't do my part time hours, and I'm no wimp when it comes to pain and not feeling well.

My good news today was I got to make my surgery planning appointment with my surgeon. One step closer!

Hi Group, finally got a moment to play catch up. It seems to have been one of those weeks, then we had ice on Wednesday that caused all kinds of chaos. I taught a lap dance class Tuesday night at 8:30pm an although I made it through the class I had a hot flash that drenched me down to the skin, when I got home my legs and arms were so fatigued I could barely lift them. I woke up with the worse headache, called out sick and slept in all day got up at 5pm yesterday had my husband take me out for Thai came back home and went back to sleep until this morning at 5:45 when I got up to pray and read....and I still feel tired. I have never slept that long. I know they said I would be tired, but I just assume just tired not exhausted. I guess it is time to cut back a bit, but I am already only teaching about every other week and just feel like with the steroids I am becoming so heavy.

The doctors office called Tuesday to say they have scheduled surgery for March 19th pending no issues with the remainder of my chemo. I think I should feel relieved but I just feel like it's another thing that I will have to recover from. Anyway tomorrow is treatment #7 more than half way done, I should be feeling excited. I will let you know when I get the excitement. lol Have a good weekend ladies, we deserve it.

Becca, so happy for you. This all just feels like a trip to hell that never ends. Having trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that I still have 9 more chemo treatments. I just want it over and these mechanics in my chest gone.