Feeling like damaged goods

Finallyoverit ,

We are all damaged goods off and on throughout our lives. This is how we learn, grow and accept. We can see scars or we can see healing. I am struggling with this everyday..Many or even most people have financial issues to deal with. You must be very strong to have gone through all of this without a partner. I would have been lost for the first few days. I have finally looked at myself and was horrified. My husband still thinks I'm the most beautiful woman. What you see as baggage may look very different to another. I am going to change my opinion about my nasty scars soon. Keep getting support from others and the emotional scars will also fade. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Good luck

I certainly don't feel like damaged goods. It does take a while, but now my life is better than ever. This includes dating a much younger and very fit guy who chased me last summer. He thinks my body looks more than fine (clothes off, lights on).

I don't think I would be at this point without serious exercise, however. It really helps that I am fit and toned all over. I do major cycling events which is how I met my guy. All those endorphin highs helped keep me focused and positive.

My life and career are better than ever. I feel indeed fortunate to be at this point. As for being "damaged", I think the fact that I don't have good binocular vision is much more of a daily bother than the breast cancer scars. I also have a banged ankle from hitting a pavement crack the wrong way while riding my bicycle.

I do recommend exercise as a way to deal with body image. This is also true for anyone who did not have breast cancer. It really is the magic bullet as we get older. I do outdoor activities which also get me to the most amazing sights, so wonderful for the spirit as well.

Feel better, and one resolution I can think of is to make this a wonderful year! - Claire

I had been married for 23 years and divorced before my bc dx. Is my body the same ? No,but I am happy with it, imperfections and all. I am 58 and haven't dated since a bit before dx. If it happens, it happens. If not, my life is quite full with a great job, family and friends. I also have time to pursue hobbies and travel whenever I can. Partner or no partner, I can't and won't let bc rob me of a satisfying life. Whether through counseling, meds , exercise etc., don't let it rob you of a fulfilling life. Take care.

My situation was a little different as I was in a serious relationship of two years when I was diagnosed. But my then-BF and I did not have any children or pets, did not live together, were in a long-distance relationship in fact. He could've walked away. But he stuck by me and now we have been married nine months. My husband is a baby is far as breast cancer husbands go - he was only 30 when I was diagnosed. In a world of beautiful young women with hair and breasts and no medical drama and no potential fertility issues, he still wanted to be with me. And he makes sure I never feel like damaged goods due to the hair, fertility, uniboober stuff. So there are plenty of non-shallow men out there that are interested in a partner as a person and not just a body.

Where I do feel like "damaged goods" is the mental stuff. I have developed major, crippling anxiety due to fear of recurrence and it affects my ability to function. He does his best but I know it must be so hard on him. I was the definition of bravery and optimism at the beginning of this journey and somewhere along the line, I just lost it.

finallyoverit, I think you're doing a good job sorting out your feelings in this matter. You have mixed feelings about it all, and that's okay. But I think you should be more honest around others. Why put on that great face for family and friends when that's not the real you? At least a few trusted friends and relatives should know the real you. Sort out why you think you need to keep up that happy facade. I think that's one reason why you aren't able to move forward with certain parts of your life, because you aren't being true to yourself.

I'm not single, but I was for many years until my early 30s and now married about 25 years. I spent my 20s sorting my life out, having come from a dysfunctional family.I was guilty of people pleasing, dead end relationships and not tuning into who I was. I had very low self esteem. Along the way, I found a spiritual connection with God, some good self help books along with meeting some compassionate people and a few who liked to have fun and thought I was fun to be with helped me create a future that was worth all the work.

I know people happy in relationships and I know plenty others who aren't in relationship and are happy that way, too. It sounds like you are healed physically but need additional emotional healing. Keep searching, you will find many right answers along the way. Good luck and God bless.