Can't keep my mind on anything else

You are at beginning of this journey but as you said you don't even know if it is cancer so try not to stress. Not easy. We all can relate, but she is going to need you to be strong.

As for the feeling going away IMO never does entirely but again that's if you have the C word. One step at a time. Whatever happens you will deal with it - you have to just like us.

So keep the faith and keep us posted.

Diane

I think it's normal to freak out. As a guy, you may struggle because the matter is not something you have control over. It is hard to sort of be the passive one and watch your loved one have to go thru this. And it sounds like you are a bit traumatized. It does get easier. The not knowing and the waiting are often worse than the knowing.

Take some deep breaths. Get out in nature if you can and just take in your surroundings, take a walk to clear your head. You have received a jolt, so the things that used to keep your mind occupied have sort of fallen to the wayside. Keep searching for things that hold your attention. They may be different than what used to capture your thoughts.

You will laugh again. You will experience good things again and even find enjoyment. Right now you are trying to keep your balance in the middle of the great big wave you are riding. Hang in there. You will make it through.

concernedhubbyalan - you sound like a wonderful partner for your wife, and it would be weird if you WEREN'T nervous about the upcoming biopsy.

But we've all been where you are... in the Waiting Room. Either waiting for a procedure, or waiting for some concrete results to be revealed to us.

If you notice, we have over 152,000 members here. THOUSANDS of those (mostly) women came here with a desperate plea of how to relax after finding a lump/having a biopsy, etc.

The truth is, the MAJORITY of breast lumps - some say as much as 90% turn out to be benign.....NOT breast cancer.

Right now, you don't have bad news, you just have news. And no amount of worry and stress and making yourself sick will change the outcome of what happens and what they find during the biopsy on Monday.

We have a saying here: "Don't go there until you get there." In other words, don't jump the gun.

If you are scared and nervous and obsessed with losing your sweet wife, and Monday's results are benign, you will have wasted four precious days that you could have been enjoying with her.

And if for any reason, things turn out to be more serious, then yes, even then, that obsessed feeling can go away.

The scary part about breast cancer is the lack of control. Some of us read volumes to arm ourselves with information ahead of time, believing that knowledge is power. Others of us read that old quack Dr. Google and believe everything we see, not realizing he can be a liar and a fearmonger.

But on the off chance that your wife receives a diagnosis that requires more treatment, you will start to gather good, solid information, be hooked up with doctors who know their stuff, and line up a plan for what will happen every step of the way. Just having that information is a stress-reducer to many people.

How can you help yourself? Find something you love to do, and do it. Get out of the house, stay busy, work on a hobby, enjoy nature, experience life.

How can you help your wife? Be strong for her, stay with her at appointments if you are able, and let her know that no matter what happens you are a team. Ask her what she needs from you. And find a supportive group that YOU can vent to. (Like us...)

DH was my rock. He was at every appointment, procedure, and surgery. He was my nurse, my chauffeur, my valet, my chef, my pack mule, my hairdresser, and my brain. He was so frustrated that he couldn't FIX me, I made sure to assign him tasks that made my life easier, and helped him feel needed.

But remember - the majority of breast issues are not breast cancer. Praying for a good outcome for your wife on Monday...

Please come back and let us know how you both are doing!

How do you and your wife feel about the news? Are both of you doing any better now that you have some more concrete info as to what your wife is dealing with? I hope so. Please take some deep breaths and take your time figuring things out as you move,forward with her treatment. God bless, wishing al the best for you both.

concernedhubbyalan - So sorry it wasn't benign, but like the others have said, this place is a lifesaver after a breast cancer diagnosis.

Here you will find tons of information, support, and even laughter. I encourage your wife to join BCO if she feels comfortable doing that, as she can be helped down her path by many women who have gone before her.

Take things one day at a time. The more information you get, the more detailed plans you make, the more you can wrap your mind around a BC diagnosis.

Please keep us posted on how you both are progressing. We're here to help.

Wishing you the best.....

Concerndhubbyalan,

We're really sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis. She sounds like an amazing woman and we hope you get the support and help that you need here on BCO.

We are keeping you and your wife in our thoughts.

Sending you both big hugs,

From The mods

Alan, It isn't any easier to accept a diagnosis of BC when you are in your 50's and getting ready to retire and travel.  I can't do that now, because I can't be away from my doctors for any extended length of time.  Buckle up them boots, babe, because you are going for the ride of your life!!!!   It does get easier the more questions you ask and the more you learn.   You can do this, many of us have along with our husbands, just take one day at a time, one appointment at a time and remember we are here for you.  Sending you both hugs and keep us informed.