Please tell me this gets easier

Hi Shelly. I am just finishing up chemo (one more to go, next Tuesday ). I felt exactly like you are feeling. Scared to death. Could not sleep. I started out chemo feeling so bad that everyday was a struggle. Things got better. I joined a meditation class that the cancer center offers. I started listening to soft music at night to calm my mind. I try to get some exercise each day (if I can). Drink a lot of water You may not have to have chemotherapy. Just know if you do there is support out there. Many women are living long lives after cancer. Good luck

shelley

it will get better--- I was dx and had surgery before thanksgiving in 2008. Had to wait all through xmas and new year's for pathology and oncology meetings. I think the greatest stress is prior to the surgery when you just want it OUT! I promise you, once you have the surgery, you will feel like a new woman. Yes, there is anxiety around pathology and treatment options, but at least you are developing a plan. I remember having 18 days between dx and meeting with the surgeon and it was the longest 18 days of my life. Some things I did to help my anxiety

1. had some ativan in my pocket at all times-- only took it once at work, but it helped

2. journaled--I have always kept a journal, so it was not hard-but it helped even more

3. exercise--I had been a runner, but had stopped for a while-- I got back out there

4. saw a therapist where I could say what I was thinking and share how I felt (without scaring my h and kids)

5. believed that I would be just fine-- and I did and do believe that--- Like many here, I had a reasonably solvable problem, and that is how I chose to look at it---

6. tried to get as much sleep as possible--you really need your rest in order to start to develop a plan and execute

7. Had a "cancer-free" zone at work (I told very few people there so I could just go to work and do my thing without alot of chatter about cancer)

8. decided who in my world could be helpful and shared with them--- these were people who had had bc or were medical professionals who I knew would be able to help/listen to me.

this is without a doubt the hardest time--- I know it seems like forever, but your surgery is really just around the corner. Keep telling yourself that you are in good hands, the odds are completely in your favor and you will get through this. Sometimes, what we tell ourselves is far more impactful than anything anyone else can say.

Keep us posted.

hugs

Rant on, Bcky! It is okay to be afraid. We have all been very afraid.

First things first: clean pajamas. Can you order up four pairs and have them shipped to you? Make them similar colors so they can all wash together? And then you can do a load of pj's together every third day or so. Clean pj's are an absolute must for well-being

Next: Have you seen an oncology psychiatrist? No one should have to live in such fear. If you had a beloved dog, for example (as I do), and your doggie felt like you do, you would never accept it. At my hospital we had onc psych department for talk therapy. You could talk to your therapist about how Ativan is not working for you. You should be able to be comfy in your bed with your new pajamas.

We hear you, Bcky! Sending you hugs. {{{bcky}}}

Good afternoon Shelley, you have already made it to another new day! I too thought that I would never make it through all of the treatments. But I'm doing it and life is better every day. I focus on the day, not what maybe sometime in the future. I just had my surgery and I am doing very well. Try asking questions when you see the Nurses. Mine are a goldmine of great information, and helpful tips.

I looked for advice anywhere I could find it, including Google. I read it and decided that I wasn't going to be negative. My nurses are very confident that attitude is a major part of the treatment. You are there to get well, so grab it and run with it!! I gain strength from positive people.

Every time I went to chemo I wore a tiara, my thought was it had superpowers! Amazing and crazy, but it was always good to make the others and me laugh. On my last chemo infusion, all of the nurses greeted me wearing tiaras! They are amazing, and everyone wants us to get well.

You got this!

It does get better. That time period waiting for treatment to start is the worst of all. Many people recover from cancer and go on to have healthy lives. Try to stay busy doing things you like; but accept that fear right now is totally normal. The fear eases up with time, and you learn to go back to living your life without constantly worrying This May will be five years for me - and I'm back to worrying about how to pay for retirement, not about cancer.

Karen

My sister in law was diagnosed about a month before I was, coincidentally. I remember being on the phone with my brother, and complaining how hard it was for me to sleep due to anxiety, especially before I started active treatment.

"Ah," he said. "Welcome to the Three a.m. Club!!!"

I've called it that ever since. When I am anxious (currently due to upcoming surgery, but sometimes due to fear of recurrence, or whatever else I find to be anxious about), I get exhausted, and have no trouble dropping off, but only sleep for 2-3 hours, then I'm awake again! It's the pits.

I was given some Clonazepam at one stage, by a specialist breast cancer support doctor, just to help me relax and sleep through .... I made 30 tablets last about 8 months then tried to get some more from my GP, but he refused! He doesn't want me to get addicted I think!!

He prefers to put me on antidepressants, but I honestly don't think I am clinically depressed, I just have anxious episodes about specific worries. I didn't really agree about the antidepressants, so he closed the conversation by telling me to come back and see him if I "am really having problems!"

I could poke him right in his eye! I could go back to the doctor who gave me the last lot, but that feels like running to a second parent when the first has said "No!"

In the end I have just decided to tough it out. I find that earplugs help me to sleep, as I'm a light sleeper anyway, and hubby snores (although he says I do!!), but I worry about using them when I have work the next day as I can sleep through my alarm with them in! I got a FitBit for Xmas though, and it has a vibrating alarm with a flashing light, which might do the trick. I will try it this week!

Do whatever you have to do. This Chit is Chitty enough without trying to face the music with too little sleep!

Morwenna... Yep.. I'm a member of the chitty 3am.club as well.. I used to get on my phone on the internet when I'd wake.. but I'm.forcing myself to stop.doing that now..

Morwenna:   I say, go back to the doctor that gave you the clonazepam and ask for more. You made 30 tabs last 8 months!!  You are FAR from addict!!  that med is an anti-anxiety drug,, not anti-depressant!  It helps you relax and get some sleep. That is what you need.   I will bitch-slap your GP for you!!  Some doctors are so stingy with meds! Ask for more,, there is NOTHING wrong with that.

In fact, I just got some new clean colorful pjs from Santa (in other words, I asked for them, ripped picture out of catalog, put it on bulletin board, and then texted a reminder).

You can do this!

No! 'Green cotton.' That means some kind of organic cotton. X

ldesim,love the cat photos with sayings!

Morwenna, I too think you should go back to the doc who prescribed the meds you prefer and not think twice about it. I noticed my onc was more hesitant to treat me for anxiety, so I worked with my primary care physician and he seems to be okay with helping me in this department. And I have read that if regular docs won't prescribe meds for anxiety/depression, a psychiatrist will, and I will go that route if it ever comes down to it

Shelley, you are making me pee! (laughing)

I do not wear flannel anymore. You may draw your own conclusions

oh hell yes I have night sweats.. never said I wore the flannel pj's to bed. We keep our house cool, so they are cozy watching tv and bumming around the house... never found them scratchy. I wear capris and tanks to bed and still wake up in pools of sweat.